Righteous Radio Girl

What I have in common is nothing in common at all

2012-01-13T21:50:00.000-06:00

I went out with an old friend this week, I looked into her eyes and realized we had nothing in common but our pasts. I visited family over the holidays, and when I looked into their eyes I saw familiar faces, I saw my Dad's face, my Oma and Opa's faces.. but nothing else.
It was strange and sad. And yet I knew I would always see family, always have something in common with them, even if it was just that we looked like each other.
But the friend part scared me. I looked at this friend and listened to her speak. And even in her words she said.. we only see each other every couple of months. And this was a friend I used to speak weekly to. We shared our lives together. And at that part I got scared, realizing we had nothing in common other than the monthly visits that we reminded ourselves about. What scared me the most is the thought of why do we bother?
Why do we bother with relationships? We see family because they are family and friends because they are friends. The titles that we give these relationships.
The old adage is that family is chosen for you, but friends are the family you chose yourselves. And this was a friend that I shared that sentence with. At the time, we sadly said that we were each others family, since we were closer to each other, and shared things with each other, then sharing with our family.
And time passed and lives changes
and we both moved on

If death were nearby, what would you do?

2011-10-05T19:31:00.000-05:00

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important." - Steve Jobs

Today Steve Jobs died, months ago Jack Layton as well. Both strong leaders and innovators over the years, both died of cancer.
Since I had many deaths at an early age in my family, I always have the quick thought of.. what would I do if? (I usually exclude the grief/mourning process of my life)

I'd call my friends and tell them I love them.
I'd call my family and tell them I love them.
I'd spend crazy amounts of time with my cats and make sure my parents were ok with their new kitties.
I'd probably write lots of letters to people who impacted me. Whether I'd have known them for a long or short time. This reminds me of when I took the course 'Death and Concepts of the Future'. We had to write our own will, plan our funeral, and write our obituary. I had my own playlist (I'm not sure if I was a DJ at the time) and although listed many thanks to my friends, also wrote hilarious notes of thanks to guys I liked.
I'd eat lots of ice cream and milkshakes.
Lots of ukrainian food. And Kelekises. And Jeanne's.
I'd rent a cabin, maybe just for me, maybe I'd try to recreate the past memories of my family.
I'd probably drive/fly to tour dates of my favourite band friends. But I'm sure I'd also want to take photos of said moments.
I'd want to go to Greece and be there with Professor Cosmopoulos.
I'd probably think a lot about the people I was going to see in heaven (other than Jesus of course).
I'd be happy I'd be going to heaven and tell everyone, and I mean everyone, that they need to be there too. Even if they weren't 100% sure about the whole Jesus thing, I'd say.. I'd rather see you with me in heaven. God would too.

I'd feel overwhelmed.
Actually, now that I think of it, I probably wouldn't want to tell people, but then again people would want to know. Although you yourself would have to deal with lots of people (I hope?) wanting to say goodbye and cry.
How do you grieve while you are living, let alone dying.

Who would you talk to? What would you say? What would you want to do one last time?

When friends borrow friends = uncomfortable me

2011-10-04T14:18:00.023-05:00

Ah yes, I'm possessive of my friendships whether it be family or friends. If the common denominator is me, then that's how I'd like it to stay. I don't really know of others who say 'hey Jane, let's invite Sara over'. Then, 'hey Jane you get along so well with Sara, why don't you just call her up next time, leave me out!'

This is awkward. But it happens, sometimes two of your friends or acquaintances hit it off, and they become friends. It's a tough balancing act, and hopefully you realize you need to give your time and attention to both people.. the new and the old.

It's worse when someone who doesn't like you (for whatever unknown reason) becomes friends with your friends. It weighs heavily. It feels like they won't be your team anymore. Forget about being popular, you aren't even ranking!

I guess this is why I not only dislike conflict, I dislike competition. I hate competing for friendships. Perhaps it's because I'm an only child and don't like to share. Especially when I see myself as the losing party. Or perhaps since I was uncool for so long, I don't fight. I don't know how. It's a reminder of school days where one day your friends liked you, the next they ignored you and whispered behind your back.

I've mentioned it before, and I'll say it here again. This doesn't stop. When you leave school, they people that don't like you will still exist. At work, at play, at Starbucks, at church. It could be all in your head, or the white elephant in the room.

Value your friends. Tell them so. To each and every one who I call a friend, I thank you. You are Jesus to me.

For anyone who prays, I could use a prayer. Thanks.

Aftermath of Rock the River

2011-10-02T23:00:00.002-05:00

Since Rock the River was so intense.. both with ups and downs.. I'm going to do a bulleted list of memorable events from the 3ish days leading up to and after the event.

• trying to first wrap my head around the vast amount of volunteers that I need. I never stressed about it, but I had to plan for (at first) 2 types of volunteers: merchandise and access control (read: ushers and security). The last then morphed to include greeters, green team, parking lot and parkade attendants, kids events, lost/found people and Donor tent security. Three time slots, with an hour gap between the first two, and with anywhere from 20-30+ volunteers for each of the slots. I also then had to call all these people to confirm. Yes, all you people like staying away from your telephones at night! Or making sure you screen calls. I know, I know, who likes strangers phoning them at night? I needed roughly 150 slots filled. So if you asked me how I was doing around that time, I'd give a smile and blank stare.. 'fine!' Most people were concerned with salvations (which obviously is why we're doing this folks!) but I got to see the back-end (computer lingo) and all the man-hours that were being poured into this giant puzzle

• each night Rosalie would send me new people who had contacted her by email, telephone, or the online form. I'd plug those in or call to confirm. You better love the sound of your voice for this roll, because many people were hearing it over and over again :) (Thank you UMFM, you trained me well). Thanks to Rosalie, office admin extraordinaire. I'm sure her brain had to hold all the knowledge of five jobs combined at the same time and know every answer to every question asked.

• 2 days before the event we realized that one staff person was telling people to come to the Friday night briefing at Calvary Temple, and the other person was telling them to come to the Forks. I spent most of Friday calling all the volunteers to double check, again. Or emailing them all, again, and getting about half of those emails sent back due to problems with the email address.

• I thankfully/suddenly/sadly got the quick full-time task of organizing the band/musician airport runs. I loved this! It was only sad because the lady who usually does this got sick last minute, and couldn't come. BUT my friend Maryn came into town to help out since she had done the Edmonton and Calgary event last year!!! Yay! We hadn't seen each other since Britain 2009, but it was just the same!

• At first I thought I had to find 4 drivers (2 airport, 2 golf cart) for Saturday. Then it turned into 3 drivers for Friday/Saturday/Sunday. Thankfully I got to take off work for some of these and I found others that didn't have to work on Friday.

• Days before the events, these all happened: one of my drivers couldn't find their license, one of the musicians cancelled in requiring a driver, and one of the morning bands 3 flights were added to my list. So you know when I sent out panicked emails about finding drivers? Yes, I actually did need drivers! (Thanks to Jeremy, Harv and Bek who stepped up.)

• my little Wpg airport spreadsheet! I had carefully colour coded mapping out which driver would take which van, and how we all would pick up the vans, where they would live during the day and night, and how they would all get dropped off three days later. I also memorized which flight came in at what time, added a new iPhone app to track the flights, and gave each driver a highlighted spreadsheet according to their airport runs.

• Little did I know, that the morning events and the afternoon/evening events were operated very separately. In the big picture they were one and the same, but when trying to contact people for the 10am event, I found most were in the prayer/devotions at 9am. This did not work well! I had drivers and flights showing up in the morning that needed to get papers, credentials, or the people that were in that meeting! Instead we quickly scarfed coffee, banana bread, and Gaylene & Bek prayed for me.

• Merchandise volunteers: did you know that merch volunteers not only are very possessive of their roles and take it very seriously, but they also only want to do merchandise, and nothing else. No to access control, no to greeting, and no to even taking the shift off. They wanted their merch roles! Thankfully, most volunteer problems were solved but I was still trying to balance 100+ volunteers, 3 drivers + 3 vans, and 3 days of flights.

•Janessa! My 'other half' of my brain. Since I was doing double duty, Janessa was able to either be me and/or support me in the various responsibilities that being Volunteer Coordinator involved. At one point she was running down the hill to meet me and I was running up. We met half way and both collapsed at the same time and laughed. Both of us were exhausted and I think only half the day was over. I hope we do get to remain friends!

• Peter and Paul to the rescue! Once again, the day before the event, I met Peter and Paul (and am I Mary?). They were in charge of security and were definitely my go-to-guys for everything security related. I got to wear a headset (no TFK I am not Brittany) attached to the walkie-talkie, and although it took awhile, I finally managed to balance the voices in my head and the texts and calls on my own phone. We had the most interesting things happen: someone was selling chocolate bars, another was giving away (local band) cds, new spots were created for access control volunteers (not to be confused with all access.. VERY DIFFERENT!)… and over and over I heard.. 'What's your position.. ok I'm coming'. I'd definitely work with these guys again.

• Vans! Since I love trucks and sports cars (and motorcycles), vans usually do not fall into the category of love. However, without these large people-carriers, I could not have loaded and unloaded all the people, luggage, merch, and gear that we did. The joyous scene of Harv driving up with the band in black (not the Letter Black, but TFK) was wonderful! Just as joyous was our early morning airport run the next day and bumping into Paul. Thanks to my drivers again! Such a huge huge part of the day! Without you, no one would have been there :)

• Police escort! (and I thought this was for the mayor!) Yes indeed, Franklin had a police escort. Last time we did this at the arena (MTS Centre), it was full on with the police bomb dogs and every other vehicle that beeped or chirped. Since the Forks really can't do this since its an outside venue, Franklin had the police escort him in as well as many of his security. However if you passed him in the hotel, it would all seem quite regular (as I did numerous times).

• Temperature and weather. I knew many people were praying for no rain and true enough, it didn't start spitting until the fireworks were ending in the sky.However I could not have comprehend how cold (AND WINDY) it would be. I had an undershirt, my red RTR shirt, sweater, Black Bench jacket (Ty-"what's with the holes in your sleeves?"), down filled vest, jeans (just jeans? what was I thinking?), my Converse (whose insoles made my feet get blisters.. thank you Paramedics for providing rockin' bandaids), gloves, and my sparkly purple hat (from Savoire Fair). Next time, I'm praying for more heat!

• Karen and Rose from Ugly Duckling Productions… they took this event and ran with it. I don't think it could have been close to a 'success' without these two. They knew every answer to every question that was asked. I'm sure every chair I sat on, or tent I sat under… every 'washroom' I saw, or trash can I walked by, somehow these ladies sourced it out. They were always kind and always had a smile on their faces even with the multiple walkie-talkies in front of them. I'm sure they could have walked the Forks blindfolded and come out winners! http://www.uglyducklingproductions.com/quackers.htm

• Maryn! I've known Maryn for a very long time. But this was only our third time face to face. We first met on a Starfield message board, I think I was the admin, and she was the very knowledgeable and hospitable fan in Calgary. We kept in touch on myspace and then on Facebook. We discovered our mutual love of Brit Boy Bands and in 2009, when she was studying in Manchester, I went for a visit! Now two years later (so long!) she came back to help run the band side of the event. Her, Tom and JW ran the show and moved the musicians flawlessly. From needing to move gear and guitars, dealing with dead golf carts and gators, or just helping me get food.. we were texting and calling each other all the time. It's the dream team!

• Speaking of eating, thanks to Beki and Gaylene. They were my other assistants who would literally run to get me anything anywhere. They kept me fed, prayed for me, reminded me to go to the bathroom, kept my gloves, charged my phone, helped my musicians find everything in Winnipeg and usually could read my mind :) What great friends!

• Starboys.. they were the first band I had on Righteous Radio in 1999. They had just started as a band and in the many years that followed, I helped them design merch, sell merch, update websites and message boards, worked with their mom and sister, host/run many shows with them, and brought them in to do fundraisers. So I found it hilarious that my first pick up was Tim.. he found it funny as well, since the first words out of my mouth were.. 'Yes Tim, I'm officially here to pick you up for Rock the River'. We even met a past friend who went to the same church, was on tour with them, and now was blowing through Winnipeg to see his family. It was so nice to catch up with the guys and their parents.. the guys had wives and babies now! Until we meet again!

• TFK… ahhh, my boys. Although I had officially known Starfield the longest, TFK are still affectionately known as my boys. I first met them in 2001 in Selkirk in some random show a local promotions guy was putting on with Newsboys and Jake. At that time, they had a van and brought Daniel (bassist for Hawk Nelson) along as a merch guy. In the 10 years that followed I have driven, visited, hosted, photographed and ate with them each year. I can remember each new guitarist (Dave, Mike, Jamie, Nick and now Ty), first time I met Clay (in the elevator at YCAlberta 2007) and every time they come to town it always feels like band family has arrived. I told my drivers they will be all in black (maybe with some grey, maybe), look like rock stars, and have a really dry sense of humor. Sure enough my drivers used no signs and found them right away. They said.. 'Where's Alyssa?' :) In the following 24 hours, we ate together (Big D:you need to find the guys and eat.. GO! Ty/JoeL: you look like Britany with that thing on your head (my headset), Ty: whats with those things on your hands? (my Bench jacket with the thumb holes.. WHICH Big D had on days later).. and the usual amount of teasing that they heap upon me. Thanks to Trev, Steve, Clay, Ty, Big D and JoeL (my fave!) for keeping me laughing! (and thanks to Clay and Big D days later for being the unofficial big brothers.. literally!)

• my headset.. oh beloved! When I first got you I was all excited! It took me awhile to get used to you squeezing my head, and how to position your mouthpiece just right so that people could actually hear me instead of static. I'd try to hug people and (whamp!) you'd get stuck between, I'd try to drink water or eat and (pfffftttt!!!) your mouthpiece would get in the way. In sudden moments, I'd hear far off voices, sometimes in crazier ones, I'd hear the crowd try to attack the security and/or stage through you. But at the end of the night, after I was warm and safe in my bed, I could still feel you attached to my head.. sigh.

• the RTR team.. Dion, Dave, David, David, Dan, Jess, Rosalie, Janessa, Peter, Paul… the list goes on and on from the RTR crew! Without this weekend, I would never have met you and spent the most craziest times together. I guess it is true, you bond in the craziest, adrenalin-filled times!

• Norm Z from Gateway.. Norm! You got me into this :) And I'm so thankful! On the Friday before RTR, I saw Norm at Calvary Temple for the Counsellor training.. I walked over with massive spreadsheet in hand.. and he laughed. On Saturday, with headset and cell phone attached, I found him… again much laughter followed.

• Kyle! It's always good to have a buddy who is with you from the start. And Kyle was! We still need to catch up and debrief. Instead of partner in crime.. It's DJ in crime so to speak!

• Follow up. Seriously, I have to call more people? Again? Wait.. different people.. about 326 of them.. and they are all the baby christians (affectionately known as). What a joy and privilege it was to call and ask them how they were doing, what the next days/weeks were like and if I could pray for them. Mostly all of them opened up and I got a little window into their lives and how Jesus was healing them back on the road to recovery and a new life.

Thank you each and everyone who prayed for me. Thank you to my SHOP church family, for everyone who checked in on me and usually waved as I ran by. Not only did my body hold up but so did my voice! In the 8am-10:30pm day, I got to sit down about twice to eat, and I walked/ran everywhere else. Usually for a crazy hectic weekend like this, either I start to fight a cold or my voice goes.. or else one of the musicians gets sick and can't sign. Thankfully, everyone stayed well and healthy!

Thanks to Jesus for it all coming together. Once again I'm reminded how I take my life and salvation for granted sometimes. You give me a hope when it's hopeless, a love when its empty, and a reason to keep waking up each morning. Love. Faith. and Hope.

The journey leading up to Rock the River

2011-09-21T14:46:00.003-05:00

Rock the River event has come and gone. And for many hours or days after, I have been living and reliving it over and over.

It had been an event for myself that was only 6 months in the making, but I knew that for many others it had been at least double that. I still remember in early February, I got this vague forwarded email from Norm (Gateway youth). In it he responded to a BGEA (Billy Graham Evangelistic Association) person telling them that I was the lady that could help with RTR (Rock the River). I smiled since it had been 5 years since I worked with the BGEA for the last Franklin (Franklin Graham) event. I also hadn't met with my former YMRN (Youth Ministries Resource Network) group in at least 2 years. I did miss them. I thought this would be easy.

Weeks later I got a text form my friend Kyle 'Do you want a part time events job?'. 'Yes' I answered immediately, not knowing that both incidents were one and the same. A few days later I was at a Japanese restaurant close to work, meeting with the youth rep (Dion), from the Calgary BGEA office. It was good conversation filled with lots of stories about past concerts and events. I finally felt like I was being noticed and chosen for my talents, abilities and the combination of my love of musicians and hospitality. Hilariously enough, my HR person from work was also eating lunch at the same restaurant.

I was excited and waited for what felt like forever. Two weeks later I got the happy email that they would love to have me part time (20 hrs/week). Excitedly I thought even if my current work place wouldn't let me leave, I'd quit, since I'd have a guaranteed 20 hrs, I would find another part time job! Finally two weeks after that (total = month), I got the official offer of acceptance letter. I couldn't sleep and finally I got the courage to go talk to my boss about it. Thankfully, they agreed to let me 'go' half-time for the next six months.

On the start date, I went to meet my new boss (Dion), and bosses boss (Dave.. one of many). We were supposed to have an exciting weekend of concerts in Altona and Winnipeg, in partnership with World Vision (Chris, one of my former bosses was there!) featuring Superchick, Manafest and Bread of Stone. Since no MC could be found, I had been nominated by the guys to jump on stage! Talk about being thrown into the deep end.

It was a great weekend while I tried to get my bearings, met more Davids, and frantically memorized everything I need to know about FM419.. Rock Zone passes.. and RTR event in general. What did FM419 mean? (I kept thinking it was radio station call letters.) When was the event? (May… June.. September..?) Thus I begun one of my many 'lives'. Back at work #1, the feedback from my workplace was disheartening. Although mostly good or silent, the few who chose to negatively speak out (or coat it with negative humor), did so about a range of typical Anti-American and the perceived Southern Baptist style of Franklin (Graham). This wore on me.

Looking back, many things at this point, were beginning to wear me down. I had been drained and burned out at work #1 since the late fall of 2010. We all thought this would get my energy back. I was also on the Board at UMFM which was having its own soap opera, still tried to keep up with my own radio show, guitar lessons with the fabulous Nick who kept me laughing, still doing freelance design which was maddening, was also on a worship team at church, and had just finished a very raw and tough 25 week course of Living Waters on Tuesday nights. Heaven certainly did help me in balancing everything out. But trying to add time of basic cleaning/shopping/cooking was hard, let alone 'me' time.

I would soon meet a new large group of youth pastors that I had to sell an event to. I met some of the best people there (Mandy, Dixie, Paul, Chopper, Rob) and renewed friendships as well (Norm, Tim). Seriously, blessings hugely on these folk. They kept my head above the water and supported me to the n-th degree.

Soon, Mothers Day would come, and my body would get hammered hard, as I was battling a bad cold for two weeks. It was hilariously predicted day-by-day by my hairdresser when he was at the end of it (starts with a sore throat, then fever, few days later it's a cough that won't go away, sinuses hurt, then lose your voice). During the most exciting and crucial time of promotion for FM419, I lost my voice completely. BGEA only panicked slightly and I resorted to lots of texting and emailing.

Days later we had half the expected crowd for FM419. Oh Winnipeg, you are so unpredictable! For most churches, youth ministries are 80% fun and 20% teaching/discipleship. Since this somehow seemed like a training event (the adult version was!), many youth balked at this idea... around 80%. I was also asked to take photos. Once again, I had a hilarious time of reliving the moment of meeting the other 'official' photographer with my guitar teacher Nick.. 'Why have one photographer, when you can have two?!'. Anyone in the creative industry knows how this feels when you go into an event or project and find out, Oops! There's another you! (Nick: why have one band when you can have two?!) I got to meet one of the Winnipeg Police Staff Sergeants, who I appreciated meeting and connecting with. Somehow I wanted to show we weren't crazy or hoaky. Meanwhile the youth pastor next to him, started asking what church he went to, and other personal spiritual questions! (For everyone in a church bubble, please don't assume everyone is like you!) During my blurb to the youth pastors, Norm did a fantastic but ultimately unsuccessful job of trying to find me a man (while we were both on stage). Thanks Norm!

While trying to suddenly plan to be at random events with last minute notice, this usually would be at a cost to something else.. like another event I was planning with the police and youth pastors, or time with family/friends/church/radio.. the list goes on. This pulling and vaguely planning was hard. I'm a detailed and organized person, I need my ducks to be in order so to speak, or else it drains me and I feel like I'm doing a very bad job. Thankfully, for one event, my cousin, her truck and table, came to the rescue. Thanks family!

It calmed down a bit after that, but work was getting hard.. crushingly hard. For months now, I had been praying, 'How long God?!', and I kept hearing '3 years'. This was very agonizing when it was barely past the two years mark. I felt frustrated, alone, and like God didn't understand anything I was going through. Talk about a desert... was there water anywhere?! June came, and so did my question of 'Did I hear correctly? It's been three years here'. Coincidentally my coworker and I were sent to Chicago for the big design conference HOW. It was one of the best highlights of the past three years at work #1. We had fun and got to be ourselves for the first time in years, without thinking of ourselves as competitors or about how other departments would judge us or our work. After this, I knew it was time to go, so I prayed for a door to be open. Back at home, I was trying to prepare myself and my workspace for my unknown future leave, making many new plans and procedures to help them work smarter and try to bring order, respect, and authority.

At the same time, everyone at work was going on holidays and BGEA wanted me to start contacting camps ASAP! Unfortunately, we were about three months behind of when we should have contacted them, and I felt like a fish out of water. Thankfully God knew better (He always does), and in stepped Janessa to save the day. I don't know when the realization happened, but I knew I needed to stop. So I stopped all my obligations at this point; radio (I pre-recorded), the UMFM board, guitar, SHOP worship team, freelance and whatever else that tried to grab my time. I only kept my one full-time job!

The spring was a flood (literally in MB from both major rivers), and the summer was a drought (no rain). I quietly applied to other jobs, trying to sell myself, trying to have hope again that someone would like me. Suddenly on a Monday, one of the places that I applied to contacted me in mid-August. I saw them on that Friday, and the Monday after I was offered the job. Talk about shock and awe. I lived in this shock/awe period for about a week. I even wrote my previous blog entry that morning, never knowing when this in between season would end. Work #1 was surprised, meanwhile all I could think about was the weeks and days that I counted down to RTR. I would spend the day trying to clean-up my files and life at work, while in the evenings I contacted countless volunteers for RTR. I also wound up planning the pickups/drop-offs for the musicians (in the evening, not to be confused with the morning events!). I had to find trustworthy drivers, ones who were not star struck. I was now doing triple duty.. work #1, and work #2 now split into two rolls. Finally work #1 ended and I had a few days off doing work #2, when finally work #3 started.

A new season had begun. (stayed tuned for the next entry).

The journey always travelled

2011-08-22T12:15:00.000-05:00

Thanks to our hot summer, Winnipeg has little to no mosquitoes. And since no mosquitoes, that means no fogging! One of the funny results was that dragonflys are now quite common IN the city. I went for a walk at noon time and was gently surrounded by the trees, the wind and seriously hundreds of dragonflies. They had no cares in the world (other than the large lawnmower that suddenly startled them), and just fluttered about.

On the way there, I had the forest on one side of me and the busy road way on the other. Exactly how my life felt. As if for the past many months I had been starting at the cement, at the onslaught of cars coming down the highway. The forest was always next to me, I just didn't look at it, I couldn't.. I didn't even want to.

I was waiting for the cars to stop. So I could have silence and then look to the trees. Once I found my little pathway into the forest, I just looked up at the sky. So blue, so still, so calm. I wish I could just stay here.

Growing up was hard this year (I tend to still define a year as in the school year). I moved out for the first time, thinking it would be life as usual. I didn't count the hours needed to just keep my house clean, tend to my new cats, do the laundry, buy groceries, let alone tend to myself! I was then frustrated at myself being burnt out. Perhaps I was being 'Martha' 24/7... do this/do that. But no time to rest. For if I did, I felt incredibly guilty that I took time to stop and rest. My life motto had always been; 'serve others.. then you will serve yourself'.. or something crazy like that. Don't tend to yourself first, don't buy anything for yourself (other then the basics), help others first because... well just because.

I started a new program/course which focused entirely on me. This was quite hard. Not only did I have to admit I was needy (argh, anything but, please!), but I couldn't even pray for others. I could only spill open my heart and hope that someone would help me. In half a year, I discovered large things about myself and had others validated that were only small hidden disappointments. Since the later had happened in the church or with close immediate family, I told no one. Because nobody wants to hear about your personal secrets... usually all you'll get is.. 'oh, thats too bad (pat on the head), but we're not sure what to do with you. How about we'll pray and that will fix EVERYTHING'. It was like an imaginary bandaid was put on my wound, yet I was told it's gone! Jesus has fixed it! Last time I checked, most of my wounds were still there, I just covered everything up so I could fit in better. No one wants a needy friend...

I learned that I had an upside down view of grace. I knew of the word, yet had none of it for myself. If someone prayed for grace for me, I suddenly expected that I would do something wrong and screw up, and then God would have to give me grace to continue on. Finally after a weekend of feeling like I was running out of gas and to nowhere, I finally realized I was trying to be perfect. I battled with perfectionism to the highest degree. Nothing short or less would do, and if that happened, I'd be severely harsh on myself.

I could psycho analyze myself and say its because I had many traumatic events in my young life, and since I couldn't control the grown ups around me who were supposed to provide me safety (even God too), well then I had to learn to control the bad things and good things that happened to me. I slapped on the smiley face because that is what was expected. 'Stay strong, you can do it, I believe in you'... etc etc etc. Failure was not an option. Ever. In my faith as well.

I had to be perfect because Jesus was perfect. In fact, I could 'do all things through Christ who gave me strength'. I had 'the mind of Christ', I was the head and not the tail, I had the same power of resurrection life flowing through me as Jesus did and so on and so on. Basically, thanks be to Jesus for saving me, now move over please, because apparently I can be you (perfect) and do everything that you (Jesus) did. I got a vision of me leaving Jesus in the dust, literally. I could barely see him as I walked backwards away.. but there He waited.

I still struggle with this. And its only 1/7th (I'm making up this number) of what I learned. Boundaries (with work and family, healthy relationships (having healthy expectations of my female friends when they leave single land to go to married land), forgiveness (seriously its ongoing), and grace grace grace. If I loved tattoos, I'd get it tattooed on my heart.

As I pray for this long, ongoing season to end, I just want to see the forest from the trees and stop being lost in it all. As a friend said to me, I'm going to wait till things are more settled down. However, I don't think they will ever be.

For now, I must look to the sky and look towards the author and perfecter of my faith. Grace and forgiveness is never ending. I will always need them. Until I see Him face to face.

Worship Music: who is it for? And why is it so bad?

2011-08-03T17:03:00.000-05:00

A twitter friend forwarded this article to me: Criticizing Worship Music http://cameronsprinkle.tumblr.com/post/8393681783/criticizing-worship-music-part-1

Of course knowing me, I'm immediately interested. It's an interesting article bringing up many points. The problem with music in general and everything else that's creative/created is that its a very personal thing, especially to the creator (songwriter/musician), and when it involves God, since He is the one we are worshipping, it gets even more personal.

I've been a Christian since August 1997. My first 'Christian' albums were DC Talk - Jesus Freak, and Jars of Clay (self-titled). Around that time Columbia Music House was around and I got many of my first CDs from then (Oh, hello MWS Missing Person and SCC Speechless.. I'm sure some Amy Grant was in their too). My first worship experience was in the Youth Shack with many of the Vineyard CDs (Winds of Worship and Touching the Fathers Heart) on a CD player in the center of the room and an overhead projector. I knew nothing else and had just started hearing about this little known UK worship band called Delirious. At the same time, another unknown band Starfield (who came from our sister/daughter church), had also just begun.

Fast-forward to now, 14 years later, 4 churches later and a radio show under my belt for the past 13 years. I've loved what you loved and disliked what you have as well. I've met the divas, the rock stars, the talented ones, the really bad singers and musicians, let along the very nice musician who has no stage presence what-so-ever.. and sometimes they are the same person over the course of time. I've been in the 15,000-seat arenas to worship, taken the photos, sung the songs, then driven the musicians who lead worship back to the hotel. I've also sat in a tiny church, with a guitarist/pastor and a small circle of friends and felt the intimacy of God.

And in the middle of this is us and God. I've done a few blogs about the Christian entertainment industry and the need to market worship leaders/bands, and the albums etc that follow. I will try to be as open as possible, this usually is taken as being (overly) blunt on a blog. Apologies for anyone I end up hurting in the process.

I dislike Nashville (Nashvegas) and the industry that churns out albums based on what it thinks you want. No, rather, it tells you want you want. (Or else the CRTC does in Canada: 35% Canadian content! Too bad if you don't have any 'well produced Christian albums!') The same albums feature singles that you will be forced to hear, not because they are the best on an album (or good at all), but because they are chosen as the ones immediately hitting the radio market (and going for AC/CHR/INSPO adds now!).

Yet at the same time, in order for musicians to survive, they need to enter this industry (in today's world anyways). If you belong to a mega church, you could one day become the worship pastor and perhaps write your own music, produce your own CDs/DVDs and then get revenue from all that including tshirts, songbooks, and tours. Just make sure the church's name is on everything, forget about releasing your own music or touring on your own without their name headlining> it's about the Church, not you! Err.. God.. no wait.. what?!

Wow, how did worship God turn into profit? Ouch! I'm sure in the beginning (hopefully) no one wanted to say: Hey I love music, I love God, and I'm going to make lots of money at it (ie. BEING GREEDY). I'm sure most (Christian) musicians that I know love making music and love God. Their hearts recognize a first desire in worshiping Him with the talents they are given. Anyone creative feels so much more joy in being creative whether it be music, design, painting, photography, fashion, pottery etc. We are mimicking our first love, the One who created us first, the ultimate and first Creator. People see this as bad when others get money for it. Sigh, we all have to eat don't we?

Some musicians I know are mirroring the House of Prayer talked about by King David in Psalm 27:4 One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD, all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD, and to seek him in his temple. They are musicians and priests and missionaries (so-to-speak). They are also financially supported by their House of Prayer and their community, whether it be local or worldwide. Just as you would personally support a missionary to Africa or your local church community, others are doing the same. With open and giving hearts.

This is in stark contrast to today's Christian music industry. Questions float around: What is current on the secular airwaves? What is an appealing sound? Should I use auto-tune? Who should produce my album? How much money should I spend? Who should I get signed with let alone tour with? Am I sounding like U2? (The band that apparently won't go away and everyone sounds like.. forever.) Should I do a worship album or my own personal stuff? Or both? Or a hymn album? Or a Christmas album? How about an Easter album?

It's enough to make anyone go crazy or become a rockstar. Sigh. Breaks my heart to see what the North American Christian music industry has done to musicians. I can imagine the musicians hearing: 'Sorry, if this album doesn't sell big, then we're not renewing your contract' or 'Whoops! We forgot to nominate you for this year's biggest selling worship single.' And the musician thinking: 'So does this mean I'm not a good worshiper? Or a 'good enough' musician for God.. or for His people?! Or that I should just release a carbon copy of what every other Christian artist is producing let alone what the world is doing?' 'Why can't I get my award, which I don't even want, but shows that I've finally made it big in an industry I don't even believe in?!'

Both your heart and who its directed to, as well as the creative talent that God has given to you is important! It will look different to every person, thankfully! Personally, I'm a fan of hymns since I never grew up in any church, but I also love love guitars and pianos taken from present-day UK influence (or Australian influence if you really want to bring Hillsong United into this :) Michael Guy Chislet is one of my favourite guitarists/producers/musicians out there!)

So yes, I'm thankful that Cameron (who I just discovered today) wrote this blog. Thankful that he affirmed that we can love and vehemently dislike the same music that you (the audience?) will feel quite the opposite about. We do need to be good stewards in this. Grow and expand our talents and tastes. We need to honestly say to someone who has a lovely heart but with little to no talent, sorry you should not be making cds, try something else and still worship God whole-heartedly. Hillsong United (and insert whatever band/musician/stream you are listening to) are not the be all and end all! I can say this as someone who greatly appreciates them as individuals and their music. Dear church: try finding your own personality through worship music, not X church down the road. Nurture your own musicians; from the ones that find drums offensive (let alone clapping) to the kid who plays Rock Band AND his own guitar in his basement with no one watching. Your greatest leader is the one who worships in the dark.

To close: who are we to question if it ministers not only to the person, but to God? As my pastor says, in the end (if we have a good set or awful set) we are ministering to God, our Creator.

I'm sure as humans, we will always have this problem with criticizing worship music, until the end, when heaven comes down to earth and we can see Him face to face. We will be worshipping forever.. for eternity...crying Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighyt, who was and is and is to come.

Waiting.. waiting

2011-06-29T15:50:00.001-05:00

I'm listening to a new band I found minutes ago (Kye Kye).. song is called Sleeper...
she/they just sang..
'lying on the floor with no confidence
fighting for the right to be told
that everything is well when you're all alone'

and then just started reading this article Making the most in the Meantime, < it features this image

I'm waiting for the next step of life.
I can't see it
I can't hear it
I can't touch it
I can't taste or smell it either

I don't know where it will come from

So I sit and wait

I have coffee with someone, I have tea with the next. I say goodbye to someone, I get groceries with the next. I busy myself in these down times.. so I don't have to think about the figurative waiting room I am in.

Righteous Radio and the local scene

2011-02-06T12:10:00.002-06:00

I went to a fabulous show last night at the West End Cultural Center. It brought many bands, band members, and scene people out together to support a great cause. This had all of us trying to remember all of the bands that existed during the late 90s/early 2000s in the 204 (church) rock scene. So.. in no particular order, the *local* bands and band members that have appeared or have been played on Righteous Radio: (photos on myspace.com/righteousradio)

Arch Rivals
Home Team
Undecided
Flushing Kermit
What about Clarence
Baileys Car
Team Band
Kicker
Every New Day
Figure Four
All in All
Ripperz
Threadline
Nagoya
Peacemakers
Dawson Kroeker
Mike Gavrailoff
Godspeed
Pegasus
Big Time Nobody
Grace like Winter
Jon Buller
Starfield
Isaiahs Answer
FreshIE
Freeman
Attics
Farfetched
ethan
Rock Band
Cough
Gooch
Thee Armada
Nothing 2 Lose
All Rights Reserved
New Aesthetic
A Place Tomorrow
Alpacas for Sale
The Day After
The Reception

my winnipeg

2011-01-29T12:41:00.000-06:00

I just finished watching Guy Maddin's My Winnipeg. Usually I don't watch movies, but we just had 15cm of snow, it's -18C with a windchill of -29. Typical January.
Watching this movie brought about everything (most) Winnipegers love, depending on their age. Nostalgia. Canada in itself, is very young, Winnipeg, younger. We constantly tell each other stories, since most of us (at least my age) are just about third generation. So this country and city, is still a bit new and we wonder about our mother countries. But I digress.
Since Winnipeg has a vast amount of temperatures on any given day (it was -2C yesterday and today, as I said, -29C). This time of year, end of January/early February, is the coldest. While end of July/early August, is the hottest, with temps peaking out at +30 and rain rain rain. (flood anyone?).
Ok, so I just finished this movie. It took awhile for me to get into it. I don't remember the last time I saw a documentary. Thankfully it was about Winnipeg (although I'm unthankful about the +14 parts, seriously Guy! I want a clean movie!).
Winnipegers, love to be nostalgic, at least the ones I know. We talk about Eatons vs the Bay as if it was sibling rivalry for years and years. My mom's family only shopped at Eatons. Although (gasp) my mom was the Bay teen fashion consultant for awhile. Seriously, I'm not making this up. Her photo was in their window. I still remember dreamy Eatons, the escalators, the fifth floor restuarant (my granny would buy me a hot dog and small Coke.. and then when I grew up my mom, would buy me a hot turkey sandwhich), the seventh floor furniture (where I'd dream of my house one day), the big large washrooms (where I lost my Goodnight Care Bear.. he was found thankfully), and the parking lot that you'd go round and round. Anyways we tore it down in 2002. Next.
Guy also talks about the Winnipeg Arena.. the old Barn! I grew up watching NHL games on TV at my granparents, rarely going to see a Jets game in person, till I turned teenager, and got seasons tickets. Alas the Jets died in 1996. But I still remember the smell of the ice, the smell of the popcorn, the blue and red seats, the nose bleed section. It had awful accoustics and a large painting of the queen. And I mean large! We tore it down as well (closed in 2004, gone in 2006). The NHL died with no promises of ever being resurrected until...
Winnipeg suddenly decided to resurrect the dead dream of an NHL team (at least that's what the tax payers hoped or tried to make sense of this all). So just as we tore down our 50 year old cement barn, we built a new glass barn where we had demo'd Eatons. Hm. Winnipeg you are cruel in some ways.

After watching the movie, I loved Winnipeg even more. (minus the bizarre scenes). Here's a good blog post from Joanne Hatherly about the movie and Winnipeg:

"Everyone dreams of escaping it.

If I started running away from home at the age of three, who is to say that I wasn't trying to escape? Or that everyone else wasn't/isn't thinking of escaping?

In fact: Maddin has stumbled on an enduring, un-mined piece of Canadiana and it is this - It is a cog in Canada's cultural wheel that Winnipeggers dream of getting out of their city. Another cog is that everyone, especially Winnipeggers, want to some day live in Victoria.

Once escaping Winnipeg, everyone dreams of going back.

Yes. Here's why:

Prairie friendliness. "Friendly Manitoba" is not just a slogan on the license plates.

Seasons: Once you've grown up in a place like Winnipeg, for all your life you will know the smell of winter coming (fresh, arctic air drifts in one morning), and the incredible sense of euphoria that overtakes everyone on the day the light scent of the advancing spring wafts in. There aren't many places where you'll see such community-wide joy.

There's the gentle muffled sounds of a city covered with snow. It's as if the whole world is walking and wheeling in fuzzy socks.

The way the snow squeaks beneath your boots.

Mountains make a fine view, that is true, but in Winnipeg, the horizon is a mountain range of clouds that change everyday. Booming thunder, lightning storms so amazing people turn off their tv sets just to watch the sky sizzle.

Summer heat that drives residents who can't afford air conditioning to sleep in their basements.

And Winnipeggers take some pride in living in such a harsh climate. Not everybody can do it, and when they travel to foreign lands, people ask them about the snow, our wonderful, mythological snow, and they're amazed that we can live in it.

Winter is not really 8 months long, but we tell everyone that just to keep the house prices down, so that our kids can afford to build equity there."

coffee, computer games and christian novels

2011-01-22T21:47:00.000-06:00

What a post. I used to write more like these, slagged off (is that a word?), but now after the afternoon I had, time to post about current social media community and lack there of it.
first off, don't ever try to combine 8 cups of coffee (I filled it to the 8 cup amount), with 2 hours of 2 random Big Fish Game games... and sandwiching it all together with a cute-christian-blinddate novel.
But I digress. I thought about community a lot this week. I usually do but kept bumping into it in blogs, quick readings from my anglican prayer book, and thoughts of my current community
I can't be connected to everyone. At times this tires me, and at other times makes me sad and frustrates me. There are people who I want to be friends with. But for the life of me, we aren't. It's almost a throw back to my high school years. I want to be friends with the popular girl (nice hair, clothes, and is somehow better then me in whatever areas), but can't. I'm near borderline in the 'yes, she's better then me in the _______ area' which is a surprise since I always thought once I graduated grade school that would be behind me. I find it peculiar that I still want to be friends with someone who I'm not. They are still in my community whether it be because of work or church or extra curricular activities, and yet friendship is ellusive. Perhaps we are polite sharers of the same community, and our paths do not cross, nor do we make it an effort for this. Yet there is facebook. There is twittering. There are blogs... and even Linkedin if we want to get carried away. I have all 3.. 4... and myspace since I'm counting. I follow these people. I swear I commit more time to these people I want to be friends with, then people I AM friends with.
If I was in high school, would I be following the popular girl? Would I delve into her weekly blog? Subscribe to her tweets even though we'd eat lunch together in the same place 5 out of 7 days. Probably. I'd also probably watch her youtube videos on her fashion tips (way to go le chateau! body shop is SO last decade!).
what the heck am I doing to myself? pretending we have a relationship. pretending that its quite normal and important that I know where she has been, who she has been with and all her thoughts and dreams and who she's dating.. yes this is ok.
its like a virtual life of the person sitting next to me. welcome to stalking 2011. you stalk me via facebook, i stalk you via twitter. agreed.
graduating from high school does not disband cliques or raise self esteem. i wish it did. i wish it wouldn't bother me
when the gang or cool kids go out for coffee or slurpees and saunter by. sometimes i am the most lonely in my own community.
this is at the point I get into a flutter... God gently taps me on the shoulder, takes my backpack from me that feels so heavy and full of burdens.. and draws me close. I still watch the others walk away, you know. I just know I have someone behind me, every time.

Hospitality is the virtue..

2011-01-21T13:33:00.000-06:00

Hospitality is the virtue which allows us to break through the narrowness of our own fears and to open our houses to the stranger, with the intuition that salvation comes to us in the form of a tired traveler.
Hospitality makes anxious disciples into powerful witnesses, makes suspicious oners into generous givers, and makes closed-minded sectarians into interested recipients of new ideas and insights.
But it has become very difficult for us today to fully understand the implications of hospitality. Like the Semitic nomads, we live in a desert with many lonely travelers who are looking for a moment of peace, for a fresh drink and for a sign of encouragement so that they can continue their mysterious search for freedom.
What does hospitality as a healing power require? It requires first of all that the host feel at home in his own house, and secondly that he create a free and fearless place for the unexpected visitor. Therefore, hospitality embraces two concepts: concentration and community.
-From The Wounded Healer by Henri J. M. Nouwen

If I had time and space, I would buy this music

2010-11-01T09:55:00.001-05:00

Note, these next artists are not my usual contemplative worship musicians that I love. They are contemplative, they are musicians... and everything else in between. Some are signed to Christian labels, most aren't. JoelR this is for you too...

The most fun part of these musicians is I can never usually remember where or when I first heard them, they just grabbed my attention.

Cary Brothers - Ride http://www.myspace.com/carybrothers

Paper Route - I feel like I'm watching a movie with these guyshttp://www.myspace.com/paperroute

Kenna.. who has a bit of a rap/pop/alt feel. I took note of him and his story in the amazing book Blink ('The way he was discovered and the obstacles he faced to land a record deal are briefly discussed in Malcolm Gladwell's 2005 book Blink.')
http://www.myspace.com/kenna

I listen to the CBC every so often as I skim stations and I heard him singing one night.. Radiohead meets Canada and a nice acoustic guitar
http://www.myspace.com/patrickwatson

Trace Bundy.. lots of acoustic guitar, and any style too http://www.myspace.com/tracebundy

Jenn Grant.. once again driving home, late at night, and I found Jenn Grant on the CBC with the Nova Scotia symphony. Brilliant and timeless. I just realized the theme song for the TV show Heartland is done by her as well. Check out this youtube mix.

I was in Manchester/London for awhile and picked up brilliant artists thanks to Maryn and Chris (why can't I work for Radio 1?)

Jack Penate http://www.myspace.com/jackpenate Ah groovy, Tonight's Today

Gary Go, he opened for Take That when I saw them twice. Brilliant man Go listen to Wonderful.

Daniel Merriweather... Red.. what a voice! I'm in the disco dayshttp://www.myspace.com/danielmerriweather

VV Brown... Shark in the Water a bit more caffeine with this gorgeous voice http://www.myspace.com/vvbrown

Florence and the Machine.. http://www.myspace.com/florenceandthemachine I have no words.. sort of like todays Annie Lennox. Check out Cosmic Love, and You've Got the Love.

the Undiscovered

2010-10-23T22:18:00.004-05:00

A long while back (back in the early 00's!) I loved the Rock n Roll Worship Circus. A very artistic, edgy-looking 'christian' band, who loved guitars. They had weird names and I'm sure looked weird compared to the rest of the christian bubble bands. I loved them. I saw them at Providence college in the early 2000's and was nicknamed Cousin Alyssa. This was before United, perhaps at the same time as the Delirious craze, but these musicians weren't popular. I appreciated that.

Here is a video of Gabriel talking about it, then his second band (The Listening) performing it live. Lyrics are posted below.

And I see
A color white
So bright
The earth trembles
There is a cloud
Around His throne
That veils
The Undiscovered

So be afraid
For He is coming
In more glory
Than we have seen
So oceans roar
And all you creatures
Tell the nations

The Lord is King
The Lord is King

Let all creation see
All of creation see
Let all creation see
All of creation see
All of creation see

Competetitive Music by John Ellis

2010-10-20T10:14:00.000-05:00

This is a blog entry by John Ellis. Love it.. discuss!

COMPETITIVE MUSIC

As legendary 80's Saffa band No Friends Of Harry so memorably sang (albeit in a faux-Goth accent), "it's a raw deal, for the competition rules". Granted, that's probably out of context, but it helps me make the following claim with a certain amount of grim satisfaction: modern commercial music is actually nothing more than a blatant trade in commodities, and worse, it's starting to sound like it.

We've all known for decades, of course, that music in the West ceased being music somewhere around Bing Crosby/ Frank Sinatra. It went the way of everything pure and free and natural and good (especially post-WW2): it became a consumable commodity. Elvis was the apogee of that process, and it's all been downhill since "That's Alright Mama".
The Beatles perfected it, and there's a straight line to be drawn between their epoch-changing Ed Sullivan TV appearance in February 1964 and Lady Gaga in a meat dress in 2010.

Discuss.

One of the many anti-music skills I was told to learn during my years making music in Nashville was how to shrink-wrap songs. Music labels have staff-writers (they have for years) whose sole function is to sit in a room and craft hit songs for artists. That's called a laboratory in other fields of human endeavour.

And in the studio, giant leaps in technology have brought the process of sound recording into our bedrooms: everyone and their dog can buy a laptop and a version of Pro Tools, Logic, Cubase or the like and be uploading their 'songs' to myspace in a matter of hours. This democratization of the music-making process is a great thing, by the way, but that's for another blog.

Modern Top40 commercial radio fodder (this morning: Rihanna, Eminem, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Usher, Ke$ha) blatantly sounds like what it is: jingles for products. You could have made a case a few years ago for Eminem being worthy of some kind of genius, but not anymore. And I don't think I'm being old-fashioned grumpy bastard: when the Beatles were brand new, at least they could actually play real instruments, really sing, and write their own songs.

We just listen passively to test-tube music now. Lady Gaga (sorry to keep going on about her, but she's truly a new frontier) is selling Lady Gaga, not CD's. All artists are brands. The music is competitive: each artist competing for rapidly-disappearing chart space, WalMart shelf-space and Twitter followers in a war of popularity attrition, like some kind of never-ending audio Pop Idols.

It's becoming like listening to ad jingles all day, and it will eventually drive us all insane.

So, viva indie music, indie labels, bands with guys with beards and girls who don't give a shit, great songwriters who've never had a Top40 hit, kids learning guitar in their bedrooms because they love it, people who make music because they absolutely have to.

And death to Top40 radio!

Relational Exclusivity

2010-10-18T22:42:00.000-05:00

Ah yes, I discovered one of my weak points, one of my faults. It's called relational exclusivity and I wish to have exclusivity with all. It must come from being an only child/grandchild/niece for so long. The whole not sharing, or whats worse, seeing someone not share with you. Sometimes its not sharing the attention (or relationship), its seeing the secrets or attention pass you by.

When you are young this is very easy to target.. you don't share things or food or toys. But when you get older if you aren't cool enough, you may long for the cool girl to talk to you so she can be your friend, or the cool guy (!) to talk to you so that your below 0 status can be elevated to abit more on the plus side! This is worse when blatant ignoral by the cool people is done in your face. whisperwhisper.. nudgenudge.. gigglegiggle.. (HELLO IM RIGHT HERE!)

The hilarious part is that the cool people have the same struggles as you, and are just as insecure as you too.

I truly hate this and wish it had stopped in junior high. I wish I could stop feeling left out, stop feeling the need to be validated by a 'friend', stop feeling that I care. But I guess I do.. I care what others think, or if I think they can trust me. It's like elementary, junior high and high school all over again. Whether it be what they'd be wearing to school the next day, or who they were dating or marrying.

Yes, this is one of my needy areas. I never talk about these. As normal humans we don't talk about how we are needy, because then it seems we are leaches or draining or have too many problems. Here we go.. I need to feel loved and trusted and accepted by my friends... probably my family too.. but I'm working on that one as well.

I can only be thankful I don't have this with Jesus! 'Sorry Alyssa I can't listen to you, I'm listening to Jane's prayers right now.. Oh, whats that? Yes, sorry, I gave out all the healing I will today to Jane'.

So if I have ignored you, assumed we could all go out as a group, or have not shared a secret with you. I'm sorry.

A morale booster for Christian Canadian musicians :|

2010-10-08T10:42:00.003-05:00

Here is the email I received. Maybe I'll just play TFK and Starboys on repeat and the odd Nathan Finochio/Alexander Fairchild/Royal and Drew Brown to spice it up. I'll scratch your back, if you scratch mine!

**********************************

GMA Canada Week

We introduced a concept last year during the GMAC week, and I wanted to follow
up on it this year.

The artist community wants to challenge the radio stations from across Canada to
make GMA Canada Week a focus on Canadian artists. What we are asking, (and it
isn't a big ask at all, as you have your CRTC requirements anyway), is for
stations to commit to playing only Canadian music for one day, during the
conference. The "GMAC Radio Day" for 2010 is October 29, from 9:00 am until 9:00
pm (the day of the Covenant Awards).

What this would do for the artists in knowing that it is happening across Canada
would be a huge morale boost in feeling connected to the radio world. What we
want to do in return, is talk about each participating station at the lunches
during GMAC Week, and let the artists know who their supporters are.

*************
Uh-huh... perhaps I'll just put these guys on repeat.

Why married people need single friends

2010-09-20T12:59:00.000-05:00

I swear these people are reading my mind. Here is a quick snippet from the article. And/But to all my married friends who DO keep me in mind (and call!). THANK YOU!

"For singles who want to be married, having married friends simply keep you in mind as they move through their various social circles reminds you that you aren’t alone. (S)ingles need married friends to simply ask how they think of their own unmarried state and life course. Such questions might include: What is it like being single in a church oriented around families? Is it strange to hang out with all couples? ... And most importantly, How can I pray for you? For those who experience their singleness as a burden, having friends carry the burden with you reminds you of Christ’s presence and perfect law (Gal. 6:2). Married friends of singles sometimes don’t know how to broach the topic, afraid that it is too personal or painful a topic. Indeed, it is personal. But what are friendships but ways of knowing another person?"

My Tree

2010-09-18T14:34:00.000-05:00

Ah... my Tree... I say this plurrally and affectionatly to one of my dearest band of musicians. Tree63. We had a short time together.. (YC Wpg) May 2004, (Evangel) Sept 2004, (YC Wpg) May 2005, perhaps Bismark ND was in this summer, Franklin Graham in Oct 2006, (YC) Saskatoon in Nov 2006 (where we saw Catch a Fire), happily reunited in May 2007 for a bizarre pseudo-YC-AB/YC-Wpg weekend, and finally in July 2008, at a local church in Wpg.
4 years feels like a long time, but also quite short. Having international friends makes it hard to see them on a regular basis. I usually aimed at a yearly hang-out-time.

Next is a list of things which will sound both silly and sad, but its the only way to explain:
They are normal guys whom I never considered rock stars. Ever since day one, I always thought of them as friendly, personal, talented musicians who fortunately or unfortunately were in the christian Nashville world (CCM). If they hadn't been I wouldn't have met them. And since they came from South Africa, the USA was very different and they were definitely (thankfully) not apart of that CCM culture. At the end.. I could see what the industry had done or perhaps what they had to do in order to survive it. They were honest with me. They were real. They cared about my life, even my personal life as well :) I can honestly say that even in my Winnipeg church-history this has rarely happened. They enjoyed making relationships, not just the social kind. I saw them through two drummers, an engagement and marriage, many babies, many colds, many lost/damaged instruments and equipment, and many meals shared together. Unfortunately, they had this thing called christian-fame that was soon beginning to attach itself. It never affected us per say, just the others around us. Any prime example would be someone wanting something from them/me. Or jealousy? Envy?. (From an ex-church acquaintance who became related through marriage to them: 'Oh hi Alyssa.. uh, so why are you here?'.. I soon had to have excuses that were believable and valid in everyones eyes) Really.. the next time you have a group of friends you see once a year, please believe me in saying this is in no one any badge of honour I wish to carry.

And oh, just like all the other musicians that I've felt like a mother hen to (whether it be my boys (The Undecided)... or those Aussi rockers (Hillsong United).. I still care for them, whether they make music or not, how they are doing with Jesus, how their families are and how they have grown, and how my heart aches at how the ridiculous CCM industry has treated them.

But here is the real reason I wrote... Attached is an interview with John, and then his blog response.

And my response? Rock on John, how I do miss you all.
Mercy unto you, and peace, and love, be multiplied. Jude 1:2

I ache for creativity

2010-08-25T10:49:00.000-05:00

If you are reading this in facebook, please view in blog for photos (its worth it)

I just finished looking at Daley Hake's new photos he posted.. it made me ache again.

For most creatives I know, its an odd balance between freedom and restriction. The forced creativity and the random namby-pambpy loose creative flow (which I'm wondering where any flow is at the moment).

I just want time to sit and not have to think or create on command and then know it will look absolutely nothing like it intended. I will get criticized by the client and by other designers for opposite reasons.. no negative space, what the heck is negative space?!... too much yellow, why is she using 100% yellow?!, we need MORE YELLOWWWWWW... go take photos of Jane, again, again, no more more more, i need it professional, i need casual, i need her to wear her blue shirt, she needs to look professional... make it blurrrr, you know everyone has blurring in their photos... or HDR.. can't you make it look fake? you'know HDR? like a computer did it, except you did, but then in photoshop?... and last but not least my favourite comment from another designer to a nondesigner.. 'did you use comic sans?' ... 'uh yeah.. why?'

I long for stillness and for rest

for quiet and peace inside

to be able to tap into the Creator

go and sit and wait in the garden

Success

2010-08-23T13:38:00.000-05:00

(if viewing this in facebook, please go directly to blog)

Quote:

"Bands like P.O.D., Switchfoot and MxPx have all seen considerable success in the mainstream markets without compromising their faith."

Mainstream Success + faith = ? Happy? Fulfilled?

Christian Success + faith = ? Holier? Well done my good and faithful servent?

"I've spent ten years singing gravity away But the water keeps on falling from the sky.. I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away But the water keeps on falling from my eyes"

"My mind is dull and faded from these years of buy + sell.. My eyes have seen the glory of this hollow modern shell"

Jon Foreman

you had a beautiful wedding in my head

2010-08-23T10:10:00.000-05:00

growing up i dreamt we'd plan your day together

it would be big and white and fun and fluffy

dreams usually are you know

was it movies? magazines? where we thought we'd marry movie stars and pop stars...

from the moment he asked you, although he'd be asking me before about your ring right?

and all of your friends would have met him and gotten to know all about him

his quips and quarks

because this is the rest of your life

i was in the first part, so shouldn't i have some say about part two?

you were going to call the minute he asked..

you said.

and we were going to plan your dream day

i would see you dressed in white before he did

i would help you write your thank you notes from all your showers

we'd be eating left-over fancy sandwiches

id be trying to match your signature

and we'd be dreaming about your new name.. Mr & Mrs...

whether it be church or cathedral

pink dresses or red flowers

chocolate-vanilla-creamy-cake

your pretty glass shoes

I'd be holding your train

holding your bouquet

and letting go of your hand as you took his

Have a beautiful fairy tale life together

I'll be waiting here when you need me

Musicians.. Ministry.. Worship.. Entertainment

2010-08-05T13:34:00.000-05:00

I read this blog about Keith Green's 'Music or Missions' post.

It seemed to be a reflection of my past (near) 12 years in the (christian) music industry. He brought up everything I've continued to talk about.. the questions, the fame, the idolatry of the musicians. I'll try to write some comments on the article while I read it...

Yes, I have been asked by people what's the secret. I've went out for coffee with rock stars and been asked, 'ok so you've been in the business a lot and know lots of people... so we really want to know what's the secret'. (blank stare from me).. 'you know the secret of making it big, of getting in the business'. (me now trying really hard to cover my blank/shocked stare).

Because at that point I knew they were in it for the wrong reason. And I don't think he would have appreciated me saying, 'if you continue to try and push and strive at this music (industry), you won't be doing it for the right reasons. you will be wanting man to promote you and not God. you will be forcing your friends/family/church-community to support you because you are a christian. in doing this, you will think that the world loves you and will of course pay money for your cds, supporting you in this ministry. you will say that you are sharing jesus with them or your jesus relationship in exchange for buying cds. and they have to buy them, after all how can you support your nation wide tour? and soon, you will get burnt out, the machine will keep on turning, and you will be forced to continue to write about your jesus relationship in order to finance this ministry that you so love.'

The best advice I've ever heard is when one musician said to a budding potential one, 'If you want to be (like) me, go lock yourself in your closet and play your guitar. Shut off the lights and play your guitar. Stand on stage and play your guitar and sing and make sure no one is there. When you've done that for awhile, then.. then you can be (like) me.' Now I know this musician wasn't being trying to be humble (the woe-as-me attitude), he was trying to get at this kid's motives. If the kid wanted shiny fame, bright lights, and big cities.. then being a christian/worship musician was not the way to go. Nor would he ever be satisfied.

I can say this thousands of times: this will not satisfy you.

Psalm 27: 4 The one thing I ask of the Lord— the thing I seek most—is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in his Temple.
5 For he will conceal me there when troubles come; he will hide me in his sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock.
6 Then I will hold my head high above my enemies who surround me. At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy, singing and praising the Lord with music.

Recording your first album, getting the idolized producer, getting signed to a label, opening for BIG band, or getting AMAZING band to open for you, touring the entirety of Canada/US West Coast/Europe/Japan, merch/stickers/facebook-group, a passanger van/touring bus, roadie/manager/lawyers/label-execs/booking-agents, and signing a bazillion autographs so much that you will be able to mimic your band members signiture when they aren't there... will not satisfy you. (Nothing really will on this earth.. but ok ok I won't go there).

At the same point that you are telling us to worship God and not you, we still have somehow created this entertainment worship driven industry. (Hello Nashville). I've watched countless shows, seen the bright lights, the big stages, and heard the sweet sounds. And still it left me empty. I don't care whether Big Christian Worship Artist on stage was telling me to praise the Lord or raise my hands or close my eyes or sing loud or just shut up and pray. I am somehow now looking to them to worship. I remember being at a show of a then little-known worship leader. It was during the time when a regular band would have an encore. But the local church pastor said, please please.. give a clap (or the awful word.. 'praise offering') for God! Not 'Jack'. So we all clapped and shouted.. and then Jack came back on stage. ?! What just happened there?!

We start the concerts with prayer, we end it in prayer. And yet in between, we do basically everything that looks like a regular show.. praise from the audience, merchandise to sell (?!), and my least favourite.. autographs (and now photos). How someone's signature that they put on a Visa receipt, will now actually be 'worth' something is beyond me. Yes yes I've been there and done that. I've seen all the fan photos, been in the fan photos, taken the fan photos.. and have been with the musicians after. I've really never heard, 'WOW that was THE best autograph session we ever did! Did you see how many I signed? How amazing my autograph was!' Autograph/photo sessions are ridiculous. Yes its a thin veil in order to satisfy the crowds wants and needs of meeting these beautiful worship musicians. Every time I think, gee I really want to get a photo of me and them, I think. Well, who are they to you? If they are a friend, then amazing, beautiful. Take snap-shots of all your friends and paste them on the wall. But their status will not elevate yours. This should not get you more popularity nor elevate your social status. No.

I've had them answer their cellphones to hear that their wife is exhausted and is trying to take care of their baby and toddler who is fighting a cold, again. They regretfully end the call, look over and say, 'You know some days I'd do anything to be with my family. This just isn't worth it.'

I've had a personal experience with a stalker. Not mine, just someone who I resembled. A singer who I admire and think is beautiful from the inside out. Has a wonderful family, is crazy talented and does love Jesus. And this stalker was a habitual liar in order to get close to the singer. Lied about having a life threatening disease, when I had family members who actually WERE fighting this disease. All to get close to fame. To their idol. Glory be to God?

I've had band members or myself get sick every time they flew in, exhaustion takes it toll. In order to protect your number one asset (which is the lead singers voice), you have to take extreme measures. Perhaps forbid them to speak/sing for awhile, unless its on stage... because bills have to be paid and yes, the show must go on.

I've had band members have massive surgery before a tour, then to be put on a liquid only diet, and the runner balk at getting them soup. The singer was, seriously, too humble to explain why they needed to be on a liquid diet.

I've hung out with my musician friends and ask, 'Where are your drivers?' 'Oh, they are standing over there' (motions to about 50 feet away).. 'Why aren't they with you?' 'Well, they talked a bit to us when they picked us up, but soon ran out of things to say and just watched us eat. Kinda weird. Like we had to entertain them.'

I've been told, countless times, 'no Alyssa you can't go here or there, or go back stage, or in that room and to please leave (my church). Because you're a female, and we all know what you are after.' I'm still unsure as to this. I don't want their fame because it doesn't exist in my mind. I don't want their fortunes, because it should go to someone else (perhaps that missionary in New Zealand), and I don't want them as my husband (especially right then and there), because I know their wives dearly love them so and they love them back as much.

Here's some last advice from Keith Green:
(W)hy do you spend more money on Gospel records and concerts than you give to organizations that feed the poor, or to missionaries out in the field?
How come no one idolizes or praises the missionaries who give up everything and live in poverty, endangering their lives and families with every danger that the "American dream" has almost completely eliminated? How come no one lifts up and exalts the ghetto and prison ministers who can never take up an offering, because if they did they would either laugh or cry at what they'd receive?
Quit trying to make "gods" out of music ministers, and quit desiring to become like them.

And a last post from Jamie (former guitarist for TFK):

"in an attempt to ’shift’ my priorities according to HIS Will, some of the things I enjoy immensely had to take a back seat (at least for a season.) obviously this was the case with ‘the temporary music.’ I’m so grateful for that process and outcome because it has really helped me to focus in on WHY I write, record and play music as well as to WHOM I’m doing it for. in that process these songs that we have been working on have gone through considerable transformation and are FINALLY on the right track. to be honest – most of the songs were written, recorded and ready to show all of you – but they just didn’t feel right. like I said – it all came down to WHY are we creating these songs and WHO are they meant for? I think you’ll find the answer obvious once we do finally release these songs – and my prayer is that they will bless you as much as they have blessed us."

In search of... (Hot Pursuit 2010)

2010-07-25T01:35:00.000-05:00

So after a crazy week, I decided to open up a bit more about it. I rarely post about work, unless its about a photoshoot and my day becomes like Christmas. In every job/position I've had, its never been about the work, so much as who you are working with. And this week for a few days and many hours, we were definitely feeling like we were along for the ride. Literally and figuratively.

A group of 5 cyclists were chasing one man from BC.. all on bicycles (Hot Pursuit 2010). They gave him a head start. He stopped to sleep, they didn't... well the whole team kept going.. but they slept and rode interchangeably. I had been one of their behind-the-scenes crew for the past few months... our website and 'their' website, photos, two news release events, helping with the design/layout of the uniform/kit, and more photos. Then banners at the last moment (the yellow Caution banner was made in 5 min flat) and a quick goodbye party for all the crew and one rider... or cyclist. Suddenly I was (more) aware of cyclists.. they now in fact were cyclists and not bicyclists. I sometimes take Wellington Cresent home.. and there were tons of them.. like 50! Every time I saw one, I immediately thought of our guys peddling in the mountains on the #1 HWY getting nearly run over by someone. I said a quick prayer for their safety.

They had a hilarious and strong crew.. we were kept updated by their blog (thanks to Trevor for setting it up), the photos they posted, the video they captured, and the TWEETS. Suddenly Twitter was my lifeline to them, and we'd tweet back and forth and I'd tell the world what they had for lunch, what Harry had blessed today or how I was missing the strength of their coffee. We could all message each other in seconds with the world to see day or night. They were always 'on'.

At first they were supposed to roll into town between 4-7pm on Wednesday night. Well on Tuesday it was reported they'd get in at 4am.. that's definately a crazy hour! After a very tiring Tuesday, fiting in guitar and a bridal shower. I quickly came home to find out via Twitter that the new time was 2am, with a guesstimated arrival at the Perimeter at 1:30am. That didn't seem so bad! So after some quick emails with coworkers.. I thought, why not! And soon I had lack of sleep and more excitement to fill in the gap.

I was also trying to listen to the still small quiet voice in my head/heart. I knew they'd be past Portage but definitley be before the perimeter and trying to figure out math.. kms.. speed.. the whole gamut. Very hard at 11pm. I couldn't fall asleep I was SO excited at seeing them! God aka still small quiet voice was speaking quite nicely :) Telling me to leave at 12:45, take North Perimeter.. and keep on going around to the West Perimeter and head towards Headingly/Brandon. Hm. Ok. So off I went. Taking my usual 'go to work' thermos of tea. Once I turned onto HWY #1 it felt a bit odd to be driving to Brandon.. in pitch blackness with the semis. Plus I forgot the usual amount of construction on the highway, as well as slow speeds in Headingly. I began to doubt. What if I couldn't find them? Well that's embarrassing! What if I didn't drive enough, or missed them somehow (the highway wasn't always parallel with each other). Plus its 1am now.. 1:10am... what was I thinking?! I suddenly got them time of 1:20am in my head. Ok ok... I'll drive west till 1:20 and we'll see what happens.

I forgot that on the perimeter, you can't turn at any time, like on a normal street in the city. There are markers every so often.. and in the pitch blackness its much harder to see! Every light in the distance was a car or semi. :( What was I thinking. This is all so silly I thought. As the clock turned towards 1:19.. and then soon to 1:20 I could see a tiny little blue light in the distance surrounded by many flashing lights. I began to slow down and right at that point if all came together... I saw the turnoff marker, I saw the cyclists riding together followed by the van and RV.. they passed just as I slowed down at the turn off.

If that wasn't perfect timing I'm not sure what could be. I had peace, I had the perfect timing.. it was great! It was a boost that I could hear God and that He was speaking to me. So many things I have waited for or wanted or not wanted... and I thought over and over.. Am I hearing right? Am I hearing at all? I don't get this.

I was way past the whole.. just believe and it'll happen and have (the right amount of) faith and you'll see it and... the list went on. I would fall back into legalism which I hated. I kept trying to get to Gods heart and not seek just His hands (His blessing).

So I followed the guys slowly up to the perimeter (top speed is 40km/hr)... and then to the Legislative. It was cool.. as if I was part of something bigger than me that I could actually see and be proud of. These guys had done SO much.. and yet it was in no way comparison to the one guy they were competing against as well. All raising money for charity.

It's wonderful when you can personally contribute to something larger than just you. Be apart of a team. Be happy. It was so nice to have that happiness and joy back of contributing to something larger. I used to get this feeling from doing conferences with a team. You could see the little family all around you. The ones that didn't know what it would look like.. but we all kept together until the day finally came.. then we all worked and worked till we were ragged together.. and then once it was done, we could stand back and smile. And be proud. Thanks to all the of the 5 riders (Chris, KK, Jon, JB, and Cricket) and the 6 crew!

Here are some of my fave photos, in backwards order taken by all of us!

My home away from home: Sanctuary

2010-07-11T23:29:00.000-05:00

I'm going to tell you abit about my home. My home away from home; Sanctuary House of Prayer.
Most everyone who I tell about it, don't recognize the name, or confuses it with another church here with a similar first name. Then when I tell about how we run from 3-9.30pm, they get even more confused. How we aren't in our own building, have many musicians.. and well we pray alot. Of course. But we do have normal 'service' times. Errr. ya. And our sister/mother/cousin church is IHOP (International House of Prayer), not THAT IHOP... (and if you make a joke about pancakes its not the first one we've heard. really.)..

We are getting ready to move, even though our 4 year home has always been temporary. And been a gracious temporary home. I'm sure we all have our own visions of what our new building, our new home could look like. Some have visions of strip malls, some of cathedrals, some of church basements... just anywhere.. sometimes.. please. A home to call our own. To have day and night worship and prayer for the city, for this country, and above all, for our God.

A passage that describes us is Psalm 27:4
One thing I ask of the LORD,
       this is what I seek:
       that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
       all the days of my life,
       to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
       and to seek him in his temple.

When I first started going, it took awhile to figure things out. To meet people and get to know them as friends took a year. To trust them as people who could pray for me was nearly immediate. And soon the friendships started. The worship, the prayers, the atmosphere and attitude directed toward God, to the One Thing. never changed. That has never changed. I just want a home for us. A house.. I want a house for the Lord! Can you imagine that we could do this in one place for more than just 8 hrs a week?

As I'm writing this I'm at my radio home. I just flipped open a CD and it read: "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face, then will I hear from heaven... forgive their sin and heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14. Sigh.. yes.. yes that too.

Jacquie wrote a really good blog about SHOP too.. please check it out here. The whole thing is really good, so please take a look. She ends with 3 things that would help us greatly please!

"1. PRAY! Please pray for a building for us, that we will find the right one, that the Lord will provide the resources needed, and that we will follow His leadership throughout the process.
2. SHARE! Tell your friends and your friends’ friends, your relatives and your relatives’ relatives, your co-workers, your neighbors – anyone and everyone! You never know where there might be a connection that could help us find our new home!
3. HELP! If you see or know of a suitable building for sale – tell us, if you have millions of dollars you want to get rid of – by all means do share, if you have or know of a space for rent or lease or free – we’ll take a look at that too! Any lead or donation or anything would be super helpful to us at this stage in our journey."

So this is goodbye...

2010-07-05T21:27:00.005-05:00

Sometimes there is no starting points to friendships, and other times, no end points either. At least with family, we know we will be related to them forever.. through death and life.
For many of my friendships, I can't remember the first time we 'became friends'. In grade school this was easy, I was friends with Penny and Kim because of their last names (the R's). Always comforting when you have to line up alphabetically by last name... go on a school trip... or sit next to someone for the whole year.
With the girl friendships, we always get super tight at some point. We think, even though we may never say, how special and close we are with them. And usually the pinnacle is then these girls ending up in our bridal party. As a celebration and changing to that friendship. I rely on these girls for emotional, spiritual, mental support. And yes physical too (we moved around alot!).

New boyfriend/girlfriends change everything. The question, 'have you heard from so and so?'.. 'no, they must be in a new relationship', has been heard more than once :) You see them later, with this new person in tow. Sometimes, if you are lucky, you get to meet the new person before they get married, other times not. Actually, oddly enough, not enough period. I can count on my hand, maybe a few of my friends whose significant others I have met before they got engaged or married.

A large commonality that we once shared and talked about, being single, is gone now.

How odd. Someone who I cared about and relied on for months and years, now has a signifcant other, who is taking over responsibilities that I used to have. It is a goodbye of some sort. Not only their singlehood, but of parts of our friendship. A saying good bye, which I never got to do. And I really wish I did.

You think, oh we will phone each other and see each other and email (whether we move away or not). No. We get busy with our new lives. And that's ok. I just wish at one point there was a 'goodbye'. My heart feels heavy, for anyone that knows me, knows that I don't say goodbye.. only see you later. I've watched bands breakup, girlfriends fly across the world, and I never said goodbye, just see you soon.

To all my girlfriends who are entering into a new journey (or who already have), goodbye. I love you and will miss you. Here, in a random no-name, list.. are my goodbye girls:

I remember when we drove out to Gimli, randomly, for the evening, walking along the pier. Whenever I was with you, I felt lighter and laughed more. I admired your drive and passion for life.
You looked at a new adventure head on and willingly dove in. (JW)

I remember when we went out for a walk on Corydon with JP, stopped at 7-11, got slurpees, then since none of us had seen Transformers before, decided to randomly go see it. Now. We watched silly old romance movies on tv, dreaming of the day when that would happen to us. We worked long hours together, wondering what our futures held, if we would ever get out of this small-town store. (MT)

I remember driving to California with you, driving to Florida, driving to Willmar, driving to the Great Lakes. We spent hours navigating, praying and sharing with each other this new found love of Jesus. In the crazy world we were trying to get out of and shut out, we could find peace growing in God together. (DR)

I remember getting a loonie, getting on my bicycle and driving to your house blocks away. We would zoom off to 7-11 and buy slurpees and coke bottles. Neither one of us was dreaming how to drive cars yet, only talking about your new Nintendo and how we would conquor Marios Bros. Although we had our differences in junior high, you always lend a caring and supportive ear to me now. I hope I can do the same. (KL)

I remember learning how to play chess with you, sharing my secrets with you about my family and you always knowing what to say. We were cool geeks and neither different schools nor different provinces could separate us. We would play Barbies and now shop for the fashions our Barbies wore. (PR)

You were the one to bring me out of my shell. Always happy and chatty, always sociable. We had sleepovers and shopping trips. We watched movies and rode our bikes past the cute guys house. You always wanted them to be home! Many of my crushes were made much more public then need be :) You made me feel just like a part of your big Ukrainian family when I travelled to your wedding, thank you. (MH)

I remember buying Bop magazine and Big Bopper. Spending hours shopping with you for the latest UK Boy band CD. You had all the posters in your room, I had all the tapes. We would go to all the concerts, watch YTV's Hit List with Tarzan Dan for glimpses of them, and scream when they came on the screen. I remember both of us realized Jesus was in our lives all along, at the same time. I wished we had stayed closer. (KR)

I remember going to Bible Study with you, joking about the musicians that we knew, the times we worked together, all the powerpoints you saved and I just clicked along next to you, we had good coffee times, and I know you are growing up in your new place. (CL)

I remember in high school we were the best of friends. We didn't understand guys and the feelings were mutual. Although we liked many, the many never liked us back. So we decided that we'd be the Fighter Pilot Accounting Nuns for life! (LD)

I first met you in junior high, you were taller than me and quiet. Although we had different families and backgrounds, you were one of the closest all through out school. Guys were a common topic, thankfully we never liked the same one. You loved to wear your lipstick perfectly and always got the perfect marks. I was Timotei and you were Panteen. And remember Folklerama! I was the Pavilion of Timbuktu :) I was honoured when you asked me to speak at your wedding. (HDC)

We must have started our friendships at one of the house groups. The last house we went to was yours. We'd stay up late and watch Peter Mansbridge and eat the yummy food you made. You always were up for an adventure.. getting lost in a snow storm to see a random Fargo band.. having the best Southern MB adventure.. and going to antique stores. You are fun and loved. (SH)

I remember first meeting you in the park, we had ice cream with a bunch of other people, and realized we had tons in common. We loved the Holy Spirit and unconventionalness :) We could laugh uncontrollably or talk into the wee hours of the evening. I could always come up to you and say.. 'I need to give you what I've got!'.. whether it be coffee or Jesus, it'd be fun! (CC)

I remember History class with you. We liked to sit on our desks and you would brush my hair during the movies. We rode the bus together and laughed and laughed. You showed me Jesus for the first time. We cried together and journeyed together. Late night coffee and drives were the best. You dyed my hair tons of times and were as good as my own hair dresser! You shared your family and home with me, that was appreciated. (BM)

I wish you the best of course, always;

‘This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

'Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.'

Upside Down

2010-05-16T13:15:00.003-05:00

I'm sure I've been quiet as of late. Less emails, less calls, less posts, less.... everything. I feel less, but have more.

Mid April 17&18 was a grad for one of the programs where I work, the weekend after was big grad. The weekend after I moved into a brand new house. The weekend after that my friend from Britain came and stayed for a week. I just dropped him off at the airport and then picked up 2 new cat buddies.

Needless to say, its like I feel my life has been turned upside down. I move out of my home I've had for the past 15 years with all of my furniture, but now my surroundings are completely different. I often tell people I feel like I'm in a hotel with my furniture.

Not only am I still adapting to my new surroundings and sounds, my friend and I had to adapt to our comings and goings. What we ate and when, what music we listened to, what life was without cable, living in a construction zone and getting lost in the woods (literally), and go go going. At the end of this blurry week, I missed him dreadfully. Companionship removed is sad in whichever form. I had seem him last summer and before that the winter of 2005. We had first met way back in 2001. Many brief, long times, spread out across the ocean.

And now I've rescued two little cats who themselves were living in a 3x4 glass condo for about a month. They now have at least 2,000 sq ft. Half of that a cement basement, the other half furry rugs.

I miss my community and am watching from the sidelines. Watching as they come and go, move from Winnipeg to beyond.. islands.. other provinces. I'm watching online as relationships start. I'm hearing words and whispers.. and just wondering. I am still here and I do still care.

I do know we are created for relationships. Whatever they look like. As much as I miss my community that was here, my church community, I sometimes miss my God even more. Both are longings from the heart.

I miss normal. I miss what I can't have.

As Liz said from Roswell: "The difficult part is when you follow you heart, you leave normal, you go into the unknown and once you do you can never go back."

Psalms and singing

2010-05-10T09:45:00.000-05:00

This is a favourite and one that has brought me comfort right now:
Psalm 27: 4 One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple.
5 For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.

6 And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.

And if I were to sing a song.. it would be this:

Psalm 93

1 The LORD reigns, he is robed in majesty;
the LORD is robed in majesty
and is armed with strength.
The world is firmly established;
it cannot be moved.

2 Your throne was established long ago;
you are from all eternity.

3 The seas have lifted up, O LORD,
the seas have lifted up their voice;
the seas have lifted up their pounding waves.

4 Mightier than the thunder of the great waters,
mightier than the breakers of the sea—
the LORD on high is mighty.

5 Your statutes stand firm;
holiness adorns your house
for endless days, O LORD.

Little River Faithfest 2003 Review - July 25, 26, 2003 Minnedosa Manitoba

2010-04-08T15:31:00.002-05:00

On July 25th-27th, the first annual Little River Faith Fest was held on a sweltering weekend. This event, not to be confused with Little River Rock Fest, was held at the same location, with the same vendors, by the same people. The staff was told that, if they volunteered for this event, they then would get tickets to the next week Little Rock event. It was an event that suddenly popped out of nowhere, being heavily advertised on dual faith radio stations, with big bands like Audio Adrenaline, Jars of Clay, Pillar, Benjamin Gate... ooops wrong about that (they cancelled), and Tree 63.. ooops they cancelled too.

On Friday night, the whole thing kicked off with the start of Battle of the Bands (sponsored by Avante Records). Somehow the lineup times got misconscrewed, so that one of the bands, the Peacemakers, ended up not performing at all. At the end of the short sets, Alpacas for Sale won out over Nagoya, and were then guaranteed a Sunday performance. No Reason, Sardis, I Witness, and Just also performed on Friday night. Sardis, the on again/off again rockers, were supposed to switch the bill with the Ripperz, however ended up showing up, with the Ripperz being bumped to Saturday night. All of the bands got a hearty welcome from the crowd that actually did show up, perhaps that is why Just will be returning with new friends I Witness on September the 6th for a show.

The next afternoon kicked off with a three hour Avante Records show, featuring Malynda, Fresh I.E. and Be-Ka. After that I Witness again took to the stage. During one of I Witness's hard rocking shows, lead singer Rob fell off the stage. Don't worry folks! The band kept playing and Rob kept on screaming from the ground, after realizing he fell on his once dislocated shoulder. It was all good though, Rob got back on stage and told the crew that they could call an ambulance and he'd be right over after they finished the set. 5 songs later, he jumped in the ambulance and went to the hospital to get checked out. Keep your ear to the ground for these guys, who have a CD to be released quite soon. Newcomers Isaiah's Answer was next and consisted of all age range members. Reminiscient of Caedmon's Call and other folk/rock CCM bands, this band does have the potential to go farther, they just need to find their niche and get a little more experience.

Finally came one of the bands I had waited for, 38th Parallel. This band never ceases to impress me, due to the fact that the vocals are always entertaining. Mark on lead vocals, is not only the screamer, but the singer of the band, with a background in musical theatre. With him posing on the stage in his 'Kiss Me I'm a Pirate' t-shirt, you could instantly tell this dude could have had another life as an actor, easily. This is the only band I've seen who has two dual lead singers, the other being Nate. I heartily reocmmend any band to have a lead singer (the more the better) that is not attached to a guitar and then hence needs a mike stand. These guys were introduced as having a new album "Turn the Tides", however this album had been released almost exactly a year ago. Hopefully they will go into the studio very soon, since their two new singles that they sang had excellent crowd response, and would not get out of my head. They seemed very at home on the large stage, and infront of the small but intense crowd. They welcomed any form of crowd response and a good vibe was felt throughout the crowd. Both the mosh side and the folding chair side of the audience. Surprise #1 about this weekend was that the crowd area was entirely a combination of sand and rocks, which when moshing, made a huge dust storm and turned everyone's sneakers a greyish-brown.. cough-cough.

Starfield was next. Hailing from North Kildonan, they were recognized quite well and although I expected to see rockstars, or perhaps at least something close to it since they finally had label status, there was nothing of the sorts. They are just finalizing their record contract with Nashville-based Sparrow Records, and perhaps this could have been their last Manitoban concert for a long time. I could have compared this Starfield show to any of their shows I had seen in the past while, whether it be in Steinbach, Winnipeg, or Calgary, these guys are solid. They played all of the fan favourites off of their recent "Tumbling After" CD, as well as a few of the worship favourites (what a nice change for Christian bands). Winnipeg is certainly going to have a large hole once these guys leave, as there are few and far between bands in the city who are this talented and have the ability to minister to others God's heart so well.

The Harlem Gospel Choir was up next, and wow what a show stopper. I don't know if anyone was prepared for a show like this, since the percentage of Black Gospel music is at a low in Manitoba. But at the end, they certainly had all ages jumping to their feet, dancing away, and clapping their hands to every song they sung. It was like the entire crowd was down south for a huge revival meeting. Hopefully this amazingly talented group of people will be back next year, or else one like them, like the Toronto Mass Choir.

Sky Harbour fka Anthem, which are one of Inpop's newest band, did have amazing stage presence and were also recognized and respected for their hair-dos. This band could fit right in with the college-rock scene, and what they lacked in vocals, they made up with running and jumping all around the stage. Personally, their bassist, who had such dry wit, would have won best stage character In response to the constant banter or heckling, who kept saying to the crowd 'I don't know how you guys do it in Canada, but in America we have the mics, we are the ones that talk'.

Finally at the stroke of midnight, the headliners of the evening, Jars of Clay, came onto the stage. I don't think the crowd was at all surprised to the fact that they were wearing hoodies and touques, in fact I was seriously debating going to the Starfield merch table and borrowing a hoodie and touque for the night as well. Surprise #2 was that the nights away from the city are COLD! I'm sure some people might have thought that Jars lacked stage presence, but seriously they aren't a rock band, they are generally known for their accoustic folk/rock sound. What some thought they lacked in stage presence, they totally made up for in their sound and talent. They played some stuff off of their newer albums and of course did the fan favourites, like 'Worlds Apart' (a wow moment), and 'Flood', but also did many from their 'Eleventh Hour' album, one which I can never get enough of. One of my favourite parts, was when they went on to explain their 'Valley Song', which they wrote when a friend of theirs died. A song about suffering, this song can only truly be enjoyed in the midst of suffering. The band showed its true talents with only a couple of guitars and perfect vocals. They could be placed in any coffee house, infront of any group of people, and you would know that they would enjoy it just as much. Jars are a band of story tellers, who can strip a song down to its basics and still have an awesome performance. After a nice long set, the Ripperz, who at one point supposed to show up, did not. So the crowd of about 1500-2000 people found their beds and for the lucky ones, they were in heated homes.

On the second morning, Alpacas For Sale, the Battle of the Bands winner, tried to wake everyone up, although the heat itself was quite draining, and most took shelter in what few shady spots could be found. On arriving at the top of the amphitheatre for Threadline's show, the sound hurt my ears. so much so, that we were wondering what we had done with our earplugs. I left my friend at the top, while I ventured warrily down to the front of the stage for pictures, only to find out that the sound was fine. So if you thought some bands were loud and had annoying guitars, try changing your position. The afternoon crowd was around 500-700 for Threadline's show, with Jeff from Alpacas doing double duty on bass guitar. We had also just missed another entertaining accident on stage, with Derek slipping and falling on the stage, but still continuing to play guitar. These guys have just released their first album, Undefined, since signing with Bloodbought Records. This certainly was a rocking show, with lead singer Blair, roaming around the stage, standing on the speakers whenever he could. Their first single, Too Far, got the most reaction for the crowd, which left everyone dusty again.

Surprise #3 of the weekend, there was absolutely no drinking water on the site that was free. I don't know what was more of a surprise, that you had to buy drinkable water for $2, something that is needed to live on especially on a hot day. Or the fact that perhaps someone thought it was ok to not have a drinkable source tap turned on somewhere. Although yes there was showers available to the campers quickly on site, I didn't really want to take my water bottle over there. However, one mom finally had to get water from the little sinks in the port-o-potties. Even the concessions on site had to bring in their own water. Now from both experience and asking around, I know that festivals like Cornerstone and Sonshine have large industrial sized containers of water for the campers and concert goers, as well as bathrooms where you can get tap water that is drinkable. I'm not sure if this was some new money idea with selling water, but if someone were to get heat stroke from lack of water, I'm sure suing someone could be an option.

Amanda Stott was next. I'm sure her performance was one of the most enjoyed for the locals, since she hails from Brandon. This young singer/songwriter is exceptionally talented and had a beautiful songbird voice. She sang favourites like the grammy award artist Marc Cohen's "Walking on Memphis", or the ever popular Avalon's "Testify to Love". This sweet country girl was a complete switch from the heavy rockers of Threadline. I do wonder if the fans stayed to hear her, or happened to find solace somewhere in the shade or in the showers.

The next act slated was Tree 63. They somehow were not there, but still on the bill as of Friday nights posted online schedule. This ensued a very LONG break with which I'm sure the vendors were extremely happy with. I took solace under the tent with the World Vision crew who were slated to go on stage in place of Tree 63. World Vision which had been already touted by Starfiled, and a rather interesting monologue by Dan Haseltine, of Jars of Clay. They are holding a fund raising benefit concert and a 30 hour famine at the end of this month (August 29th) for the kids of the war torn Iraq. While the crowd of people, who were already stuffed of fast food, were told of the thousands of kiddies that die a die (27,000, like 9-11 5 times a day), World Vision workers walked around the crowd with pictures of kids willing to be sponsored. They also promoted the FREE concert which will feature, Bucky Driedger of Alpacas for Sale Battle of the Bands winner, Nagoya (BoB runner up), Hundred Mile Day, All Rights Reserved, and A Place Tommorow. This will be at the old Southdale Baptist/Gateway South church on 230 Lakewood Blvd on Friday August 29th.

Finally at around 6pm came Go Fish. From the first sounds, they sounded like Plus One, the 'first' Christian boy band. Surprisingly, these guys were one of the bands who won over almost the entire audience. They are a 3 piece acappella group, with amazing harmonies and have funny, easy going stage personalities, which I'm sure carry off stage as well. Old and young by the end where following their actions and clapping along, though for me, it was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle tshirt that Jamie was wearing. The guys kept the crowd laughing especially when it was found out that Andy is from Canada, and Jason grew up on a hog farm in the South... this entailed a rowdy songs featuring lots of 'YEE-haws'.

Finally, the band I had been waiting to see for a very long time came onto the stage, Pillar. I was blown away by their talent at entertaining the crowd. However I think it really didn't matter if the crowd was there or if they had been on a different stage or city or ahem, state. The official rockstars of the weekend seemed to be so into their stage presence and just plain looking good, that I don't think they really cared what the crowd did. This was a totally different band then what I remember from first seeing them two years ago at the third stage at Sonshine. Perhaps it was because I had just finished up looking at many many bands over a period of three weeks for the battle of the bands, that now a band had to have more than eye popping stage tricks to impress me. Although yes I was impressed when for their last song, Kalel (bassist) did a guitar toss at the same time that Noah (guitarist) did a cartwheel, and Rob (lead singer) took a flying leap and shot water out of his mouth. I was so wowed out, that I didn't notice if Lester (drummer) did anything. Although shortly before this he was pounding so hard on the drums that he was bouncing up and down off his chair and twirling his drum sticks at the same time. These new rock stars have just been signed by MCA, aka Geffen Records after the merge between the two sister labels, all owned by Universal Music Group. Kalel is quoted as saying that "Geffen has made Pillar their #1 rock priority right now". You can sure tell that, since when Rob finally did speak to the crowd at the beginning of the 5th song, he did mention now playing secular shows. And maybe that's why suddenly they launched into a riff that one fan mentioned was from an Audio Slave song. This band has energy and tons of it, but from both a fan and media persepective I was given the aloof, untrusting vibe more than once. I don't know how many bands realize this, but if a person comes up to you wearing your tshirt/pin/hoodie etc and then perhaps starts talking media/radio lingo, they do not want to bash or trash you, nor want to stalk you. Part of a job being media is to promote and hopefully get to know a band, by being able to go places and talk to bands that the average fan cannot. However on this weekend, I think someone should have let certain bands know this. Yes, I realize everyone is tired and has had a long way of getting here, yes so have we as well. I really don't care who a band is signed with, what big name they are touring with, or if they are the ones headlining, all I care about is where their hearts are at... entertaining or worshiping.

What a nice surprise it was to see the last two bands. Watching Skillet on stage was something like having your friends over to your basement or garage who had been drinking Jolt cola all day. These guys were totally at home, and had abandoned their neo goth/punk look. Their new look was straight out of the collage band scene, complete with retro tshirts and trucker hats. They totally rocked the crowd, including John who kept breaking his bass strap. Finally one of the stage guys brought out some electrical tape, with John profusely apologizing, however the crowd loved it. It was finally nice to see a band who was ready to do anything for the fans. This show was most certainly for the fans and no one else. You would have never known that Korey, John's wife, is the mother of their baby girl. She was pounding on the keyboards as hard as everyone was playing, at the same time singing and when her hands weren't busy on the keys, she was mashing on the guitar. Lori, the drummer, banged away, while Ben, the lead guitarist, amazed the crowd by playing the guitar behind his head. However long their set felt to some, for most it was not long enough. I'm sure the crowd and band would have been blessed to have Skillet come back for a worship set. Hmmm... idea for next year?

The closer band of the weekend was Audio Adrenaline, who were happily seen mingling around the VIP deck and behind the stage throughout the night. They launched onto the stage with bright lights, big smoke, and loud music and enough energy to send all those snap happy bands home packing. They were the first and only band to which I thought after only one song, I would have easily paid more than half the full ticket price to see just them (at the doors, they raised the weekend ticket price to $100). Surprise #4 both I'm sure to myself and the audience, that the little fenced off area between the mosh area and lawn chair area, could be used for the lead singers! Immediately into one of their first songs, Mark launched himself off the stage and into the fenced up part which (duh) could be used for singers who want to come bounce and rock with the crowd. (Why did it have to take the last band to figure this out?) Tyler (lead guitarist) then launched himself off the stage and into the crowd, so others could play on his guitar... and he was still connected to a patch cord. They had an amazing lighting set up and if they had been anywhere else, say Sonshine, the crowd would have gotten the same set/lighting quality type of show. The guys were absolutely amazing (including Will's HUGE mohawk), inviting up a slew of fans onto the stage and still joking around with everyone. It was like one big backyard party and I finally was dressed for it. Under multiple layers of clothing I jumped around with everyone else, and then at the end of the show around midnight, knowing I had to drive 2 hours home, I wanted Audio to keep on playing! This show truly could have been called Spectacular Spectacular.

This little group of fans of 2,000, compared to say 15,000, certainly got their money worth in this weekend. They got a show which was quite tiny in attendance, compared with heavies Cornerstone that has around 10 stages, but still had awesome sound, lighting AND quality bands for the most part. This first annual crowd was also lucky, because I'm sure next year it will be quite a bit harder to get third row for the headlining band. If LRFF attendance doubles next year, I wouldn't be surprised. Hopefully however, I hope they get the water situation sorted out. In comparison to Sonshine, for ticket prices (with conversion) it is the same. Everything else was in Canadian funds (food/camping), and it is a closer drive, but Sonshine does have 5 stages versus just 1. Personally I'd rather go to the smaller venue since I know I can get quite close to the stage, then share everything with thousands of other fans. One of the hilarious highlights was security, who I'm sure were imagining something along the lines of Little River Rock Fest. As soon as Jars of Clay came on stage, there was 6 security guys up at the front, arms crossed, ready to move into action. I'm sure all the fans were all wondering what they were for. Then when one security guy tried to get the audience to clap for a slower Jars of Clay song, even the guitarist at one point looked a bit perturbed. Maybe someone should have told them that most fans at a festival like this, aren't about to go as crazy as the Rock Fest. If it were say a crowd of 2,000 for Pillar, all moshing about, ok then yes.

The bands were treated to cute little construction like trailers which were outfitted in the lastest 70's decor. They even had that retro cute cottage musty smell to them and were well stocked with food and water... ahhhh free water. They and the other VIP members were also treated to a VIP deck, which had scheduled meals (I'm not sure exactly when since I never heard of a certain schedule myself). And, praise God, this facility had normal washrooms, one of the only perks at being media. I'm too used to Sonshine where there had been a media tent with scheduled interviews, so we didn't have to politely stand with all the other hundred fans and then ask the band to tell security that yes we weren't psycho and yes we could be trusted, so please let us behind the gates so we could get a radio splitter/liner that would take 1 minute. One of my band friends looked at me quizzically when I asked him to tell security to let me in, and the security guard 'joked', are you sure she's ok? This little dj from the little radio station certainly didn't have the pull that other outlets did, when I saw a large vehicle plastered with the other media logo pull up behind the stage... and I thought media wasn't allowed backstage access. Next time, I'll go as a girlfriend or photographer.

Many comments I heard were perhaps more of a variety, not of bands, but of stuff to do. Perhaps a second stage facing another direction with a heavy or lighter line up of bands (instead of random), or a bunch of speakers you could go check out, or even a stage for worship bands only. And one thing I did miss was to have someone on stage perhaps prayer every so often, or to have more of a 'faith' presence. Don't get me wrong, Tom Jackson was cool and witty as MC. But I guess at a Christian festival, I too want the Christian presence being more than just the bands. Although I wasn't there the whole time, for me, the only time when I heard anything mentioned that had to do with being a Christian, was in the end when organizer Mo Karouse, said have a good trip home and God Bless. Tickets for this event, will go on sale online next January.

Editor's Note: Since then the Little River Rockfest which operated Little River Faithfest has filed for Bankruptcy and the 2004 edition is in limbo.

Jake - Starfield Brighter Tour Review - Oct 3, 2002

2010-04-08T15:30:00.004-05:00

Starting on Thursday October 3rd, the Brighter tour, staring Jake and Starfield, hit Manitoba. The first spot they came to was Brandon, Manitoba and the Solid Ground Coffee House. It had been an old two storey sized church, decked out with hard wood floors and stained glass windows, but now had been turned into a coffee house where local bands could play. Early on the young teenaged fans lined up, along with parents. It turned out to be a well sized crowd of about 100, with enough room for everyone.

Starfield was the opening act, and featured many songs off of their brand new release CD Tumbling After. They have changed so much ever since they started on the scene 4 years ago. Their awesome stage presence is a given and they are always comfortable with the crowd. This tour was nicknamed the Mennonite tour because of the two Neufeld brothers (Tim and Jon) in Starfield, and the three Penner brothers (Toby, Josh, and Marty) in Jake. If you don't have their CD, please go pick it up or order it online at www.starfieldonline.com. Their second song on their CD, Filled with your Glory is quiet a powerful song, especially when performed in concert. Everything about his band shines. To close off all of their sets, they tell the story of how all of the guys up there on the stage (Mike on bass, and Adrian on drums) all have grown up in barber shop quartet families.. in fact Adrian's is touring Europe right now! They ended with a curious bang-on job of a barber quartet song, telling people how to support them and their merchandise.

In the middle of all three concerts, was the spot for World Vision. Both bands are sponsored by World Vision and Tim did an excellent job at explaining the wonderful mission of World Vision. Many people died in the 911 tradegy (3,000), and if you times that by anywhere from 7 to 10), then you have the amount of children that die of starvation each day. I was one of the lucky volunteers that got to help out at the World Vision table, helping people to sponsor kids for $31 a month, plus many were given a free Starfield and Jake CD for signing up! In total we had over 40 kids get sponsored.

After that came a music video came onto the wall, which was Jake's Army of Love (you can see it too on their interactive CD Army of Love). Those boys have sure improved from when I first saw them, almost two years ago at YE 2001 in Providence College. Their casual banter on the stage showed their growing ease and maturity with the crowd. One of the more hilarious spots, was when Zooks, the drummer, came onstage with a giant blue puppet on his head. He looked like someone from the Muppet Show. They played a multitude of songs both from their first and second album, as well as for the second concert in Steinbach, we all had a crazy time learning how to line dance with Marty. They also covered one of their favourite bands, Jimmy Eat World, with the song The Middle (featuring that crazy familiar intro). The Brandon crowd was given a special treat for the accoustic set, when Marty, Josh, and Zooks grabbed stools, while Toby sat on the ledge of the stage to give the adoring fans a more upclose and personal view of Jake. I'm surprised Toby was able to concentrate with all those camera flashes going off.

For the Steinbach shows at Steinbach Bible College, the first one on Friday October 4th was totally sold out with the capacity looking at about 500 people, while the Saturday show was around 250 people. From a fan's point of view, the Saturday show was much more enjoyable, with the "Jake Zone" (the area between the stage and the seats) being extremely less crowded, in fact the band had to call people up to the front of the stage. It was as if there was this large gap between the seats and the stage, sort of like the parting of the Red Sea. The show on Saturday had many extra songs, including the phenomenal "Beyond this Door" by Starfield, and included Jake pulling people on stage for some of their songs. At the end, all of the bands and crew got on stage and sang Edelweiss, from the musical Sound of Music, which brought back memories of us singing "The Hills Are Alive" on Thursday night while doing tear down and packing up. I just don't know what it is about Mennonites and the Sound of Music.. maybe we all came from Austria.

It will be interesting to find out what happens to both bands, as Jake cannot sell merchandise in the States, due to conflicts with their name, so touring there is not possible, if limited. Starfield on the other hand are more than on their way to becoming big, whatever that shall entitle... more tours, more labels that are interested in them, or perhaps a geographical move for them as well. All these guys were more than happy to stay after to sign autographs, ranging from posters, cds, tickets, a cast, and a various aray of hands and arms. Many hugs were given, as well as cameras were flashing non stop. Hopefully no matter what both bands decide to do, their fans will stick with them and ultimately stay faithful.

POD Weekend Warrior - May 1, 2001

2010-04-08T15:30:00.000-05:00

I first heard about the concert when Buzz Collins asked me to be POD's liaison. I was thinking, a what? The name sounded cool, but it still was a bit foggy. I didn't really know what I would be doing until I met them and the weekend started. Things got more into gear once I started delivering posters, putting them up in bus shacks (thanks Doug), and talking to more people about it. It was still weird at times for people to ask me.. "so are you going to the concert?" And I'd say "umm yeah, I'm their liaison".

Things started finally to roll into place on Wednesday the 4th. There was a big meeting at the Arena for all the people involved. It got me psyched up, and was quite fun, especially when I was stabbed in the hand, by Dan (undecided) with a pencil. All kidding aside, it was cool to see the dressing rooms and then asked by Ed (the Director of Faculty Operations for WEC) if I needed time to learn how to drive the 15 passenger van down the ramp.

At first I thought I'd be picking them up at the airport, and had visions of me carrying a sign that said "P.O.D." Then Buzz told me, that he would do it. Then the day of the pick up (Thursday), Buzz called back again to ask if I would come with him, so I could keep the van and drive it home with myself. We supposedly had many pick ups that night, only half were completed. We first were supposed to pick up their manager Tim, and assistant Judah, but their plane (in the air) had technical problems and had to be grounded in Chicago. So after a long dinner, Buzz and I picked up Dan their road manager. He was a really cool guy and asked us "So what's all in Winnipeg?" ... "Ummm... the mint?"

After that P.O.D. was scheduled to come in at 11.45 pm, so we waited... and waited.. and waited. This was when I finally got all excited. I was going to see *POD* soon! Finally Wuv (the dummer) came out, with mounds of baggage. He was happy to see Paul, but looked quite tired. He said the boys were given a rough time by customs. Next came Traa (bassist), Ryan (guitar tech), then Marcos, and finally Sonny (lead singer). But they all came out probably with an interval of at least 5 min between each other. It took Sonny the longest, and everyone seemed tired because of customs and the flight. I certainly didn't blame them. Out of all the countries they have been to, Winnipeg was the hardest to get into. They had their bags and guitars searched, the dogs sniff them, their credit cards swiped for drugs, and questioned thoroughly because they were "rock stars." And although one security/customs guy knew they were Christians, that most certainly didn't help at all. They were asked by one.. "Didn't you tour with Korn?" "Yes" "Isn't that a contradiction?" (sigh)

We were all introduced, and then took them all to Denny's, where everyone obviously ate. It was cool to sort of being let into their lives, with them talking about the bands and people they toured with, their families (they are all married, 3/4 have kids), and just watching them laugh and laugh over their private jokes. I sat at the end, with Wuv next to me and I swear I couldn't keep my eyes off of his tattoos! It hit me at about 1.30 am that here I was sitting in Denny's, with not another soul around in the restaurant, with POD. I knew I wouldn't get that chance again.

Finally we dropped them off, I dropped Buzz off, and finally dropped myself off at 2.30 am. I was supposed to pick Tim and Judah again at 10.55 am. I went to pick up Doug first which was an interesting feat. Since I had only driven the 15 passenger van (with the last seat taken out or else I'd need a class 4 license) at night with no one around. It's a big thing I tell you! But nice to be up high. I went to get Doug, only to be phoned by Dan that their flight had been delayed again till 1.45 pm. But to come pick Dan and Ryan up so they could take the banner to the arena. We went and did that and got our first taste of what the night was going to be like. The arena was so quiet and empty, but the huge stage was set up, along with The Edge Skatepark's ramps.

Now the banner that they brought was quite different. Some of the pictures I have of it, people look at it and are shocked, but really its cool. It's a picture of Jesus ascending to heaven with two angels. This massive banner (actually like a stage background) had been with the band when they were touring with Korn. Someone said they couldn't use it because of fire regulations. So Dan had the papers with him, but this person said that this was the UK and those didn't apply here, and to pass the test they'd have to let the fire marshal hold it under flame for 5 secs. While after the fire marshal came with his lighter cranked on high, and held it under 10 secs it passed the test. God is good!

We drove them back and decided to go to the airport, knowing we had to pick the band up at 2.15 to go to the arena. Dan made a sign for them "The Cook Family", and Doug and myself held it up when we picked them up. However, their plane was delayed till 1.50, and we didn't get them till 2.15. But no problem, we rushed to get the band, and drop them all off at the arena.

For the next couple of hours everything seemed a blur. I was tremendously thankful that I was one of the few to have an all access pass. That rocked! I got to go through all the dressing rooms, go on stage, go in the media room... it was all good. The press conference was first. Many different types of media showed up, with many different questions. Basically POD talked about their faith openly, how they get the most opposition from Christians, but how you can't please everyone. I'm still amazed at how easy it is for them to be so open about being Christian, in a secular environment, then I realized they have been doing this for 10 years. The fan conference was interesting. All the fans seemed quite shy and quiet. Although one loud fan started asking Marcos about his guitar riffs and how he (the fan) loved playing guitar while smoking up. I'm sure a tension went through the room, but not with POD. Marcos was cool about it, saying they had gone through all of that, and left it behind. He remembers recording stuff when he was high, then listening to it the next day and it sounded awful. You do play better when you're high on the holy spirit.

Then came the sound check, which was the best. I knew I'd never get that close to them during the real concert, so I took lots of pictures and stood directly in front of the stage. Then came the Undecided's sound check which was shorter than expected because POD took longer than the allotted time. Then when POD was being interviewed by Bradford from Much Music (wacky cool guy), I just bummed around, took pictures, and hung out in the dressing rooms. It was cool once everything started, with actual fans there. I only got to see a couple of acts because of being everywhere else and the other conferences.

Finally I got to take them back to the hotel, and then took Paul (Canadian agent) and Dan around to Staples, and Polo Park. Let me tell you, you've never had fun unless you can slide around Eatons in your shoes (thanks Dan!). Once all fun was done, and we had a rockin time at Radio Shack (really sometimes we do need to ask for assistance ;) I went back to the arena and walked around a bit more, taking pictures, watching Brad (Girls and Boys Productions) on stage DJing, and just hanging out. Finally I had to go get POD. I quickly drove back to the hotel, when I found only Marcos, Dan, and Steve were in the restaurant chilling. I'm thinking.. these guys have to be on soon! Everyone got their things together soon and we drove back to the arena. I dropped them off and parked quite speedily. I got out of the van and once I heard the familiar music of the Undecided (I think it was "Lifted" that I got back to), I broke into a mad dash. Everyone cleared the way, I cleared the stairs, and rushed to the side stage. What a weird experience, one I'll remember for awhile. I remember first meeting them 2 years ago this summer, and first seeing them in churches, churches, and more small churches. So to see them in the Winnipeg Arena with thousands of other fans was unbelievable. What was cooler was to see them on the jumbo-tron (or whatever its called). I truly think they did a fabulous job, but I was still psyched to see them on the big stage, and however know the arena has horrible acoustics.

Just after the Undecided finished, Doug came looking for me, telling me "they" were looking for me. I went back to the dressing room only to find out that Sonny and Marcos needed a ride back to the hotel (they were supposed to be on in 15 minutes.) So we ran to the van, bypassing 3 screaming fans "OH! Sonny! I love you!" and went to the hotel where the guys got their missing items. Then we raced back and the awesome guys got those 3 fans into the concert :)

When POD came onto the stage, wow is all I can say, they sure know how to rock. Most people could only take pictures of the first three songs, but Melanie gave me a Media pass (note: All Access sometimes doesn't mean that) and I got to continue my photo taking. They opened with Outkast and Sonny jumped into the mosh pit and sang. It was not the only time he did this :) He later did it for other songs, like Rock the Party and had the audience (or whoever was holding him up) to sing with him. Song and after song they rocked, hard. I love watching drummers, but finally found the best I've seen, Wuv (no offence Steve!). He was the coolest to watch. His arms and back are covered with tattoos, which is totally amazing, especially the one of JC. But what blew me away was his energy. I was surprised that the drums didn't fall apart. He'd just jump up out of his seat and come crashing back down with the sticks in hand, over and over. I have never seen a dummer move that much. Kuddos to Wuv, you rock dude!

After the cool performance (yes I do have the pre set list if any of you are wondering..) they chilled in the dressing room and changed. They had earlier announced an autographed session, which I did fear. I thought we'd be there for 4 hours or something. But a small crew of us waited, ate, and talked in their dressing room which was cool. I got to talk more with Bradford, Judah, Ryan, Dan, and Steve who are all characters. We even watched the Boogie Party on muchmoremusic. I also got to chat with Colin (Cough), and Leighton and Cliff (archrivals... nice to have you back)... want some pizza? Finally the guys came back (only an hour and a half autograph session), and Ryan asked if I wanted my picture taken with them. Now I had wanted this before the beginning of the day, but didn't want to seem all obsessed with them. So I got to pose with them, which is an interesting picture. I'm the only one smiling and the blond part of my hair is yellow because of the lights. That was the cool thing about POD, they were hilarious in private.. joking and laughing, but when they posed for picks, they had serious "rocker" looks. I even got to take a picture of their tattoos on their arms, very nice.

Finally off to bed for everyone.. so 10 of us went first, then Doug and I went back to pick up Steve and his assistant. Although we go to the hotel at a reasonable hour, around 1am or so, we talked and talked, till 2 am... (lipgloss = undecided). I dropped off Doug and rolled into bed at 2.30 am, again.

Next morning... err afternoon once everyone got up I picked up Doug, then picked up the whole entire gang.. all 12 of us were off to Polo Park! We all wandered around the large store for awhile. It was quite cool really. I do admit the guys didn't really look like you're average Winnipeger, maybe if they were on their own, but 5 large tattooed guys are quite the look, with 7 others of us mixing along. Some fans did recognize them, stopping them to say they had played a wonderful show or asking for autographs. I wondered when did they ever get used to this.. the pictures, the signatures etc. The only store we really spent time in was HMV, which although had posters about the concert, does not carry their CDs. We also noticed some fans following them around, getting the courage to ask for pictures of them, it was cool. I wondered if I hadn't been their driver etc, would I have been doing the same?

We also stopped in Sam the Record Man, and lost a lot of the posse around there. But after a couple of minutes, we all regrouped in order to go to a movie! Now who would have ever though I would go to a movie with POD? But really, in all seriousness they are just all normal people, having a cool job, that miss their family, and are stuck in the industrial part of town. The movie was good, I enjoyed it, it was a bit sad at the end, but really good. Then we took the guys back to the hotel, and everyone said goodbye. We then had to drop off Steve and his assistant at the airport to see if they could catch an earlier flight. Alas, they could not and we all went back to the hotel, to find out that POD wanted to go catch the PPV Fight. So we all said hello again to the freshly dressed guys and dropped them off and said good bye somewhere else so they could see the Fight. We then drove to Tom's house, picked up some Moose hockey tickets and dropped off the remaining guys at the arena again. Finally I dropped Doug off, and drove myself home. Man, was I beat!

I also felt a bit down, too. To have 3 days of excitement (sort of), and then boom.. all gone! So I checked over the van to make sure everything was cleaned out. Funny enough, a surprise waited for me, in the corner of one of the seats was Sonny's concert worn t-shirt. Wow! That was sure cool to find, no I didn't think about taking it. Come on now! I do have a conscience. I did take a picture of it, then put it back in the van. I dropped the van off for Buzz and he made sure that Sonny got his tshirt back (which he was thankful for), early the next morning.

All in all, of course I had a fabulous time. If I could get a career doing this I wouldn't think twice about saying yes to it. Thanks to everyone who helped out.. FREQ aka FROG FM(buzz, amber, tom) for offering me this, Doug for being my numbero uno side kick, Brad for driving me on Wednesday and everything else, the Undecided for rockin' so hard (really the camera can be your friend :), POD (and their personal crew... Dan, Ryan, Tim, Judah) for letting me into their lives, and whoever else I forgot, thank you.

Peter and the new bunny = new life

2010-04-05T10:48:00.001-05:00

This weekend was Good Friday > Easter Sunday. More and more, each time a 'religious' holiday rolls around, I'm struck by the thought that the government etc has this as a holiday. Apparently now, Canada is not a Christian nation, yet Canada still takes Christian holidays off. Explain that one to me.

Anyways, I digress. I was thinking about Peter (thanks to Matt Smallbone's post), was feeling around 2,000 years ago. The man whom he had lived and served with for three years, the Son of Man, Son of God, the one who did miracles, signs and wonders before his eyes, taught them over and over again.. this man had died on a cross. And worse, Peter denied that he was one of his followers. One of his friends. Jesus even looks right at him when he does it: Luke 22:61 "And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter recalled the Lord's words, how He had told him, Before the cock crows today, you will deny Me thrice.
62And he went out and wept bitterly [that is, with painfully moving grief]."
The pain, the sorrow, the loss, the confusion, the doubt. All there. Plus Peter had kept falling asleep the night before, when Jesus told him to keep watch. Then.. suddenly on the third day, the ladies (Mary Magdalene) ran back from the tomb, saying that he wasn't there anymore, that they had been told he had been raised up! What the heck!?
Only (the books of) Luke and John report that Peter comes running to see what is going on. In (the book of) John, it is John who beats Peter in a race to see who can get there first. (There is a lot of running going on!)
It's Peter who wanted to believe, who wanted to have hope, who wanted to believe this crazy story was.. well crazy. The one who denied was one of the very first to see Him. He became one of the leaders in the early Christian church and wrote 2 books. He even was crucified, like Jesus, but upside down, during the time of Nero.
Goodness. Think on that for awhile. Bad day? Fall asleep on the job? Think your actions or words totally made you look like an idiot not only before your friends but before Jesus? It's ok.. it definitely has happened before. Keep on going.. keep on believing.. and keep on running.

Bunnies
My family had bought a stuffed bunny that talked. He told of the real meaning of Easter, vaguely, with mentions of new chicks and white rabbits being symbols of new life. Uh-huh, I said.
Recently, I had to give a lot of my stuffed animals away and I've wanted to give them to special people. For me seeing them sit at Value Village, just wasn't what I had in mind. So yesterday I piled them all in the backseat of my car (like 10 bunnies), and drove them to a new home. It was a bit sad for me honestly, which I'm sure few can understand. But for me, seeing them in the backseat, sitting in a row and waiting, made me feel like I was finally saying goodbye to my childhood.
Upon delivery to their new home, my two friends helped unload them (they were very large and fluffy), and a neighbour happened to wander over. He stumbled a bit, covered in tattoos, and definitely needed a comb through his hair. I became hesitant, I couldn't really understand all that he said. My friends chatted with him, laughed, and offered a bunny. I was completely astounded. Seriously now, this wasn't a child!
One of the bunnies fell from their arms, and they said.. Hey why don't you have that one? I picked him up and dusted him off, and handed him over. Immediately the bunny was held and dare I say cuddled. The look on this guy's face stunned me. He was looking at the bunny, hugging him. It brought me back to my childhood, to any child whom I had watched hug and hold a stuffed animal. You were safe and comforted. And for some reason, this was the exact scene that I was watching unfold.
We later waved goodbye, and I was told he had Parkinson's. My friends had prayed for him before and often. My preconceived misconceptions had vanished. On the inside I was being changed. This man had walked away with his bunny, a symbol of new life. Indeed.

Getting Paid for what you are worth

2010-03-31T17:00:00.001-05:00

I recently saw this posted from a friend on facebook, an article entitled

Fair Payment for Speakers

My response, I realized, kept growing and growing.. so I blogged...

I was baffled at this article. I have freelanced for 10 years and had a radio show and worked with musicians for almost that same time as well. I've learned many lessons.

My first question is why anyone, such as speakers or freelancers or musicians, would not have a contract or agree to a certain amount. You are doing someone else a service. The whole trust thing shouldn't really have to enter into this conversation. I don't care whether you are Christian or not. I hate slapping that label onto anything. If you specifically want to 'bless' them and not charge them, then you will say so.

When I go to a restaurant or to a show, I know I'm paying X amount and usually will get X back. If my food is burned or a band doesn't show up, then yes I would perhaps ask for my money back.

Dare I enter into the musician world. I've only ever been on the side of hiring them and then taking care of them over the years. People laugh at price and contracts. I don't even bother to ask anymore. If they want $200, $2,000, or $20,000 then be ready to pay for it. Don't think you are the first person to ever pay this (high of an) amount. The article does talk about travel time etc. I know of many large companies who will count the hours traveled etc as working hours, including flying. So this isn't something new that a speaker has discovered, nor should they feel bad about charging for this.

Here are some unusual examples, but only make sense once you've learned why. Some ask for specific temperatures in a room, why? Because I have been in hockey change rooms where the band room is, not really the warmest. Some give specific food schedules per day and/or meal, why? Because many churches and youth groups think that feeding bands pizza is ok. However on the road or tour, pizza day after day isn't that great. Room service is expensive and they'd rather have a better option then fast food the entire travel time. (Read weeks of eating fast food/pizza). Some also have dietary concerns. When they ask for soup, don't roll your eyes. They could be fighting a stomach bug or a larger health concern, but know that they can't say 'no' to this tour. The snacking food for before or after is just that: anything you can find in a gas station, nothing that would really be healthy or fill you up before your 4AM flight. Laundry facilities may be requested, why? Because if this is a bus tour, they won't have time nor access to washers and dryers. If they ask for suitable seating or a relaxing area, its because many times I've seen the band room be the nursery or Sunday school classroom (tiny chairs). If they ask for a specific drink or type of food to be made, its usually to see if the hosts care enough.

If everyone realized that musicians (and speakers) are leaving their homes and families from anywhere for 1-4 days for you, just think of how their home would be like. How you do want to make them feel at home? What would you miss? It's not that they are sharing/speaking/performing for an hour. Including flight/travel time.. this is at least for a day. They are exhausted and have to be on their best behavior and will smile and nod when you offer your cousins new CD for them to listen.. and when you ask for their autograph and for their photo as they are in the van driving away to the airport so they can be on time to catch their flight.

All the musicians we've hired over the years have a contract and rider and/or manager to negotiate or discuss their needs. Just like a designer.. you should sign a contract with them and be specific. If you're not, then your client (even friend) may assume lots (fixes, adjustments, extra time etc). Or be paid in gift certificates (which I have had on more than one occasion when we weren't all on the same page).
You learn and adjust accordingly.

Some Christians don't get the 'you get what you pay for'.. or else think the 'I don't do it for money'.. is a good thing? I know I have bills, so that is why I charge for my (personal) work. It's not a humility or pride thing. If someone doesn't want to pay and agree to terms upfront, then they can't afford the work/quality etc.

You shouldn't feel bad about that no matter what field you are in.

If I had advice.. I would say YES you get what you pay for. So ask for due payment. Ask around and see how others in your field do it, considering experience etc. And PLEASE consider that designers should not be asked to copy someone's work.. that's called ILLEGAL. If you want a nice family photo or wedding photos, consider that a dinner usually doesn't equal the hours coming to your house, arranging everything for the photo, and then coming home and editing the photos. And.. the hidden which no one talks about. Experience. I have 10 years of experience in graphic design. This is why I charge the amount I do. Same with (wedding) photography. Think about this, if you are going to get all dressed up and spend $$$$ on your dress/tux and flowers etc, it would be awful if your photos turn out poorly because you decided to save money in this area. I've never known a couple who has regretted getting a pro (top dollar) photographer. I've known more who wished they could do it over, but they can't.

When I grow up, I want to be this creative

2010-03-03T10:00:00.002-06:00

I saw this video on D's wall today. I dream of being this creative, in a place that will let me. (I have no clue who this band is btw, never heard there songs. I just love the video). What follows it the original video, followed by the 4 making of videos.

Limited Edition People

2010-02-25T10:20:00.007-06:00

This post is with thanks from a post by Randy Bohlender.. he actually wrote about this today and had it in his title. It gave me a little jump start. His post is here.
As he describes it, this is to "Not the run of the mill peeps that you see daily, but those special, Limited Edition Peeps that you rarely actually see in the wild but know they exist because of the digital chaff they leave in their wake. It’s more than a facebook friend, yet someone who, if they showed up at your door, you’d be like “What the heck?” and then welcome them with open arms and laugh well into the night."

Drum roll please.

Well I'll start the list with South Africans because this morning the wonderful (I'd call him lovely but he's a guy and I don't use that adjective much for men) Brenton was on the radio. I nearly fell out of my chair in my car.. sharp intake of breath.. perhaps he'd be playing/worshiping/creating somewhere HERE?!?! Alas after a quick call, no.. some other gig. However it brought back the familiar feeling that I get when certain people are around. It brings you home, not to a physical place.. but somewhere else. It could be anywhere in the world, but you know you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

These Limited Edition people you can meet & greet world wide and your familiarity (and friendship) is the same as it was last year or two years ago or... however long. John, Daniel and perhaps Andy too.. for your open hearts and creativity and friendship, your honesty and openness and humility.. its rare my friends. Your South African humor must always stay!

To Rebecca and perhaps Vicky too.. the chance encounters, deep relationships with God, humility again, and having to be strong in an industry where few Christian guys would think to talk to you because you stand on stage with a Bible and guitar. Others will pretend to be anyone just to get close to you, to get something which you never asked for.. fame.

To Bill.. a dad to many. Father heart, willingness to pray and give to any and all at a moments notice. I've received from him many times, never asking once. He will treat you as the single most best person in the world no matter how many others are around. He is so smart, so much wisdom and knowledge in Him just waiting to pour out!

To Joel, Trevor, Steve.. your humility and humor over the years is a wonder. Many get hardened, many pick up pride without knowing it. Somehow you keep grounded, stay focused, love the ones that mainstream CCM won't touch.

How do you tell the story of the dead?

2010-01-15T08:58:00.004-06:00

I'm sure we've all heard of the words Haiti and earthquake together now.
What I'm stuck more with versus any other event/time in history is the photos. I take a special interest since I love photography and capture images and moments.
The thing that bothers me are the photos of the dead bodies. Yes in general scenes of death and destruction should be bothersome. Since it's not natural to take photos of dead people. And if you do, they are usually in caskets, well prepared to meet the gaze of the living.
As I photographer, how would I cover the story and the Haitians stories? I'm seeing dead bodies in the trunks of cars, piles of dead bodies like they are vegetables all piled up and mashed together. I see photos of bodies (unsure if they are dead or alive) underneath cement and crushed roofs. I'm still trying to understand what perspective that the storyteller is wishing me to have.

destruction.
death.
lack of life.

How would I bring dignity to these bodies that once were living? Even the people who are injured, especially the children. I too often, find that it is the children who are used for marketing and getting your money. Of course in a helpful way of course, as silly as that sounds. Your money will go to them, who are now, instead of dark brown, are dark dusty grey with shades of dark red blood. However I'm sure the photos are picked through as well, since we are only seeing photos of the dead or alive who look like they are either crying or have had a huge measure of scrapes. No missing limbs nor missing skin to be seen.

These images strikes me. Yes I have a soft spot for animals and even more so when they are trying to help us. Usually its the other way around, we take care of our cats and dogs (etc). And here is a photo of the dogs either on their way to find us (buried people still alive), or 'on the job' trying to find life.

There was the tsunami event where once again the world joined forces to help an under privileged nation that was hit by destructive natural forces. I can't remember lots of dead body photos there. The only other place where this sort of coverage could be last remembered would be from 9-11 in the US. Many American magazines put out special issues full of photos from the days and weeks that followed. One image, that was burned in my mind, was when someone took photos of the people jumping out of the windows, before the towers collapsed. Yes, they were falling towards their death on purpose. It was brought up on some news show that these images shouldn't be published. I still agree with that. Thinking of all the dead people in my life, I don't think I'd want any photos of them dead. Alive, sure. Dead, no. And I don't care how they died, I'd at least want some sort of dignity for whoever hand or foot I'm watching, and especially their family as well.

Planes trains and.. Day 1 - Florida

2010-01-04T17:07:00.003-06:00

Actually ixnay the trains... but it definitely was all about planes today.. here's a short recap on my journey thus far:

3am.. alarm goes off.. stumble over mostly packed luggage, into shower.. manage to dress and get everything together.. out the door by 3.30am
4am.. arrive at airport.. manage to drink some timmys and a croissant while waiting for Delta/NWA to open. Trying not to think of the 'please be at the airport 3 hours ahead of time'.
4.30am.. go through Delta/NWA ticket people, without them weighing our baggage, nor questioning my laptop bag.. to find... a CLOSED customs gate. Also realize my phone doesn't turn off hmmm...
4.40am... Customs open.. all is good.. no threat here... carry on to have a close and intimate search by the customs lady. I mentioned it was like an early morning massage (no comment). I was once again nearly the only one to carry something that wasn't a purse. Searched again, but they never said anything.
5am... finally get to my gate a full hour and a half early to find Mark (NWA) from SHOP there.. (incidentally he was all professional and business like.. no prob). I try to sleep... no.. no no.
Between 5.30 and 6.00.. we meet 2 CIBC friends.. (plus Mark from SHOP).. and Pastor Randy from Zion on his way to YWAM for 3 months! Oh Winnipeg, you are great.
6am.. boarding time... 6.30am departing...
then mash in a great flight.. touching down in Minneapolis to find the same -23C that we left. This is quite chilly when we deplane and walk through the attached tunnels/jetways.
8.50am we were supposed to board for Tampa.. Instead 4 elderly people each with their own wheelchair are loaded onto the plane. Let's make this clear. Their children could be classified as seniors into their 60s or 70s.
9.05am.. We were supposed to leave at this time, but the preboarding starts. Quickly an announcement is made to say there is a medical emergency.. everybody off! Everyone unboards and waits while the firetruck comes onto the tarmac, as well as the two police officers that board the plane and another NWA official. Soon an elderly man is carried off with 7 officials following.. paramedics, firemen, policemen and airport staff.
9.20am.. we re-preboard, board in the -23C tunnel brrrr... to find a 2year old having a party right behind me, as well as three others under the age of 5 infront of me
9.51am sit and wait on the tarmac.. and wait.. and wait. The pilot comes on.. 'Folks, I have bad news. Usually I only like to share good news, but this is important. The auxiliary battery that powers the engine isn't working. We can't start the engines to go back to the gate. We must wait to be towed back to the terminal and then wait for the mechanics."
9.56am I start to text to ask for prayer to get us going!
9.57am I hear a faint.. then loud engine noise. The pilot comes on.. 'Folks we tried something, and it worked. We are going to try it. The Minneapolis airport crew are happy to have us leave as well.' I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry... so I just continue to pray.
10am Leaving
12:49pm ARRIVED IN TAMPA... safe and sound... praise the Lord. I can wear one jacket.. it's ok, no snow or snow tires needed :)

what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

2010-01-02T23:57:00.003-06:00

So I stumbled upon a blog by one of our OT leaders.. and its catchy as I've just read most of his entries with these past few minutes. Partially a shame because they are meant to be deep and here I am speed reading. Go.. read.. think.. read slow.. slow down... Where the Light is by JMaeck.

In one of this first posts, the last thing he writes is:
and so my challenge to you is:
what is it that gives you life?
and
are you pursuing it?
ill leave you with a fantastic quote:
what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

The easy Christian answer is .. 'what gives me life'.. Jesus. 'Am I pursuing (Him)?' Yes. trying to blah blah blah.
And then I'm sure the next answer to the next question would be.. go save the world on a missions trip, feed the poor, the hungry, go build houses, go rescue the people who have no heros in their lives.. etc etc etc. And then go back to church/home and tell them about it.. '

And actually those answers aren't bad really, because I know many people who would either say that or who have done that. And Jesus is never a bad answer.

What gives me life? What gives me joy to keep going? Or is joy even a part of it? It should be, although sometimes I'm not joyous to go to work, to go to the radio show by myself at 10.30 at night, to pick up the phone, to pick up my guitar, to pick up my friend...

Jesus is still my answer, although I realize I've been leaving out the Holy Spirit and God from a lot of it. I'll spare you the explanation of the Trinity, however all three are quite different yet the same :) It would be like looking at my mom.. as a mom, daughter, then person at work. Three different roles, yet the same person. I've left out, unknowingly, a lot about the Holy Spirit and Father God for the past 10 plus years. Getting to know God personally seems wierd. Aren't I supposed to do that with Jesus? That's what all the Jesus 'tracks' say.

Yet even if I had the perfect job with the perfect people, was married, had beautiful kids, a warm house, a car and guitar that was sweet, and family that loved me and called... still I would be wanting more. I never want to take that for granted. Especially as I look over at my warm heater, my lights that are still on at 12:12:12 AM (yes a bit wierd hour/min/seconds), in my cozy bed.

Pursuing everyone in the Trinity (I haven't even mention the Holy Spirit who is just as important at pursuing!) I wish was easy. Ha ha, but if it was easy, then everyone would have found them and all would be right with the world (No I'm not going to go into Theology). It's hard during your bad days, when you want out SO bad, but you know it would be worse. When there are no right reasons, when people can't please you and you can't please people, when you feel useless and drained, when you are alone and lonely, when you can't get the right answers in prayer and then you hear the world is going to end but you've got eternal life (seriously wrap your head around that), and when you see death before your eyes like a vaccuum.. you know.. life is so big. Father God is so big.

What would I attempt to do if I know I couldn't fail... but would it mean as much? Playing guitar for me has been an uphill journey.. or battle depending on the day. As much as I love and dream about it, the actual act of doing it.. hard.. very hard. It's like learning how to drive a car for small stints of time over the years. And the awful p word.. Practice. Yet I know if I could just one day pick up the guitar and become MGC.. would it taste as sweet? It'd be cool.. oh boy! But the journey .. well there wouldn't even be one!

Would I climb mountains? Would I fly planes? Would I take photos, play guitars, and tour with my musicians? Would I go back and talk to people and say things I should have said.. 'you were mean, I was mean, I'm better than the way you treat me, I treated you awfully'...

Maybe I'd just try to love people.. love the junk off.
Love never fails. (Charity never failth, love has no end, love never dies, love will last forever).

It's beginning to look a lot like..

2009-12-25T23:57:00.003-06:00

Christmas.. yes.. I laughed at this.. typical for when storms blow through our province...

Finding Him in expected places in unexpected ways

2009-12-22T13:05:00.002-06:00

I love my cozy prayer room at work. Lately people have been drawing and writing, leaving notes for one another. After seeing the south side prayer room, I wanted this side to be just as personal.

I sat down to flip through the Bible to help someone who was feeling alone. I realized I was trying to categorize God, split him up into different chapters, as well as two different volumes (old God and new God (testament)). Why does it seem like in psalms that the writer is talking to me, ministering to me personally about God. This is what I wanted to do for the people in the prayer room. Yet I could immediately fire off 10 things of 'who we are in christ' from the new testament. This definitely did not speak to my heart at the moment.

Somehow, thankfully, I came across Psalm 145. Much underlining was done in this chapter from the owner of the bible.
And so my heart rested. I felt like someone was personally speaking to me about God.

The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.
The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time.
You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him...

"This lady is a musician"

2009-12-18T23:37:00.004-06:00

One of my favourite quotes from Sherlock Holmes:

(taken from Another Old Movie blog) In the Sherlock Holmes story “The Solitary Cyclist”, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle has Holmes appraise a woman’s hands, noting that she is either a typist or a pianist, "I nearly fell into the error of supposing that you were typewriting. Of course, it is obvious that it is music. You observe the spatulate finger-ends, Watson, which is common to both professions? There is a spirituality about the face, however" -- she gently turned it towards the light -- "which the typewriter does not generate. This lady is a musician."

Check it out at 3.47

An update on Nienie

2009-12-14T11:03:00.003-06:00

Stephanie Nielson's story is completed in chapters 5-10. Once again I'm trying to balance being blessed, praying for others, not getting too attached to them and their lives, focusing on my life and...? I'm in awe at skin.. seriously one of the most beautiful creations the Lord dreamed up.

For a bit of a wakeup call, Stephanie and her family's story continues:

The children Visit

Coming Home

A familiar voice

A new promise

Heavenly Fire

Perspective and Peace

"Wear the Pants" Dockers Campaign

2009-12-10T16:15:00.005-06:00

Alot of people will not understand this ad by Dockers. (text is below)

Because in todays day and age the right to self is highly promoted. When females started wearing power suits (which connotes authority, strength, and leadership), when men started wearing makeup and getting manicures & facials (hello metrosexual), and adolescence goes until you are 30 (Peter Pan Syndrome) ... the traditional roles of men vs women.. even the traditional roles of children, teenagers, adults, & elderly, have drastically changed.
Gone is helping elderly people (in general) and going to them for wisdom. Gone are skirts and dresses and femininity at large. Gone are the typical office attire of suits and jackets and ties and blazers and vests. Both are seen as too dressy. Soon introduced was office casual.. then just.. casual?

I often say, the easiest way for a lady to dress and act like a lady, is around a gentleman. The roles are clearly defined; they know who would literally wear the pants in the family or have the brawn; who would cook, clean and be the pretty one. Now yes yes.. of course you can share! You both can be amazingly smart, strong, mechanically inclined, culinary inclined etc. But it is so nice when a door is opened, a kind word is said and actions are adjusted to the present company (whether you be elderly, female, or male). Females are adjusting to doing everything themselves, men too.. and roles are not only being exchanged but now blurring.

Gone are days of old:

Once upon a time, men wore the pants, and wore them well. Women rarely had to open doors and little old ladies never crossed the street alone. Men took charge because that’s what they did. But somewhere along the way, the world decided it no longer needed men. Disco by disco, latte by foamy non-fat latte, men were stripped of their khakis and left stranded on the road between boyhood and androgyny. But today, there are questions our genderless society has no answers for. The world sits idly by as cities crumble, children misbehave and those little old ladies remain on one side of the street. For the first time since bad guys, we need heroes. We need grown-ups. We need men to put down the plastic fork, step away from the salad bar and untie the world from the tracks of complacency. It’s time to get your hands diry. It’s time to answer the call of manhood. It’s time to WEAR THE PANTS.

And in all your getting, get.. fun!

2009-12-10T16:07:00.003-06:00

Yes I know the original is from Proverbs 4: 5-7

5 Get wisdom! Get understanding!
Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth.
6 Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you;
Love her, and she will keep you.
7 Wisdom is the principal thing;
Therefore get wisdom.
And in all your getting, get understanding.

Today (finally) I had fun (laughing.. joking.. smiling). I felt like I really connected with people. The weight was lifted off. I somehow was me again. Thanks to the quick moments and gingerbread with these guys.. they take care of all the OT kiddies for 2 semesters. Somehow their nomadic, adventure life is quite appealing right now.

Bday present.. to be thankful

2009-12-07T21:30:00.003-06:00

Part 2 of my NieNie post (about Stephanie Nielson and her family).. here she is (with her family) on my birthday.. on the Today show!! They ask her the usual questions, that if you read the article you will know, but its nice to see her and her family. I'm just amazed at her body.. how even though she was near death, nearly burned alive to death.. her body is still functioning.. ... healing and repairing itself.. praise the Lord.. He is the healer over and over and over again.

Next time you wonder how it feels.. try lighting your skin on fire.. multiply that by 85% over your body.. through many layers of your skin.. to the bone and muscle. And here she is today...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/34125485#34125485

What I take for granted

2009-12-07T09:39:00.002-06:00

Perfect skin in the same colour and hue, birthmarks, tiny hairs on my arms, healthy body, healthy hair growing, no pain when I move or breathe, no open wounds, looking basically the same how I did over the past 30 years, no scar tissue, no medical bills in the millions of dollars...
once again reminded how blessed I am. If you love to pray, pray for the Neilson family, for healing and restoration for them physically, mentally, emotionally.
Once again.. here they are.. in pictures, words and stories.

Stephanie Nielson: Plane crash survivor regains hope

Chapter 1: The crash

Chapter 2: Surgeries and Prayers

Chapter 3: She wakes

Chapter 4: In the Mirror

Stephanie Nielson struggles to become a mother again

The Sea Lion

2009-11-18T12:16:00.003-06:00

This is a repost from my myspace blog, ages ago... Aug 12/05. Makes me cry every single time I read it. I know some who are trying to find their way out there, feel like they are lost, that people don't get them. Trying to hide their heart or harden it in order to protect it even more. Have faith, save hope.. continue on the journey however long and lonely it might be.
Jeremiah 29:11-14
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

A paraphrase of the Sea Lion story from John Eldredge's book, "The Journey of Desire"

Once upon a time there lived a sea lion who had lost the sea. He lived in a country known as the barren lands. High on a plateau, far from any coast, it was a place so dry and dusty that it could only be called a desert. A kind of coarse grass grew in patches here and there, and a few trees were scattered across the horizon. But mostly, it was dust. And somtimes wind, which together makes one very thirsty. Of course, it must seem strange to you that such a beautiful creature should wind up in a desert at all. He was, mind you, a sea lion. But things like this do happen.

How the sea lion came to the barren lands, no one could remember. It all seemed so very long ago. So long, in fact, it appeared as though he had always been there. Not that he belonged in such an arid place. How could that be? He was, after all, a sea lion. But as you know, once you have lived so long in a certain spot, no matter how odd, you come to think of it as home.

There was a time, many years back, when the sea lion knew he was lost. In those days, he would stop every traveler he met to see if he might help him find his way back to the sea. But no one seemed to know the way.

On he searched, but never finding. After years without success, the sea lion took refuge beneath a solitary tree beside a very small water hole. The tree provided refuge from the burning rays of the sun, which was very fierce in that place. And the water hole, though small and muddy, was wet, in its own way. Here he settled down and got on as best he could.

Had you journeyed in those days through the barren lands, you might have seen the sea lion for yourself. Quite often in the evening, he would go and sit upon his favorite rock, a very large boulder, which lifted him off the burning sand and allowed him a view of the entire country.

There he would remain for hours into the night, silhouetted against the sky. And on the best nights, when the wind shifted to the east, a faint smell of salt air would come to him on the breeze. Then he would close his eyes and imagine himself once more at the sea. When he lay himself down to sleep, he would dream of a vast, deep ocean. Twisting and turning, diving and twirling, he would swim and swim and swim. When he woke, he thought he heard the sound of the breakers.

The sea was calling to him.

The sea lion loved his rock, and he even loved waiting night after night for the sea breezes that might come. Especially he loved the dreams those memories would stir. But as you well know,even the best of dreams cannot go on, and in the morning when the sea lion woke, he was still in the barren lands. Somtimes he would close his eyes and try to fall back asleep. It never seemed to work, for the sun was always very bright.

Eventually, it became too much for him to bear. He began to visit his rock only on occasion. "I have too much to do," he told himself. "I cannot waste my time just idling about." He really did not have so much to do. The truth of it was, waking so far from home was such a disappointment, he did not want to have those wonderful dreams anymore. The day finally came when he stopped going to his rock altogether, and he no longer lifted his nose to the wind when the sea breezes blew.

The sea lion was not entirely alone in those parts. For it was here he met the tortoise. Now this tortoise was an ancient creature, so weathered by his life in the barren lands that at first, the sea lion mistook him for a rock. He told the tortoise of his plight, hoping that this wise one might be able to help him. "Perhaps," the tortoise mused, "this is the sea." His eyes appeared to be shut against the bright sun, but he was watching the sea lion very closely. The sea lion swept his flippers once against his side, gliding to the end of the water hole and back. "I don't know," he said. "It isn't very deep."

"Isnt it?"

"Somehow I thought the sea would be broader, deeper. At least, I hoped so."

"You must learn to be happy here," the tortoise told him one day. "For it is unlikely you shall ever find this sea of yours." Deep in his old and shriveled heart, the tortoise envied the sea lion and his sea.

"But I belong to the sea. We are made for each other."

"Perhaps. But you have been gone so long now, the sea has probably forgotten you."

This thought had never occurred to the sea lion. But it was true, he had been gone for a long, long time.

"If this is not my home, how can I ever feel at home here?" the sea lion asked.

"You will, in time." The tortoise appeared to be squinting, his eyes a thin slit. " I have seen the sea, and it is no better than what you have found here."

"You have seen the sea!"

"Yes. Come closer," whispered the tortoise, "and I will tell you a secret. I am not a tortoise. I am a sea turtle. But I left the sea of my own accord, many years ago, in search of better things. If you stay with me, I will tell you stories of my adventures."

The stories of the ancient tortoise were enchanting and soon cast their spell upon the sea lion. As weeks passed into months, his memory of the sea faded.

" The desert," whispered the tortoise, "is all that is, or was, or ever will be."

When the sun grew fierce and burned his skin, the sea lion would hide in the shade of the tree, listening to the tales woven by the tortoise. When the dry winds cracked his flippers and filled his eyes with dust, the sea lion would retreat to the water hole. And so the sea lion remained, living his days between the water hole and the tree. The sea no longer filled his dreams.

It was in May that the winds began to blow. The sea lion had grown used to the wind, and at first he did not pay much heed at all. Years of desert life had taught him to turn his back in the direction from which the wind came and cover his eyes with his flippers, so that the dust would not get in. Eventually the winds would always pass.

But not this time. Day and night it came, howling across the barren lands. There was nothing to stop its fury, nothing to even slow it down. For forty days and forty nights the wind blew. And then, just as suddenly as it had begun, it stopped. The sea lion lifted himself to have a look around. He could hardly believe his eyes.

Every single leaf had been stripped from his tree. The branches that remained, with only a twig or two upon them, looked like an old scarecrow. And I do not need to tell you that there was no longer any shade in which to hide. But worse than this, much worse indeed, was what the sea lion saw next. The water hole was completely dry.

Three weeks after the wind had ceased to blow, the sea lion had a dream. Now, as I told you before, there were other nights in which he had dreamed of the sea. But those were long ago and nearly forgotten. Even still, the ocean that filled his dreams this night was so beautiful and clear, so vast and deep, it was as if he were seeing it for the very first time. The sunlight glittered on its surface, and as he dived, the waters all around him shone like an emerald. If he swam quite deep, it turned to jade, cool and dark and mysterious. But he was never frightened, not at all. For I must tell you that in all his dreams of the sea, he had never before found himself in the company of other sea lions. This night there were many, round about him, diving and turning, spinning and twirling. They were playing.

Oh, how he hated to wake from that wonderful dream. The tears running down his face were the first wet thing he had felt in three weeks. But he did not pause even to wipe them away, he did not pause, in fact, for anything at all. He set his face to the east, and he began to walk as best a sea lion can.

"Where are you going?" asked the tortoise.

"I am going to find the sea."

What to get a designer for Christmas

2009-11-18T10:55:00.006-06:00

We're creative.. we're consciese.. we think in pictures, in images and in fonts. We shake our head at the use of Comic Sans (or want to set things on fire), know that there is a difference between Arial and Helvetica.. don't like explaining CMYK vs RGB vs HEX vs Pantone (Spot) colours.. and always need inspiration.
So Merry Christmas (in a month and a bit).. and happy birthday Jesus.. is the reason.
Here you go.. go shop and have fun:

1) The I'll Use Arial when Helvetica Freezes Over wallet

2)How fun can tshirts be? Anatomy of the Letter A

3)I like stickers and all things British.. this is just plain fun

4)A Custom Hoodie - Rising Sun.. like the one I gave away in Newcastle..

5)Math + fonts = makes life easier

6) Helvetica coffee mug.. very funny

7) Nooka Zub Zot Watch.. yes its English, sort of

Seventh International Student Volunteer Movement for Foreign Missions - Kansas City Dec 31, 1913 - Jan 4 1914

2009-11-14T17:05:00.010-06:00

With everything happening in IHOP and at SHOP and everywhere else.. when I stumbled upon this I got quite excited. I don't even know why.. but it was very cool! I was in Aqua books, hunting for old books of course, and then I saw one on the Kansas City/World-Wide Prayer Movement. One of the starting addresses is titled, "Intercessors-The Primary Need' by John R Mott (who won the the Nobel Peace Prize in 1946).
Anyways, the following is from there:

Nancy Drew becomes a Bone Specialist

2009-11-14T16:12:00.003-06:00

I collect Nancy Drew books, amongst other things. As of late, this is the funniest I have read so far. I have two editions, the first from 1933, and then the re-release from 1989. Interesting to note, Nancy was added to and rewritten in the second editions. My edition that I have from Grosset & Dunlap Publishers take out Helen and put in Bess & George. So this passage looks completely different. In the revised one, George is the one who falls and injures her ankle, and Bess & Nancy leave her there!

Here is the 1933 version.

Password to Larkspur Lane - 1933
"She (Helen) side-stepped, then fell to the ground, her hands pressed to her mouth to throttle a scream of pain and terror.
"Helen what happened?" Nancy whispered excitedly, turning back to her chum.
... "I stepped into a hole, and I think—I think my ankle is sprained," Helen said, her face white.
Nancy's heart sank. If either of them should become helplessly injured, detection would certainly follow.
She knelt beside her companion, and with expert fingers felt the injured angle, wishing that Dr. Spires might be with them now. A decided lump appeared on Helen's instep, and the girl winced when Nancy touched it.
"Lie back and I'll take off your shoe and stocking," Nancy directed under her breath, striving to be as businesslike as the bone specialist. She quickly bared Helen's foot, and probed around the injury again.
"Nothing broken," she announced. "In my opinion it isn't even a sprain. Probably you danced so much last night that you stretched a ligament which has jumped out of place. I think I can fix it. It is going to hurt, Helen, but after the first jolt I am sure the pain will go."
Nancy took Helen's heel firmly in one hand and her toes in the other. Then she bent the girl's foot as if striving to make toes and heel touch. A moan escaped Helen's lips, and a pang of pity went through Nancy at the thought of the pain to which she was subjecting her friend. Resolutely, however, she continued with her operation.
The foot bent until the straining tendons showed under the delicate skin. Nancy suddenly wrenched the fore part abruptly to the left and right. With a tiny audible snap the misplaced tendon jumped into place, and the girl released her hold on Helen's foot.
"That—that feels better," Helen said, sitting up and rubbing her injured member. "I didn't know you had added doctoring to your other accomplishments, though. Is there anything you don't know something about, Nancy?"
"Why, this is simple first aid I learned at camp when I was a child," Nancy replied. "I had the same thing happen to me once, so I got a first-hand demonstration of the remedy. Try standing on the foot."
Helen did so, and reported that, expect for "a queer sort of rubbing feeling,"she experienced no bad sensation."

His Glory Appears

2009-11-09T22:23:00.002-06:00

I wish I knew why songs made me cry. It's not because they are written by Brooke, or because they are in the key of D. But this one did. One of those songs where you first hear it, it hits you and stays with you. On this little night.. this one helps the most:

His Glory Appears

INTRO:
Bm, F#m
G, D

VERSE:
D Bm
You gave me hope
F#m
You made me whole
G D
At the cross
D Bm
You took my place
F#m
You showed me grace
G A D
At the cross where You died for me

CHORUS:
G D
And His glory appears
A Bm
Like the light from the sun
G D A
Age to age He shines
G D
Look to the skies
Em Bm
Hear the angels cry
A G
Singing Holy is the Lord

BRIDGE:
D, Em, Bm, G
(2X)

END:
D

A million miles in a thousand years

2009-11-02T21:46:00.007-06:00

I had a very long and good day yesterday. I was with three friends and that time was very good together. I spent time reading a book, staring at the leaves of a tree overhead, on a couch in a very cozy room. We then all transferred to Sanctuary... kept reading.. just kept at it. Many thoughts.. must share.. pour them all out.
Book: A million Miles in a thousand years (by Donald Miller, yes the Blue Like Jazz guy)

He writes about risk.. he writes about bonding.. he writes about overcoming challenges.. that's what makes someone a conquorer.. a hero.. someone worth fighting for. But more than that.. the questions in my mind were, who have you risked your life with? who have you risked your life for? .. you bond when you risk your life together...

Immediately my Sanctuary (SHOP) gang popped into my head. Not that we were necessarily risking our lives in what the day to day physical world looked like. We were definitely giving our lives in the spiritual world.. and then yes perhaps the physical.. the hours, the words, the songs, the emotions.. pouring out really. Are we risking our lives? Perhaps a better question would be, would we be risking our spiritual life and livelihood.. if we didn't.

My good friend Janelle talked about righteousness that morning. A close favourite of mine, because of Righteous Radio. God is just, God is truth, God is righteousness.. holiness.. sanctification. God lived here on Earth with us. Jesus was fully man and fully God. What does that look like? What does a life of sanctification and prayer look like? A devoted life? A poured out life? Where do you spend your hours and minutes and days?

Don writes, 'Much of our lives are spent avoiding conflict'. Yes, it's true. In this busy life.. when we are trying so desperately not to be busy, we then want to just avoid conflict at all costs, in order to survive. To make it out on the other side. No waves for my little boat, don't you see I just paddled 20 miles?

Yet it's this conflict that grows us, stretches us and bonds us. It is the similar experiences that bond us together. It's not about me, singular. Don wrote about a team losing, yes losing, a championship, and winning it a year later. Yet when the movie was written and filmed, they did it about the year they lost. Why? Because that year, they tried harder, they overcame more. 'It wasn't necessary to win for the story to be great, it was only necessary to sacrifice everything.'

Boom.. that hit me. I'm sacrificing what the nominal chrisitan church life looks like. The easy road, the wide road. I'm going on the road that seems to be much longer and higher.. harder to get at.. to get through. I look around and always see the few familiar faces. Others pass by saying.. I'll meet you at the top. Don talks about a journey on the Inca Trail. The guide, on purpose, takes them the hard way, the long way. Not the short way, and not by bus or train. Why? Because you will enjoy the journey more. You will sweat and ache.. but once you get there.. it will be so much more sweeter.

We are bonded in the journey we are taking. Bonded in the ups and downs.

What are the memorable scenes of your life? How can you create a memorable life? For me, when Don was writing, especially about the lake/nature/etc, it brought back so many memories. It connected me immediately to certain places and people. I remember the last time my family was all at the lake, I remember that night, I remember the temperature. I remember how we laughed and threw rocks off the dock. I remember the way the sunset looked on our faces. Somewhere I knew it would be the last time there, the last time since we were all together.

I remember driving back from one of our retreats, probably in 2000 or so. We had just gone to Rock Lake Camp just by Crystal City. We were driving back through the hills and valleys in Geralds old white Rabbit, the one with a Pepsi logo on it. Beki and Melissa and I were scrunched in the back, and Ben and G were up front. And I remember Beki tearing up and I asked what was wrong, and she said, I'm with my best friends in the whole world, I'm so happy. And yet in the moment, we knew it wouldn't happen again like this. We had just had a Holy Spirit Weekend Retreat. Saw people's lives changed, had our own lives changed. But we had to move on.

I remember sitting with Chris on the beach on some Scottish Island. We had paddled till my arms almost fell off, and I had visions of Jesus walking on the water. Finally, after seeing wallabies jump around in thick moss covered hills, we camped. No technology, no wild animals. Good food that filled. The stars above. The sand beneath. And quiet. We shared nature and shared the quiet. I remember sharing the loudness of 80,000 British fans with Maryn, twice.

I remember the last time I hugged my Dad and the last time I saw him. I can't ever remember the first time I met any of my best friends now, at any point. I remember all the times at the Lake when one of us severely injured ourselves, even though I was under 10. I remember all the times I have played Rock Band with my cousins. I remember the first time I saw my Kitty who was 2 months old, and I remember putting her to sleep at the vets office like it was yesterday. She was 19 and I felt like crying forever at ending a life.

I remember praying with Beki and Dan. I remember praying with Pamela and Jaylene. I remember going under with Brad in the Lake.

I remember driving Chris to the LA airport with Danielle at like 5am .. we nearly missed a van on fire (flames shooting out of the hood).. and we didn't even blink an eye, we needed to find our exit, which we almost missed. I remember the first time I sat down at IHOP (front row) with Janelle, right as Jordan placed his massive peddle board inches away from me. Ohhh boy! Hello Electric Guitarist in the Prayer Room!

I remember the first time I learned to drive. My Uncle Mark plopped me in the Tempo and we sped along the lake roads at 30 km/hr. Nathan and Matt passed us.. I nearly passed out. I don't remember the first time I crashed a motorcycle. I do remember the first time I got on my own motorcycle and road from Beasejour to Winnipeg, never had ridden a sportsbike before.

And for all of this and more I think, it's not about the destination. It's about the journey. Janelle asked me what I wanted to get from God on Sunday. I said.. well.. really I want to know the end, I want to know how long I work here, when I can start my next big thing, and what is going to happen and when. And of course I know it won't happen. I won't get told it, because it will spoil the journey. If someone had told me that at the KC Conference, you will roll around in the pews with your fellow SHOPers, and pray and pray till you feel like there is nothing left.. then pray some more... and pray into people.. and people pray you literally into the floor.. it wouldn't have meant anything to me. It was the journey that got me there.

And on this last (final!) note.. Don talked about a family he knew having a parade. How on one boring New Years Day, they decided to gather the neighbourhood and have a parade, with a BBQ at the end. But, no one could be an onlooker and just watch. You either had to participate or stay indoors. Well 10 years later, this thing is huge! Everyone dresses up... has fun.. gathers on the street.. and is IN the parade. This brought a brief flash of the church for me. I've been to many places where I've watched the parade.. big.. small.. some very flashy.. some were almost apologizing for putting on the parade. But if you aren't in it.. why bother? You forget the reason.. you become disillusioned. You grow stiff and tired. You go home. And don't bother coming out or even looking at the parade, much less wanting to be in it.

Please come back. Come back and come fight with me. Fight for your life. Forget the mundane, the boring, the striving, the busyness. Risk everything and just come back.

Images from the Prayer Room

2009-10-29T09:40:00.002-05:00

The Divine Romance in the Prayer Room

2009-10-29T09:17:00.004-05:00

I was trying to hunt down our South Campus prayer room.. and found a wall of prayers.. this was from a student.. quoting Gene Edwards' The Divine Romance

2 years and a day

2009-10-26T13:07:00.003-05:00

Two years ago I was in such a different place.

It was onething07 in Winnipeg.. my first 'real' introduction to what IHOP was. It was a necessary down-time meets cleansing time. I was working in another environment that caused me to build up a shell as a means of survival. That weekend was a softening of the heart. I remember crying and crying, breaking the shell that I had created in trying to protect myself. I remember seeing Marcus and Tim for the first time and the physical set up of the musicians and singers from IHOP. Something that was so new and different is now quite common and custom for me now. Traditional worship setup, as I used to know, is now quite foreign. I am now not used to performers or songs about myself.

Wes blogs about it here: First time to Canada…, Day 2 of Onething Winnipeg…, Off to Calgary, CA…

A month later was the first Kingdom Come conference at CT with Trev. I had the honour of hosting (or being honoured by) Kevin Thompson. Janelle also hosted with me. She got Todd Bentley. We both bonded, in being from the Link, being Mennonite girls in a Holy Spirit environment, and from our new interest in SHOP (Sanctuary House of Prayer).

I still remember going to the Keg, hanging out with Michael Larson and crew (Monty, Ben, Jason and co.), staring at Todd's tattoos on his neck, and talking about the (infamous) 2nd floor of the Hotel Fort Gary, where they were staying. This also could have been one of the first times I hung out with Barney (Dave Barnum). I remember driving to the Stars nearby and bumping into the band and driving them back.. talking about Winnipeg in an affectionate light. I remember wearing my new pointy shoes and slipping on the pavement, Kev and Brian were my catchers.. seriously! :)

It feels like forever ago. I'm working in another environment, my continuous Bible study from 1999, which took a 2 year hiatus, will hopefully be back again just around the corner. The old question of.. 'so which church are you at now?'.. was hopefully answered a bit more corporately as a result from Saturday's unexpected stage time. Yes the SHOPers are my church family now. A family that keeps growing and growing. Yes... the loud snap-crackle-pop crazies in the back pews who have been praying since Thursday night for you.. yes that's me.

And Happy 6th Birthday mom! She met Jesus.. seriously.. really.. for the first time.. 6 years ago.

Streetlight

2009-10-24T23:45:00.001-05:00

Phil Danyew - Streetlight myspace.com/phildanyew (Love the Canucks)

I saw a Love, deeper than the Pacific,
I saw a Love, burning brighter than a million stars,
In a single Light,
You make alive,
Anyone who feels that You bring to mind,
Everything that’s beautiful in this life,
I find who I wanna be inside Your eyes,
Inside Your mind,
Yea, I need Your life
‘Cause I’m living just to love You, and…

I saw, You glowing like a streetlight and,
I fell, in love just tryin’ to understand
Why You loved me first.
Your heart, is all I ever want to know,
And I’ll go, anywhere You want to go,
You’re shining bright.
You’re my streetlight.

Am I out of control?
Or do I have a vision to change the world?
Am I looking for means to pave the way,
For brighter days?
‘Cause your love has changed the way it used to be.
‘Cause it used to be
I couldn’t see 5 feet in front of me,
Fighting to breathe on the heavy seas of incomplete
And tired dreams,
‘Til You finally took me over, and…

I saw, You glowing like a streetlight and,
I fell, in love just tryin’ to understand
Why You loved me first.
Your heart, is all I ever want to know
And I’ll go, anywhere You want to go,
You’re shining bright.
You’re my streetlight.

I can see the stars,
The clouds are gone
The weather’s at our fingertips.
I’ll be waiting for,
Waiting for You.
Take me where You want
I’ll go!

I saw, You glowing like a streetlight and,
I fell, in love just tryin’ to understand
Why you loved me first.
Your heart is all I ever want to know,
And I’ll go, anywhere you want to go,
You’re shining bright.
You’re my streetlight.

the Master, positve/negative goodness, Greek Lit and musicians!

2009-10-11T11:39:00.004-05:00

I read this and was awestruck of how two lives, passing the same thing, can be touched so differently. Since it also touched on Greek Lit, I loved it too!

"The safety of the Master in the presence of temptation lay in his complete and positive devotion to his mission: there was no unoccupied room in his soul where evil could find a home; he knew what Dr. Chalmers called, "The expulsive power of a new affection."
When Ulysses passed the Isle of Sirens, he had himself tied to the mast and had his ears stopped with wax, that he might not hear the sirens singing—a picture of many a man's pitiful attempts after negative goodness. But when Orpheus passed the Isle of Sirens, he sat on the deck, indifferent, for he too was a musician and could make melody so much more beautiful than the sirens, that their alluring songs were to him discords.
Such is the Master's life of positive goodness, so full, so glad, so triumphant, that it is conquered sin by surpassing it. Have you such a saving positiveness of loyal devotion in your life?"

From the Manhood of the Master by Harry Emerson Fosdick

dear nienie

2009-10-08T09:08:00.004-05:00

Nienie.. was on Oprah. She talks about it here:

Oprah talks about it here:

There is a video here:

To me Stephanie finally becomes a real person. I've read her blogs from cyber space since mid-August. Video is completely different of course.

The interviewer says the clincher.. you were so beautiful. What she should have said is.. to the worlds eyes you were beautiful.. (because basically now you don't look like the worlds pretty ladies on the outside). You are beautiful even though you look different.

Does it sound stupid to keep saying you are beautiful.. coming from a stranger? I think she values that coming from her kids and husband more. I'm just a curious stranger who wishes she could help.

Last Sunday in the prayer room, I don't even know what led to this thought.. but I kept thinking about Proverbs 31.. beauty i fleeting. I finally connected the dotes and below is posted the result: (The Message because I enjoy it sometimes). I read it and thought of her.

Hymn to a Good Wife
Proverbs 31: 10-31 A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!

Kiko the lonely cactus

2009-09-24T11:01:00.004-05:00

I met David at a wedding. He was cute.. just not huggable.Afterwards I found Kiko... very cute indeed:

RighteousRadio- Who helps me do what I do

2009-09-14T22:07:00.004-05:00

I play music. For 11 years I have. I love musicians, I love artists, I also love Jesus.. and that's how it all gets mixed together. Today was our 11th annual AGM at UMFM.. with the wonderful Jared&Michael at the helm once again. None of us could do it w/o them.
I had the task, like everyone else, of introducing myself. (cringe?!) Who am I? What do I play? I say the word 'christian' and a million things come to people's minds. Not like I ever want someone to say, "That's a wonderful Christian show you have" (cringe). I'd rather hear.. "That song you played.. or whatever you talked about last time.. it was great, I felt the same.. or that music really touched/moved me in some way."
For 11 years, we at UMFM, have been slogging it out against the bigger corporate radio stations. Not that its bad or anything :) But the other big guys have to play certain songs and artists.. I could go on forever (like a books worth seriously), but I'm won't.
I get the wonderful privilege of meeting bands and musicians.. and yes they love Jesus in some certain way. Sometimes the label they are signed onto shows it, sometimes where they come from shows it.. other times.. its them in some small studio just playing whats on their heart.
For me it has always been about relationships. ALWAYS. There are some musicians I adore... and I don't play their music. Usually I get to adore both! Thanks to my Canuck, South African, American, Aussi and New Zealand friends. THANK YOU I HEART YOU!
So here is to them.. and this is Righteous Radio.. and usually what is being played in my car (pink is canadian):

All Left Out

Amy Thompson

Amanda Falk

Bebo Norman

Ben Schofield

Ben Woodward

Between the Trees

Brenton Brown

Brooke Fraser

Bryan Brown

Cory Asbury

David Crowder Band

Drentch

Drew Brown

Forerunner Music

Future of Forestry

Hillsong United

Jason Morant

Jason Upton

Jeremy Riddle

Jon Buller

Joel & Luke

Justin Rizzo

Kutless

Leeland

The Longing

Luke Wood

Marty Sampson

Michael Larson

Merchant Band

Mute Math

Nathan Finochio 1 and 2

Phil Danyew

Phil Wickham

Reuben Morgan

Ripperz

Robbie Seays Band

Sean Feucht

Starfield

Telecast

Thousand Foot Krtuch

Tree 63

Tyler Vaughn

United Pursuit

Love is

2009-08-31T14:56:00.004-05:00

Love is holding hands when you can't... here

I still long for this

2009-08-31T09:55:00.003-05:00

If you ever wonder what id like to produce video-wise...
It would look like this..
http://hillsongunited.com/2009/08/waitt-were-all-together-launching-november-2009

I sometimes kick myself for getting my eyes off of where my heart is at. For what I should be doing. For who im called to be and pray for.

Anyways.. Onto mondays work.

stuff stuff i have too much stuff

2009-08-29T23:01:00.002-05:00

So I got thinking today that I have too much "_______". Yes insert there. I realized my closest is full.. I also have a dresser and armoir. It's not all full, but still. I think it's physically impossible to actually even wear it all. I'm sure if I didn't shop for two years, I'd still be fine.

Let's wander to my basement. I have 5 bookshelves. 2 for stuffed animals, the rest for books and photo albums. I also have shelves of VHS/Beta movies/tapes. Then I have a wack of barbies, jem dolls, and my little ponies... oh my goodness.. the 80s just exploded in my basement! what am i going to do with those? fun, of course! are they going to live in boxes forever!?

i see some of my friends.. they have debt.. whether from student loans or other loans.. and yet we have stuff.... yet there is lack. how is that possible? i dont get it. we live in an amazing nation where for the most part, we dont know what lack is.

someone could probably go to walmart and buy "____" really cheap. either because they need it or just because its cheap. so while I have really good 'stuff' at home which i want to give it away, its almost easier for someone to find it cheaper and newer at walmart. this is weird.

i go to the ronald mcdonald house website, thinking maybe i could donate some of my stuffed animals... according to the website i can volunteer or give money. nononono. don't kids need stuffed animals too?

then i think of giving my childhood memories away (which alot is attached to) and that makes it even harder. my childhood was abruptly stopped at the end of elementary. so that is why i treasure my childhood stuffed animals and toys.. they provide me with the safety and naiveness which i never had after.

I don't want to do garage sales, nor value village etc. I have had such a personal connection with them, I'd rather know they would bring joy to others. sigh.

if anyone has ideas please email or message me. thanks.

My Dad's Conversion

2009-08-27T09:03:00.003-05:00

So I had to do a photoshoot of bibles today and grabbed my dad's as well. It's dated Sept 13th, 1959. Tucked into it is the piece of paper folded up, titled My Conversion. I'm assuming its my dad's handwritting, from when he was an early teen, which looks nothing how it did in his adult life. Yet it's a glimpse of the past that I would never have gotten the chance to see.

"I became converted at the age of ten. This happened in our home in San Jose, California. I had been wanting to become a christian for some time. When my aunt Tina came over for a visit she asked me if I would like to be converted. I said yes and we went into my bedroom. There she explained to me that I was a sinner and that if I would confess my sins and believe on the Lord Jesus Christ I would be saved. She also gave me Romans 10:9+10. I said I would and then we prayed. I confessed all my sins and promised that I would serve God well. I then felt a spiritual joy in my heart and I was very glad.

About three years ago I began to backslide. I wasn't living the life of a proper christian. Then when Mr. Brunk came to our school for evangeilistic meeting I began to see how much I needed Christ. I then prayed and vowed never to backslide again.

I began to realize that baptism was the second important step in a christian life when we were discussing it in Mr. Loewen's bible class in school. My parents also were talking to me about it, so I decided to become baptized."

(Then what follows is a large paragraph crossed out, which explains quite methodically and biblically why you should do it :) I'm guessing my Dad wasn't happy enough with the paragraph.

It's always nice to find windows into the past, espeically if it's of my Dad.

my skin..

2009-08-18T22:59:00.007-05:00

a week ago i was using our power washer and my skin kind of went with it. i had it on the highest setting (who knew?!) and i could see the skin at the top of my hand sort of move with it. move off really. so for awhile i was missing the top layer of my skin.. about 1 inch by 1/2 inch. it was really red and raw, mostly open. so i would baby it and put polysporin on it.. or just leave it dry.. 'air it out'. yet i constantly looked at it, day after day, waiting for it to change.

today i happened upon a blog by a girl nienie , 2 years younger than me, who was in a plane crash with her husband a year ago. she has four of the most gorgeous kids i have ever layed eyes on. yesterday she hiked up a mountain with her family and friends. in the post before her hike, she shows a photo of her face. it shocked me. im sure it would shock anyone. she had burns up to 80% of her body, her husband had 30% burns to his body.
she has a new face, even blogs about it here.
Her blogs are funny and cute and creative. And then you think.. seriously.. she's a crash/burn survivor. 80% of her skin has to be new, and add the scar tissue growing on top of that. 4 kids. Gorgeous husband who she openly blogs about.

And I sit and stare at my tiny wound on my hand. And cry.
Infact I got quite emotional.. clients were coming into my office to see my coworker.. I just let them pass, while my eyes got teary.
I stared and stared at the photo of her face.. then went back.. waaay back (since she's blogged for years) to see other photos of her and her family. still amazingly gorgeous cute family. (praise the lord they love jesus).

i had to go up to the prayer room. (praise the lord for that at work). its like a little tower. lets the sun in. and i sat on the floor and stared and stared at the blue sky. and green trees. and blue sky. and white clouds. and green trees. and cried. now we're not talking pretty cry.. tears streaming.. nono.. this was all the mascara is gone.. sniffling.. crying.. and id look up at the blue sky green trees white clouds and cry.

for gods heart had touched me so. all i could think of was that he had made the sky blue for me. and the trees green and the clouds white. blue sky blue sky. why is the sky blue? why is the grass green? (please all scientific answers aside, which i do believe so thats cool).

but at that moment, all i could think of is Gods heart for me and that he made the sky blue for me. and i looked at my little wound and cried and cried. thinking of how somehow i was different because of my scars (i do have some scars around my kidneys and dialysis tube scars). k but seriously folks. i've got like 99% normal skin. and here was this beautiful girl both inside and out, who had a gorgeous family inside and out, who was growing new skin.. 80% of her body over the past year. heck i had just been concerned with like a 1 inch section and how fast that would take.

i thought of her and her husband. both have new skin now. new bodies almost. he went back to save her. broke his toe and and his back to go into the fire of the plane to save her and clear a path. next time you wonder what love looks like think about that and go look at this.

i looked at my chipped nail polish. its pink. cried abit and felt small. thought about my nose again, felt small. if you've followed the blog you would have read about in april me and kyle doing the invisible children mock abduction and walk. in the video from IC they show a child who's nose has been mutilated/cutoff. a person with no nose. how i loved my nose from then on.

im sure if i had a mirror in the prayer room, id cry to see my face. my skin. Gods heart is huge. for the big and little. I am quite thankful for the blue sky and my skin. next time.. you have time... stare at your arm for me. look at your skin, the colour, the hairs, the birthmarks. look at how perfect it is.. or maybe imperfect. then think about you not having it.

i wish i could give her my skin.

since i can't, i pray for healing in that family. physical healing and everything else healing. by gods stripes they are healed. (1 Peter 2.24)
I pray they flourish like palm trees: Psalm 92:12The [uncompromisingly] righteous shall flourish like the palm tree [be long-lived, stately, upright, useful, and fruitful]; they shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon [majestic, stable, durable, and incorruptible].
13Planted in the house of the Lord, they shall flourish in the courts of our God.
14[Growing in grace] they shall still bring forth fruit in old age; they shall be full of sap [of spiritual vitality] and [rich in the] verdure [of trust, love, and contentment].
15[They are living memorials] to show that the Lord is upright and faithful to His promises; He is my Rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.

Note on community from May 26/09

2009-08-17T20:53:00.002-05:00

I sent an email to myself (work->home) on May 26/09.. these words followed:

Community will come when we pray together.. Not when we watch movies together. Steps forward. Lives lived around same values, same sacrifices. Numbers-> you are stronger.
How does it hold together?
If I never see the guy at 4pm
Family community dimension

The most interesting part is the second last line 'If I never see the guy at 4pm" (who in the world was that?). Darn it all.. such a good blog too..

sex god - rob bell: chapter one God wears Lipstick

2009-07-29T19:32:00.003-05:00

I finished another Rob Bell book.. good good good. Lots to make you think. So here are some excerpts!

"So Jacob is on the move, running for his life, when he stops to sleep for the night. The Bible describes hte spot where he rests as 'a certain place'. (Genesis 28.11) This detail is significant because this is not a religious site; it isn't the top of a mountain or the edge of the sea, there isn't a temple jearby. Jacob falls asleep in a random place by the side of the road. that night, he has a dream, an intense dream in which God speaks to him and says, among other things, 'I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.'
What God does here is astounding. People at that time believed the gods resided in religious places, places where gods are expected to be-temples and holy sites and shrines and alters. But this God is different
This God appears at rest areas."
(Not only did I love the rest area part.. it was a bit bittersweet. We can go into churches expecting something big or even His presence, when we had it 5 minutes ago at the gas station. We can cry for the lack of intimacy at church, but find it in those quiet rest areas).

(In talking about a concentration camp) "A concentration camp is designed to strip people to their humanity."

"The stories of Genesis originated in ancient Near Eastern culture, where a king was said to rule in the image of a particular god. The famous King Tut is an Egyptian example of this. His full name Tutankhamen, which is translated 'the living image of (the god) Amon.' The king was seen as the embodiment of a particular god on earth. If you wanted to see what that god was like, you looked at that god's king." (Do we have kings on earth? Yes.. but they are not called that. Kings were the rulers, but also the representatives. We have Presidents and Prime Ministers, Pastors and Bishops. We have a beautiful, creative God, who loves to bless and give, who embodies justice and peace at the same time. We are to recognize that and reflect that. We are His best.. the best He has to show others. Believe it.)

"Several, years later, my friend came across a group that works undercover in Southeast Asia to free young girls from the sex trade. In remote rural areas, girls are kidnapped and brought to the city, where they are forced to work as prostitutes. My friend signed up and recently went undercover on a 'mission,' rescuing girls and helping them start a new life.
He's charging into hell and bringing heaven with him."

William Booth Quotes

2009-07-29T10:28:00.001-05:00

Let these shake you up:

“While women weep, as they do now, I'll fight; while children go hungry, as they do now I'll fight; while men go to prison, in and out, in and out, as they do now, I'll fight; while there is a drunkard left, while there is a poor lost girl upon the streets, while there remains one dark soul without the light of God, I'll fight, I'll fight to the very end!”

“Go straight for souls, and go for the worst.”

"We must wake ourselves up! Or somebody else will take our place, and bear our cross, and thereby rob us of our crown."

“In answer to your inquiry, I consider that the chief dangers which confront the coming century will be religion without the Holy Ghost, Christianity without Christ, forgiveness without repentance, salvation without regeneration, politics without God, and heaven without hell.”

The Sword of the Gospel - 1 Samuel 13

2009-07-29T08:51:00.002-05:00

This is the amazing sermon I heard when I was in Manchester, at Hope Church Manhester. Be prepared to laugh and be rocked and challenged.. lots of word too in a Brit accent!
Jun 28th 09 The Sword of the Gospel 1 Samuel 13 Howard Kellett audio

London Day 3

2009-07-20T21:05:00.001-05:00

DSC08911.JPG, originally uploaded by alyssarempel.

The British Museum with the Parthenon Marbles and Roman Emperors, Kensington Palace, Camden

London Day 2

2009-07-17T20:38:00.001-05:00

DSC900032.JPG, originally uploaded by alyssarempel.

O2, Michael Jackson fan memorial, Green Park, Buckingham Palace

London Day 1

2009-07-17T20:06:00.001-05:00

DSC09606.JPG, originally uploaded by alyssarempel.

Londay Day 1... full of Big Ben, Canada Day, National Gallery, Westminster and St Margarets

Manchester Day 5

2009-07-16T22:17:00.002-05:00

Manchester Day 5.. the Cathedral and Ferris wheel

Manchester Day 3 & 4

2009-07-16T22:16:00.001-05:00

Manchester Day 3 and 4: The museum, library, Granada TV and around Manchester

Memories of UK 2009

2009-07-14T18:53:00.002-05:00

So now I'm back on this side of the pond, I thought I'd do a bit of a recap... for those just joining us.. here was the deal from June 25-July 12 when I was away from the windy/wintery city of Winnipeg.

I packed and repacked my luggage aka 'Big Red' 9 times
• Wpg to Manchester
• Manchester to London
• London to Manchester
• Manchester to Newcastle
• Newcastle to Loch Lommond campground
• Loch Lommond campground to canoe
• canoe to Newcastle
• Newcastle to Toronto
• Toronto to Wpg

I also slept in 7 different places:
• Manchester bed
• London hotel bed
• Newcastle couch
• Loch Lommond campground
• Loch Lommond island/beach (Inchlonaig)
• Newcastle bed
• Toronto bed

Lessons learned while travelling:
• I still don't understand why traveling with (may) young babies/children is a good thing. If there was an airport or airplane, there were screaming, yelling, jumping babies/kids. Next time bring Granny to Canada.
• All your comforts of home you SHOULD take: Red Rose tea, my loofah/shower thingie (I had to buy one in London since our hotel had no washclothes), your special tweezers (usually irreplaceable, I found this out in Greece in 1999), a lot of money (I forgot about all the trains, planes and automobiles I was taking), take your big Bible, splurge and buy that DSLR you are pining for (I did regret not doing that, but didn't regret the extra weight)
• fight for joy in times of stress (so I have two minutes to board a train and transfer to somewhere I don't know?)
• mascara is a liquid (as told to me by Wpg Airport Security)
• you will get an Emerg Exit Row (if booked by travel agent)
• red baggage isn't unpopular (read: I nearly took someone else's bag and kept thinking other people had mine)
• a man with a traveling guitar next to you is a God send in a terminal for 3 hours
• you will find lovers of Jesus in random places (the lady from Sweden in the Toronto airport)
• Canadians can be paranoid ( ______ told me many times to watch my passport/wallet/money/purse. No one in the UK told me that or warned me, just like I don't tell visitors to Wpg that)
• we all smile the same
• when stars die people think they live forever
• God is alive even if you don't believe in Him (my brother Bill died today, didn't he?)
• yes, if you say 'I'm sorry' you are definitely Canadian, the Brits don't say anything
• back in the 1500-1700s people did actually paint the Bible and/or Jesus... and/or cherubs and ladies with not much clothes on. Hm.
• beauty is in the eye of the beholder (seeing Monet/Gauguin/Seurat/Renoir/Degas) at the National Gallery.. just walked by. Then realizing the next day at Bodyworks that they some had little to no vision when painting.
• I still am reminded that music (and playing music) is one of my first loves.. wherever I go!
• parents are good to have around (even if they aren't yours!)
• so are long distance friends!
• anyone can spot a diva.. miles away (whether they know who you are or not)
• generous hospitality is never a waste, nor should be taken for granted
• when lost go back to your starting point (hello Camden!)
• sometimes you have to fight for Gods presence, sometimes its natural
• take time to relax, enjoy the quiet and breathe (every day.. or hour)
• young people are found in Manchester, old people in Fenwick's
• alcohol and drugs don't drive (scotland sign)
• don't shift into fifth (for the entire way home from Loch Lommond to Newcastle)
• you will bump into your music everywhere (TT in the airplane home and Lady Gaga in the Manchester Duty Free Shop)

Thoughts on Manchester

2009-06-29T14:08:00.003-05:00

So far its been good.. perhaps its the complete downtown (ie. no work) that I can think about life and such. Manchester has a massive amount of young people in its population. People here are all slim (it is rare to see overweight people or seniors), all trendy or dress current/trendy with clothes that FIT. So it's not like they wear different clothes.. they just always usually look good. When people ask do you dress up for church/work etc (you have an image of what that would be in your head), ok well that would be everyone here. That is a nice change. There is the skinnies (skinny jeans) and leggings with big flowy shirts or dresses.. with boots or flats to match. There are men in suits. Should I repeat that? We don't have that at work really. The best are the black on black on black. Love it.
When I walk around (and we walk all the time, which is nice), I distinctly try and look people in the eye. And/or smile. I tried it all today and it only worked once.. well once a guy looked back, and another time, the sales girl smiled back.
The funniest is that when you either bump into someone or try to squeeze by.. the typical Canadian response is '(I'm) sorry'... USUALLY another Canadian would say.. 'Sorry' back. If you are in the States you would get 'excuse me' or 'uh-huh'. Here... nothing. You squeeze by and say nothing, or bump into each other and say nothing.
Of course we all know how people drive on the other side of the road.. so not only is driving wierd.. but crossing the street is hard. Instead of looking the usual 'right-left'... you'd have to do the opposite.
When you are in the change room at Primark (it's like Joe from Superstore.. but MASSIVE) there will be school girls in matching uniforms who mimick your Canadian accent. Not impressive. Very rude.
When you try to figure out style in the UK and go into Urban Outfitters.. you realize you will never ever shop there because it is EXACTLY like the bad 80s.. the onesies, the pant suits, playsuits, the catsuits, the wolfs on clothing. Yes all the old, muted colours on grey.
Stay tuned for my UK finds.. yay!

Manchester Day 2

2009-06-28T08:49:00.002-05:00

We got our nails done.. met some of Maryn's friends... then scooted around grocery shopping while it poured rain
Manchester Day 2

This is Alyssa on jet lag

2009-06-27T14:08:00.003-05:00

First day.. doing ok... Check out my other first day photos..
Manchester Day 1

My facebook family.. community... 'friends'

2009-06-22T21:55:00.003-05:00

Maybe you've wondered, maybe you could care less.. or maybe you noticed I was gone for a month. It was a sweet month.
I reevaluated my facebook community and started hacking away. Here is who made the cut:

1) Rockstars and/or Pastors both near and far. (you know who you are.. I've either taken care of you, or you have taken care of me.)
2) My actual physical close friends who either are here or are far (I think only LoriAnn and Maryn are my virtual close friends)
3) Family, who in an emergency etc, I'd need to contact through this and who probably care about me
4) That's it.

So I realize this is pretty redundant, its not like the 'others' will know they aren't on the list.. but they may ask, and some have. I don't want strangers stalking me.. I'd rather have my friends and people I have taken care of in the past do that. so if anyone asks why did alyssa leave.. or come back ... or how can I get in contact with her.. here's a new answer CALL or EMAIL.. or.. yes even.. SEE ME IN PERSON.

Brookes Reynolds

2009-06-19T14:21:00.005-05:00

I forgot.. things got in the way... photos (hopefully) will always live on:

Save pencil - Brilliant

2009-06-19T10:30:00.004-05:00

Yupyupyupyupyupyup

2009-06-15T13:30:00.002-05:00

DSC09091.jpg, originally uploaded by alyssarempel.

Last night.. once again = bands. I am blessed right now in this season. Mmmm good. I showed up to do what I love best.. anything and everything. Although I did have the pleasure of somehow avoiding the speakers & amps.. and still trying to catch rest on the stairs and good photos (tricky.. I keep going back and forth from my Digital Sony H5 and work's DSLR Canon Rebel xsi). But I digress. Once again.. good people.. good music.. good God.. prayer.. powerful.
The title to this blog.. the 'Yup yupyupyupyup yup'.. was what I heard the lead singer of last nights headliner band say when he asked how many kids struggled with suicide.. for every hand raised there was a yup. He asked who had thought about killing themselves, who had written letters, who had planned on it.. soon. I can say 'breaks my heart' and mean it. I can say it breaks God's heart and know it does. To destroy your life.. by choice? To have death win, to get rid of whatever and whoever you are fighting against. Because you feel tired and worthless. Without a dream, without hope, without love.
But God delights in you. He delights in the creation of you.. in your dreams.. in your heart. In loving you. Even if people screwed up, if your parents did or your friends or strangers. You are so precious beloved.

Dream Land

2009-06-11T09:36:00.001-05:00

IMG_5665, originally uploaded by alyssarempel.

Last night I had a dream.. you were all there and so was the rest of my dream life. Except it was real. I didn't have to wake up. The music, the life, the community, the constant travel, meeting strangers and meeting friends; it was all there.
The beautiful music was ever present.. creativity. No flakyness, no marketing, no industry. Just music and Jesus.
The one thing I've learned.. again. Do it for love. Not for money or fame or fortune or appearance or recognition. Do it for love. When the chips are done, when your back is against the wall, do it for love. Not for the love you will get, but the love you have to give. When everyone is against you, when no one cares who you are or worse, when they think you are at the bottom of the heap, the lowest rung on the ladder.. do it for love. The love, the passion will never die.

with hearts as one

2009-05-28T09:11:00.002-05:00

with hearts as one

we sit divided across the oceans

with only one cause

one love

one voice

to bring us back together again

This morning the sun rises everywhere and I miss them all.

goodbye facebook

2009-05-26T21:56:00.003-05:00

Is this hypocritical that I'm blogging about this? Well for awhile (there is no set time), I have deactivated my facebook account. Maybe its the combination of no boss and no coworker... and finding out friends are in relationships before I've actually been able to talk to them... or status' getting misconstrued.. or coworkers and friends and family finding me when I don't want them too. Or perhaps its just I finally realized that facebook gave me the cold comfort of false community. I'm not that close to my extended family, but facebook made me think I was. I'm not that close to anyone anymore in the old 204 scene, but facebook made me think so. I thought I was close and had community with my church folk, but I think technology in general paints that lie. I am close to my inner circle of friends and facebook took that away when it leaked out information that apprently it wasn't supposed to.

facebook should not have to provide my community, nor sustain it. it can't.

I know I know.. don't blame the technology, blame the user. So I blame myself. If you want to talk to me (wow! voice to voice? maybe face to face?!) you can call me.

Thoughts from a sunny prayer room

2009-05-14T21:22:00.002-05:00

And in yesterdays thoughts.. Jeremiah 32 was the large verse of the day... so my thoughts were rambling:

Do you live close enough to God to hear what He says?
some people may say what to this.. the of course I do He's always around. But are you always around and focused on Him? Some days its as hard as it is or was easy.

Do I listen too close to community
Rely on them to be God
Fellowship with them instead of God?

‘Am I a God who is only in one place?’ ‘Am I not everywhere in all of heaven and earth?’

What feeds your devotion

I have hidden myself in you .. Not church... Not technology... Not strengths.. Nor weaknesses, but you

Enjoy His beauty you are beautiful

every time you say goodbye I say hello

2009-05-12T21:15:00.003-05:00

you are so sweet you are so kind.. you are so good to me
******************

I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you more than tonight
I didn't think it would be all we had for awhile
perhaps you can't guess the amount of time you have with someone
I underestimated you
I appreciated you waiting for me, that meant alot
as a stranger to wait
to remember my name

thank you

I appreciated that you actually read and talked about jesus
as you knew Him intimately
a stranger in a safe place
I hope that is all you remember
well and me too.

99 Luft Balloons

2009-05-11T13:13:00.007-05:00

I'm craving comfort, quiet and creativity.

I'm not sure if it is some really bad North American mindset.. or its just me.. however I live between the two states of gogogogogogogogogo and quiet rest peace. I find the latter.. well the last, if at all. Perhaps we are growing up in a culture of loudness, or messages, of constant information and being addicted to technology. How does church (cringe) fit into all of this? It tries and fails.

I had a friend challenge me yesterday to just stay home and do whatever I feel like.. if this includes nothing, then so be it. This was quite hard. a) yes its Sunday, the typical day to go to church, if you are of a church-going folk. b) I think I posted, but will restate, every weekend I have the radio show on Sat nights and church on Sunday afts/eves. Every weekend. There is no break.

On one had the two above comments look ridiculous for many reasons. I'm complaining about going to church always; every Sunday and also doing something I love every Saturday night. Both I couldn't do in other nations blah blah blah. Yes I do take this for granted. And I still crave silence. Second.. I'm also balancing on legalism (you must go here at such and such time, for such and such reasons... always.)

Oh Sunday.. sabbath.. church... culture.. always.. ick. Ultimate extravangent worship is being committed to your church. It's about showing up every day. I can list something I could go to for every single day or night. And that would make me regular, that would then show leadership I am committed. Committed to going to church lots yes... not sure if I have a life outside of that?!

Last night I prayed for more friends who aren't Christians. Not because I want to save the world.. I'm not Superman.. I'm not the one who saves people. Just because. Also at the same time I was reading a book which said.. the message of people needing to be Christ to everyone is a bit much. And a bit overwhelming and domineering. Rather if you look at everyone as a chance to see God.. a chance to learn something new.. you will be able to see someone else as a teacher. Instead of the massive responsibility of you you youyouyou you YOUyou.

I also thought about fellowship; which I just found out isn't friendship. Yes, it's a new one to me too.
Fellowship:1. the condition or relation of being a fellow: the fellowship of humankind., 2. friendly relationship; companionship: the fellowship of father and son, 3. community of interest, feeling, etc., 4. communion, as between members of the same church., 5. friendliness., 6. an association of persons having similar tastes, interests, etc.

I think I'm seeking out 'fellowship'.. relations.. community... friendship (?).. potential of new relationships and community.. with (wait for it..) my church community. Apparently depending on the size of my church, I've set a lot of weight upon them. The one I go to now is small and south centered. (This after hearing where you live or move to.. should be centered around your church. Because yes (and I quote) what is number 1? Church. They did go into Jesus should be number one (sigh of relief.. didn't forget Jesus on that one!)

The one I used to go to is huge. Both are different, and both have different community and think of community differently. One had community as washing dishes together (only dishes, you can't go anywhere else w/o special permission).. another had us sitting in the dark alot (literally not figuratively) with loud music. Although the big one had loud music too. Another one had no and I repeat, no people my age. Another had many, but lots of cliques. The one I'm at now has lots of music and worship and prayer. I'm sure we are all different for a reason. I wonder do we fit together differently? Should all the dishwashers go to one and leave the sitting-in-the-dark ones by themselves? Probably not.. for a lot of dirty dishes and dark nights would await.

Running around as Christians

2009-05-06T18:14:00.003-05:00

I read a blog that said this: "I find it rather sad to see Christians running from conference to conference and church to church like beggars seeking new anointings and fillings of the Holy Spirit. Is this in the Bible?"

Well interestingly enough.. if they told us to stop coming and advertising it as if its the NEXT BIG THING.. and this is THE place to be.. then would we?

Does attendance make something successful? Apparently to a large part of the church it does. Because we keep building bigger ones and telling how big one or the other is, instead of just more churches/plants etc.

If they keep spoon feeding us entertainment, then this is what we will begin to seek and lose our first true love. They market it that Jesus/HolySpirit/God is going to be at each and every event... so...?

And yes... Christ isn't Jesus' last name :) Christ (in Greek) means the anointing (Hebrew->Messiah).. the anointed one.

Bill Johnson - Bringing Heaven to Earth

2009-04-29T19:01:00.003-05:00

These notes are from here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBVjKh4-fPI&feature=related

and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSFmDW7R40E

at some point we will have to believe in our own conversion.. because we keep praying for things we already have. and we wonder why we get bored in prayers. we are praying for things we already have. i can't afford to have thoughts in my head that He doesn't have of me. your mind is a very valuable thing. jesus died to protect it. He wants to teach us how to think. A revival culture where anything can happen at any time.

jesus always identified what they had.. fear.. little faith.. or big faith. Jesus didn't with hold the miracle for punishment. He had something to give. Re-present Christ.

a renewed mind is one of the most valuable things.

it's not good enough to say go to dallas or go to cali and get a miracle there. the gospel is no limit on power. because jesus is interested in changing culture. not just bodies in chairs.

the greatest thing to give away is God's presence. Your shadow will always release what overshadows you. carry the atmosphere of another world.

we confuse our destiny with our assignment. our destiny is to know heaven. our assignment is to bring heaven.

matt 12.28... great visual illustration. cause the collision of two worlds. light always wins. darkness is so inferior to light, the moment its turn on darkness leaves.

believing a lie, empowers a liar. jesus stood before mankind and said this... all authority has been given to me. he forfeited everything because he owned everything. he then reinherited everything so that you and i would have an inheritance. when he made it, he made it as our elder brother. if jesus can say this as the son of man, all authority has been given to me. then there is someone we've been nervous about that has none. (wow!)
where does he get the authority? tell the lie until someone believes it.

(but i live under this darkness of my city.. well the city may be, but you're not!)

when you grow in God, you grow in spiritual protection. live above the snake line.

I can't afford to be impressed by the devil.. for however many years they've been in bondage. how many times they've received prayer and not be healed. grab it as if its the first time. stop coming forward for prayer, come forward for healing.

re-present christ. jesus didn't make it complicated.

expose darkness, watch it bow to jesus.

Precious Life

2009-04-23T15:46:00.004-05:00

Last night I could not get to bed. It was an incredibly active day, full of running around, thinking visually, and laughing lots. For some reason I was having thoughts of 'in the end'. Perhaps my 'last days' imagination was on high or something. I just didn't want to think about dying. I don't meet many people who think about heaven or hell, let alone living.. real living on earth. That one day, yes we will not be here anymore. And then what?

I don't think about dying or death personally, at least not for my life. I've dealth with dying and dying at an early age with family, but that's not the point of this blog. So there I was trying to get to sleep.. tossing and turning.. thinking about the speed of life and what's to come. I finally did manage to rest.

I woke up this morning to news that a friend's loved one (family member) had died. She was young, around my age and it was due to health complications. I remember she came to the Holy Spirit retreat in 2007, the first time I had some real good teaching thanks to Pastor Bill. Solid, thorough, real... and made me want more. I remember meeting her and praying for her. It was the 'usual' Sat night filled with emotions and worship and prayer. She was thin and had a smaller build. I felt like a mom wrapping my arms around her to pray for her; she cried. I didn't ask, just prayed. I remember saying she would be a mom to the many, to more than just her own child/ren. I know she is with Jesus now... in Glory.. heaven.. whatever you call it.

So really I should be afraid of death.. dying.. one day we will all go home.

It is safe to tell the pure in heart that they shall see God, for only the pure in heart want to. (The Problem of Pain - C.S. Lewis)

Today in my book, the hymn for the week was Some Day by Charles Tindley

Refrain
"I do not know how long ’twill be,
Nor what the future holds for me,
But this I know, if Jesus leads me,
I shall get home some day."

Bye bye Jody

God is a perfect engineer

2009-04-18T23:47:00.002-05:00

This from a good friend:

Guys' chests were just made for girls' heads.. You can't be so short the girl is hugging your neck, and you can't be so tall she's hugging your stomach... the cool part is, it works from a height difference of a few inches to maybe a foot.

isn't God just the best engineer ever?

Web sites that amaze

2009-04-10T11:48:00.001-05:00

People sometimes confuse me as more of a web site designer than I am.. I just like to design pretty things.. but in cases like these below... mind blowing! I only wish I could design stuff like this!

http://www.twequency.com/ (try resizing the window and find the red bird.. Watch the clouds move!)

http://kyanmedia.com/ (click on the worm to find his home)

http://fatuus.de/ (scroll and watch their logo in the top left.. Its a transparent window).

http://designedbyable.com/ (scroll right to left.. Logo also transparent)

http://www.csszengarden.com/?cssfile=http://www.css-praxis.de/cssocean/zenocean.css (scroll down.. Scuba guy lights up)

http://webleeddesign.com/ (click on shop.. Watch the coloured paint transform)

http://de-online.co.uk/archive/5.html (stay on the site abit and watch the blue bars change colour.. It takes awhile)

http://www.youtube.com/experiencewii (is it really a youtube site.. WOW)

http://producten.hema.nl/ If IKEA drank Coke all day and played with Flash, this is what it would look like.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mukluk/292641326 Find the arrow... (E ... X)

broken and poured

2009-04-06T18:42:00.003-05:00

This will be the last installment from Jesus wants to save christians.. rob bell.. don colden:

"Jesus wants to save us from standing at a distance, begging Moses to speak to God because we're convinced that if we speak to God, we'll die.

... And when we listen and go, it will never be about guilt."

You never have to beg. You never have to feel guilty. Jesus came and took that away. Just speak to him.
Right. Now.

Outside.. inside.. elite.. empire

2009-04-05T14:48:00.005-05:00

These thoughts went round and round.. I'm still reading Jesus Wants to Save Christians (Robb Bell, Don Golden).

What is elitism? http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/elitism

What is an Empire? http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/empire

From one of my previous posts on the book it said:
"Empires accumulate. Accumulation gives birth to entitlement, entitlement demands preservation, preservation has consequences, consequences are a burden.
In empire, you believe in that which you preserve, you preserve that which you are entitled to, and you are entitled to that which you have accumulated."

I discovered you can have both.. and you can have either.. you can also have none.

Perhaps it's easy to throw stones at a glass house when you don't live there?

Here's the open and honest part to a bunch of strangers. As independant as I am (its the only child thing).. I have the human need to be liked, accepted and wanted. But in doing so, it also feels like striving. It's not even a question of how many gold stars can I get, it's how do I go about obtaining them? Any of them... all of them. I thought I was done with trying to please church.

The more people I talk to... the more people I meet who don't go to church. They just love Jesus and are Jesus to myself and others.

All I can see if Jesus sitting outside on the steps with me.. waiting with me to go inside.

Everybody can and should be a graphic designer...

2009-03-31T13:27:00.003-05:00

Seriously? No of course not, that's like saying everyone can fix their own cars and design their own business cards.. and website.. and wedding invitations. Well you get my point.

This person http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2009/03/why-arent-you-really-good-at-graphic-design.html

says this: “Sure, hire the very best in the world when you need a breakthrough. But you don't have to pay for better-than-mediocre design. You can do it yourself."

Uh-huh. We've heard that before. We smiled nicely at the customer when they said that to us.. and then can only imagine how much work needs to be done to rebuild something. Yes they can have Photoshop or Indesign or Pages (mac/apple). And if they don't have training.. well you don't have training.

It could bring me to a topic of what is good design. Or how does someone know what good design is? For the most part, people have to be trained on what good design is. Thanks to people using blue, red, or yellow for websites.

He goes on to say "YES! You need a world-class professional when you need design worth paying for. But lots of time, you need design you can't pay for. That's when you need to be really good."

'you need design you can't pay for'... What does THAT mean? I need car repair I can't pay for. Actually, no.. no I don't. Any car repair or house repair, hair cuts or house design or painting job.. that I 'can't afford'... well shouldn't be needed.

I took my car in the to car people yesterday.. they had a phone call from a guy who wanted to know how to put in his own car block heater and what were the alternatives. One guy looked at me and said.. 'Alternatives..? Yes you do it yourself, then pay us the 50$ to fix it.'

I couldn't have said it better myself.

ch. 6 blood on the doorpost

2009-03-29T10:38:00.003-05:00

Ok.. yes it has been too long.. finally we're almost done.. almost. Up next, the latest chapter in Jesus wants to save christians.
"But why this particular ritual? And why the emphasis on the firstborn? In the culture at this time, the first born son served as a representative of the family and took care of all matters of the family. Therefore, if the lamb redeemed the firstborn, then the world Jewish household would be saved.
For the Egyptians, the firstborn son of Pharoah had the same rank as Pharaoh himself. He was a son of the god Ra and would thus carry on the rule of heaven after his father died. This meant that the dynasty depended on the survival of the son more than the father." (My note.. when you read the first paragraph, it hits me of why Jesus came.. again. He's the representative of God.. of His whole family.. and takes care of all matters of.. well us. But not only is the Jewish household saved.. so are we!)

(In talking about Passover meal wine/bread) "This time the firstborn will not be spared. This time the lamb is God's own Son and no substitute will be given. The cup will not be taken away from him.
For Jesus, his coming death is about the new exodus. Betrayed by a friend, a victim of injustive and cruelty at the hands of religion in collusion with empire, God's son chooses the path of a lamb." (Over and over.. the path of a lamb.. not of ruler or emperor. No matter what is done to Him.. He chooses/chose the path of the lamb.)

And our response to this? In the Scriptures, it's written again and again that we are to remember and be thankful.
The Greek word for thankful is from the very eucharizomai - the Greek word eu, which means 'well' or 'good', and the word charizomai, which means 'to grant, or give'."
It's from this word that we get the English word Eucharist, the 'good gift.' Jesus is God's good gift to the world. (give good.. give thanks.. grant good.. grant thanks)

"Paul does not say, 'To the strong, I become strong.' He only says, 'To the weak, I am weak.' Paul understands that the power of the Eucharist comes from its weakness, not its strength.
Later he writes to the Corinthians, 'Who is weak, and I do not feel weak?' At the heart of the church, in the soul of the Eucharist, is identification with the suffering of another human being.
To begin to understand the Eucharist, to begin to grasp the Father's giving of the first born son, is to feel what others feel, to suffer when they suffer, to rejoice when they rejoice. The church says to the world, 'Me too.'"

(In talking about Jesus' death) "Peace has been made... The Eucharist is about the new humanity... People who had fought over an endless array of issues realize that peace has been made and there is nothing left to fight about." (there is nothing left to fight about there is nothing left to fight about).

"A church is the new humanity on display... (and) they have a son fighting in the war, and they are going to a war protest today. and he's got serious doubts about what he was taught growing up, and she's just decided that God might even exist." (I've known many people on all sides of these examples. The world looks different and so does the body/community of Christ. It just strikes me because people say I doubt the Holy Spirit can... or I don't think God can.... meanwhile others are saying.. I think I believe... I think I do have faith!)

"In the new humanity, them becomes us, they becomes we, and those become ours. This is why it is very dangerous when a church becomes known for being hip, cool and trendy. The new humanity is not a trend.
Or when a church is known for attracting one particular kind of demographic, like people of this particular age and education level, or that particular social class or personality type. There's obviously nothing wrong with the powerful bonds that are shared when you meet up with your own tribe, and hear things in a language you understand, and culture references are made that you are familiar with, but when the sameness takes over.
when everybody shares the same story... - that's when the new humanity is in trouble.
The beautiful thing is to join with a church that has gathered and find yourself looking around thinking, 'what could this group of people possibly have in common?'
The answer, of course, would be the new humanity.' (I do reflect on the big churches I've gone to and the tiny ones. Those sentences above describe it perfectly.)

"the Eucharist is not a product. Glossy brochures have the potential to do great harm to the body and blood. Church is people. People who have committed themselves to being a certain way in the world. To try to brand that is to risk commodifying something intimate, sacred and holy.
...A church is not an organization that surveys its demographic to find out what the market is demanding at this particular moment and then adjusts its strategy to meet that consumer niche." (Wow.. pay attention)

"The Eucharist is what happens when the question is asked, What does it look like for us to be a Eucharist for these people, here and now?
What does it look like or us to break ourselves open and pour ourselves out for the healing of these people in this time in this place?
The temptation is simply to duplicate the Eucharist of someone else." (It's personal.. it shouldn't be copied or marketed or studied. It's about us, it's about you, its about me. And finally it's about Jesus.)

"If a sermon can be resolved in the time it took to deliver it, then it missed something central to what a sermon even is, which is connected with what the Eucharist is. The gathering of the church, in a service or worship or teaching setting, is to remind, instruct, and inspire people about being Eucharist for the worlds they find themselves in. It's written in the letter to the Hebrews that they shouldn't give up meeting together because they should 'consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.'"

"When the goal of a church is to get people into church services and then teach them how to invite people to come to church services, so that they in turn will bring others to more church services -
that's attendance at church services.
And church is not ultimately about attending large gatherings.
Church is people
People who live in a certain way in the world.
People who have authority in the world, but authority that comes from breaking themselves open and pouring themselves out so that the world will be healed.
The authority that the church has in culture does not come from how right, cool, or loud it is, or how convinced is it sof its doctrinal superiority."

"When you give unconditionally, you will be reminded of the God who gives unconditionally.
When you extend grace to others in their oppression, you are reminded of the grace extended to you in yours."

"...The church must cling to her memory of exodus, because if that memory is forgotten,
the church may forget the poor,
and if the poor are forgotten,
the church may forget what it was like to be enslaved,
and that would be forgetting the grace of God."

"The church says no to the animating spirit of religious empire, the one which leads Christians to look no different than the world around them. Churches can easily become centers for assimilation, where the seats in the sanctuary are eerily similar to the seats in the cinema, the website offers all of the programs to meet your specific religious needs, and teh coffee in teh hallway is just as good as in the shops across the street." (Oy)

"The Eucharist is not fair. Giving to those who can't give in return, that's not fair.
Serving those who have no way to serve in return, that's not fair.
Breaking yourself open and pouring yourself out for people who may never say thank you, that's not fair." (I think I need to be more 'not fair' more often)

"This truth about the Eucharist raises profound questions that a church must ask itself. If our church was taken away - from our city, our neighborhood, our region - who would protest?
Only the people who are members?
Only those who are a part of it?
Only those who attend its services?
Single mothers?
Refugees?
Atheists?"
(I took often find church like a club for members only. And you are only welcomed and talked to and loved on if you are in this club. If you say yes to this club. The club of church who attend its services.)

ch. 5 swollen bellied black babies (jesus wants to save christians)

2009-03-10T21:51:00.004-05:00

And onto Ch.5! (Rob Bell. Don Colden. jesus wants to save christians)

"The missiles missed their target. They landed on homes nearby filled with Iraqi civilians. A camera crew filming the removal of the bodies from the remains of the houses came across a man whose son and two nephews were in one of the houses. Sitting among the rubble, the main said, 'Due to this behavior, America will fail. She will fail completely among the countries. And another country will rise and take America's place. America will lose because her behavior is not the behavior of a great nation." (Wow. It takes not only guts to say this, but security in what you know, in what the past looked like, in how great and grand and glorious America is.. was.)

"America controls nearly 20 percent of the world's wealth. There are around six billion people in the world, and there are roughly three hundred million people in the US. That makes America less than 5 percent of the world's population. And this 5 percent owns a fifth of the world's wealth." (Hello there!)

"Moses warned about this as well in Deut 8, when he said, 'You may say to yourself, 'My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.' But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth." (This rang for me.. since I've heard this verse taught over and over in many different places. I could go on, but won't.)

"When it's written in the Psalms that some trust in chariots and some trust in God, this is a statement about empire and power. It's a contrast between two different ways of being in the world.
Empires accumulate. Accumulation gives birth to entitlement, entitlement demands preservation, preservation has consequences, consequences are a burden.
In empire, you believe in that which you preserve, you preserve that which you are entitled to, and you are entitled to that which you have accumulated." (For me.. I just thought of the churches and organizations I've been apart of and everything became so much clearer.)

"The Roman Empire that ruled the world in the time of Jesus was masterful in its repeated telling of one version of its story. A phrase the Caesars often used was 'peace through victory.' They would come to a region they hadn't yet conquered, announce they were going to make this particular region a part of their empire, and then proceed to occupy it with their army.
...'Peace through victory' depended on which side of the sword you were on.
If you have the power, it can be hard to understand the once of those who have no power." (Once again I thought of the powerhouse organizations and churches that plowed ahead.)

"Imagine the average youth group in the average church on the average Sunday. Imagine visiting this youth group and having the pastor say to you, 'I just can't get my kids interested in Jesus. Do you have any suggestions?
How do you respond?
To being with, the church has a youth group. This is a brand-new idea in church history. A luxury. Everybody in the church doesn't meet all together? All of the babies and older folks and men and women and widows and students aren't in the same room, but they've gone to separate rooms?
And there are resources for this? People and organizational structures and a budget? Let's image that in this case, this pastor, this youth pastor, is paid a salary for his or her work. A church with enough resources to pay someone to oversee the students? Once again, this is brand new, almost unheard of in most of the churches in the world, and in church history, a brand-new invention.
This salary can be paid and this building can be built because people in the congregation have surplus. they have fed themselves and their children and bought clothes and houses, and now, after these expenses, there is still money available. And this money is given in an act of generosity to the church, which disperses its to various places, among them the bank account of the pastor.
In many, if not most, of the churches in the world, immediate needs simply don't allow for such luxuries —too many people are hungry, too many don't have a roof, too many are sick—and so any surplus is spent immediately on the basic needs staring them right in the face.
people dying here.
right now
today.
But this particular church is blessed, and we should be clear about this —it IS a blessing. It is good. It is fortunate that this particular church doesn't have those issues. This church has enough resources to hire a pastor who had the resources to get training to father these students in the student room to teach them about the way of Jesus. Many Christians around the world would simply stand in awe of that kind of blessing.
And the students in this church, these are good kids. They are from families who just want to see their kids become good Christians.
.. How do kids who are surrounded by more abundance than in any other generation in the history of humanity take seriously a Messiah who said 'I have been anointed to preach good news to the poor'?
How do they fathom that half the world is too poor to feed its kids when their church just spent two years raising money to build an addition to their building?"
(That whole large bit was huge and I took bits out too.. tried to mash it all in. Blessing is good, don't get me wrong. And how do we relate to Jesus' message.. when as the author said.. we've never been poor here. We don't really know what poor is about? Really? If we get sick, we have health care. If we have no job, we have EI/UI/welfare. If we have no house, we have shelters. If we have no food, we have food banks. And if we have no love?...)